For today’s IMDB Top 250 guest review, we have the very tall, boob-loving Eric of The IPC. Eric is awesome and his blog is scarily funny (or funnily scary? funnily is such a weird word. say it ten times fast! weird). Anyway! I’m very annoyed that I will now have a Gwyneth Paltrow image on my blog. Luckily (funnily?), Brad Pitt makes up for that slightly. I also hate films that try to be all clever and put a number in the middle of the word. It’s Seven, dammit! But I digress… Go visit The IPC if you haven’t already – there’s always a party going on there! With lots of beer. 🙂
Warning if you’ve not seen Se7en – Eric’s review is SPOILERIFIC from the start!
There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list HERE.
Now let’s hear Eric’s in-depth analysis of David Fincher’s Se7en, IMDB rank 23 out of 250…
SE7EN… who hasn’t seen this movie?? I mean, I suppose some people haven’t but – why?? This movie is excellent. Totally. It is a little gruesome, I suppose but we can grab ourselves by the nuts and tough it out. I guess – if you haven’t seen it, it’s a balls out gritty take on the seven deadly sins with Brad Pitt, Morgan Freeman and an excellente Kevin Spacey. Oh – and I’ll go on record and say Gwynneth Paltrow is hot. If, for some reason, you haven’t seen this, there’s going to be a big time spoiler down below so… in any case – this movie is awesome and the big finale finds Pitt getting a postal delivery out in the desert. Morgan Freeman is nearby and figures out what the delivery is and he screams “DON’T OPEN THE BOX!!!! JOHN DOE HAS THE UPPER HAND!!!” and Pitt famously whines ” WHAT’S IN THE BOXXXXXXXXXX??” So – what’s in the box??
About ten years ago the company I work for merged with another company and I had to fly all over the country going to meetings about this and that and do fucking work 15 hours a day and it was a real drag but I made a couple of friends and etc. etc. One of these guys was a real wise-ass and we had some yucks and some beers and one day I decided I would send him a gift for his birthday. I don’t know about the dudes who read Cinema Parrot Disco but guys I know (including myself) ten to wear their underwear until the backside is riddled with holes and the front is just a couple pieces of thread that barely covers their dingaling.
So I took one of these underwears and poured a can of chili in it and put it in a box out in my garage in the 120 degree heat for a few weeks one August and then I put on a hazmat suit and wrapped the stinking thing in tin foil, sealed it up and sent it to him. When he got it he started texting me “What’s in the box???” and I was all “You’ll love it” and he opened it (with his son, poor kid) and didn’t exactly love it but – is that what’s in Brad Pitt’s box???? Not exactly.
Is it David Fincher’s fucking balls??? What happened to the guy that did SE7EN and FIGHT CLUB??? I’ll give him PANIC ROOM and maybe even BENJAMIN BUTTON but what the fuck with THE SOCIAL NETWORK and the miserable DRAGON TATTOO remake?? PISS, FART, POOP. Let’s go Fincher – let’s get your shit together. Come back to us!! So – is it Fincher’s stones in Pitt’s box? Nope.
In a burst of cinematic brilliance, the big reveal is that John Doe has fulfilled that last of the seven sins – Envy – by cutting off Pitt’s wife’s (Paltrow’s) head and sent it to him in a fucking box!! WHO SAW THAT COMING???? NO ONE, that’s who!!! What a fucking deal that was!!! AMAZING!!! Come on Finchy!! Let’s get back to it!!! Here’s some cookies. Oh well – there you go – WOO HOO!!! SE7EN!!!
great review Eric of an excellent film.
I should probably see it again one of these days since I haven’t sen it in 14 years (yep, only saw it once) 🙂
I only saw it once. Needs unicorns & rainbows! Pretty gross stuff… But very good film. : )
THANKS ROB!! This should probably bee seen once a year just to keep a person honest.
once a year??? hmm. I’ll re-watch it and let you know, but I think that may be a bot too often.
finally got around to rewatching this Eric. Liked it better when I was surprised about what was in the box, but it was still enjoyable to rewatch
I have to say this one is NOT a “re-watcher” for me. But the ending is awesome. 🙂
there’s a reason it took me 14 years to rewatch and close to a year since I told Eric I should re-watch it 🙂
Definitely not a Guardians of the Galaxy type flick which can be rewatched agaian and again
Funnily enough I agree with T9M about Paltrow. Haha you’re right, funnily is a silly word!
Funnily, we seem to agree on women! : )
What the hell’s wrong with Paltrow? What’s wrong with you two?
We have good taste. : )
Soooooooooooooo…. you’re saying I have BAD taste? I like the two of you quite a bit…..
Good taste in friends! Bad taste in… In… In Gwyneth Paltrow!!!! ; ) They kill her character off in a lot of her movies. Ever notice that?
LOL – no, not really, not seen much of her movies. ever seen Flesh and Bone or The Royal Tennenbaums?
I liked those movies (and her).
Oh wait – I liked her in Iron Man 1 & 2 but 3 was stupid.
You… LIKE… The Royal Tennenbaums?!? Divorce! ; ) I actually really liked Malice but it’s probably very dated now.
I did – not my favorite (I only like two of his films, Bottle Rocket = I loved, TRB = good).
