Crimson Peak (2015) & Dark Shadows (2012) Reviews

Two more quick re-posts of horror movie reviews for October Horror Month. Not the best films (especially the Tim Burton one) but they both have style…

Crimson Peak (2015)

Directed by Guillermo del Toro

Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Jessica Chastain, Tom Hiddleston, Charlie Hunnam, Jim Beaver

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The story, set in Victorian era England, follows an aspiring author who travels to a remote Gothic mansion in the English hills with her new husband and his sister. There, she must decipher the mystery behind the ghostly visions that haunt her new home.

My Opinion:

I do love a gothic horror and, while none of Guillermo del Toro’s films are personal favorites of mine, I did like The Shape Of Water & think Pan’s Labyrinth is a brilliant & visually stunning film. So I’m not sure what took me so long to check out Crimson Peak as it’s the type of thing I enjoy.

And I did definitely enjoy it despite it not being perfect. The story is fine but the atmosphere & the look are what I care about in this type of film and Crimson Peak didn’t disappoint in that department. Loved that creepy dilapidated mansion! I couldn’t find many great images to use for this post but that could be because the movie is quite dark & still images don’t do it justice.

I have to say the most disappointing thing in this film are its stars. I’ve never liked Jessica Chastain’s acting & she was as bad as always. I also find Tom Hiddleston a bit bland, although his character was okay, and I’ll never get why Mia Wasikowska became so big when she’s so boring (although this role was perfect for her, so I didn’t mind her in this). But I don’t care that much about who stars in a movie, although it’s an added bonus when it’s actors I do really like. So the stars didn’t ruin this film for me anyway.

It’s a pretty straightforward ghost story and a tad predictable but it’s still a solid “haunted house” film with some great imagery. Overall, though, it’s disappointing compared to Guillermo del Toro’s other films. But we can’t expect Pan’s Labyrinth every time.

My Rating: 7/10

Dark Shadows (2012)

Directed by Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, Bella Heathcote

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
An imprisoned vampire, Barnabas Collins, is set free and returns to his ancestral home, where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection.

My Opinion:

This was the ONLY Tim Burton-directed film I’d not seen so I finally checked it out. Ugh. I suppose I should update my Tim Burton Movie Rankings HERE but I’m too lazy at the moment. It’s probably second or third to last anyway.

What a huge disappointment, especially after it started out okay. Then it all went to shit in the final third. I did enjoy the ensemble cast, though – I do love Michelle Pfeiffer & am happy that (I think?) we’re allowed to like Johnny Depp again (Are we?! Hard to keep track these days). Alice Cooper was also in this (as Alice Cooper). So, bonus points for that since I love Cooper (even though the cameo was stupid and felt forced into the story – it worked much better in Wayne’s World!).

The story was just messy and the characters were hateful. Eva Green is sexy but her psycho slut character was just dumb. Meh. Whatever. I’ll give it an okay score since, as I said, it started out okay plus it had some style, as to be expected from Burton. And Alice Cooper is in it.

My Rating: 6/10

Truth Or Dare (2018) & American Mary (2012) Reviews

For October Horror Month, I’ll be re-posting some mini-reviews of horror movies that I watched in the past year. Here are my reviews for Truth Or Dare & American Mary…

Truth Or Dare (2018)

Directed by Jeff Wadlow

Produced by Jason Blum

Starring: Lucy Hale, Tyler Posey, Violett Beane, Hayden Szeto, Sophia Taylor Ali, Landon Liboiron

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Truth Or Dare follows a group of college students who play a game of truth or dare while on vacation in Mexico, only to realize it has deadly consequences if they don’t follow through on their tasks.

My Brief Opinion:

I did NOT expect to like this AT ALL. Why do I watch so many horror movies I expect to be shitty?! Oh yeah – because my husband doesn’t get mad at me when I watch shitty movies without him. 😉 Anyway, this is a pretty typical cheesy slasher film filled with twenty-something twats. But as far as that sort of thing goes, I actually thought this was fairly decent example of the genre. A good bad horror movie! I’m a sucker for supernatural horror so was happy about that aspect of the film but know this doesn’t work for everyone. The story actually gave me a Final Destination vibe as this “curse” comes after these characters one by one and there’s seemingly no way out as they are forced to play along or die. The