Wait, Malice? The Alec Baldwin I AM GOD movie?? I loved that thing back in the 90s. Might have to queue that fucker up!!
Yeah! That one! I loved that one too. But I bet it hasn’t aged well.
I might have to give that a watch
Thanks for the review, Eric! : ) Seven… I dunno. It’s a great film! Loved the ending. But, bloody hell – far too few unicorns and rainbows for my liking. Yikes. Can’t say I’ve watched it more than once. Plus, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow is in it… Thanks again, dude – can’t wait to see your John Hughes reviews on here! : )
What do you have against Paltrow, besides that she isn’t given much to do in this flick?
She’s still in it too much… ; )
That’s just not fair. She’s awesome.
About as awesome as Coldplay. ; )
Thank YOU!!! This has been a fun week so far!!
Eric, what’s in the box, indeed? Still one of my favorite moments in semi-recent film history (the film as a whole probably has a flaw or ten, but that final ‘What’s in the box?’ moment . . . wow).
Thank you kindly!!
I love this film so much! I need to watch it again. It’s got some seriously cool scares in it!
You totally should!! And then write about it for us : )
YEP!! Taking Lives SUCKED!!
Se7en is definitely one of the best classics out there. It’s actually a tricky genre to get right and the amount of shit films I’ve seen that have tried to copy Se7en (Taking Lives, Bone Collector)…
I really don’t like Paltrow either! That being said, I love this flick to death! Just stunning all around… That bed guy fucking terrifies me! Outstanding work, both of you :). “I’ll be around…”
WHAT??? What’s wrong with you people????
See?! People clearly agree with ME on Paltrow. ; )
HMMM. I see. See my previous comment.
*scratches chin whiskers
I never saw the first six.
I thought you were the first six sins.
Yeah! Come on Finchy! Love this film, top review Eric.
Thank you!! Come on, Finchy!! Let’s do this!!
This is a really good movie, but the part with the dude lying bed who winds up being still alive totally creeps me out to this day!
And can we get something straight here, please? I am not a fan of Paltrow at all, but can we agree that she WAS hot, back then. But sadly, is no longer.
That scene is TOTALLY creepy!!!
Let’s agree on that at least!
No! Not hot. Never hot. Not now. Not then. Not ever! ; )
HMMMMMM HMMMMMMMM HMMMMMMMMMM HMMM HHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
*itches earlobe, looks around
(that’s a character actor gimmick)
Nice job, folks! This one’s a good one–so damn grim but so good! P.S. Eric, I realize bros play weird pranks on other bros, but that gift…WTF???
LOL!! He got IPC-d!! : )
Lol – Gotta agree with Cara. WTF? Boys are WEIRD!
It’s not all unicorns and kittens out there, you know. Sometimes a man has to make a message. And this message was: if you’re gonna take my last beer when we’re out of town and there are no more beers to buy, you’ll get some poopy underwear in The Box. PISS!
A most excellent review. Every time I get a package in the mail and it arrives at home, I do the Brad Pitt-style “What’s in the booooxxxxx?!?” and laugh at my own hilarious joke. Good times.
Thanks Anna!!! and HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! That’s hysterical!!
“What’s in the booooooxxx??”
It’s a special delivery of ***** *** ****** ***** ***** ****!! JUST FOR YOU!!!!
I was just about to say Eric, if you rip into this film we are going to have some issues…
This was an awesome film and an awesome write up!
LOL NO WAY Zoe!!! This thing rocks my lame ass!! And — THANKS!!!!
😀 😀 It is an excellent little movie… damn you, now I want to watch it again!
DO IT DO IT!!!
If I had my plugs I would!
Yeah dammit my other half stole my plug (which powers my TV and PC) to use at a client today now I’m staring at a black screen and close to going into withdrawals. Not even kidding, if the plugs don’t make it home I’m jacking his adaptor and he can suck it up and watch whatever’s on, whatever his plans were will go on hold hahahaha!
LOL!!! DAMN IT!!!
I’m not sure I’ve read any of your reviews before but LOL! I did make me laugh out loud. Don’t know where the actual review were but who cares?! But The Social Network is excellent! And Dragon Tattoo is not that bad. It’s not as good as Fincher’s previous work but it is not bad. And I’m a big time Fincher fan. Though, Seven and Fight Club are the best. Thanks for the review!
Hey you! THANK YOU!!!! After everything I’ve been through with Fincher’s movies, I was really let down by Dragon Tattoo but that’s just me. I know we just met but Social Network is one zillion percent not my type of movie – but I get that people like it : )
Nice to meet you!!
Nice to meet you too! I went to read your “review” of The Social Network, it was hilarious. But we do totally disagree on that one.
Without a doubt one of Fincher’s finest. It’s hard to choose between this and Fight Club bug the two of them are amongst my favourite films of all time. Gritty goodness.
Can’t argue with you there, Muckers!
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good review. I’m too lazy to check on IMDB, but what has screenwriter Andrew Kevin Walker done since? I know he wrote the Nicolas Cage thing ‘8mm’, but honestly I can’t recall seeing his name since.
Hey – thanks!
I’m too lazy to even read who the screenwriters are…. and I’m trying to write a screenplay….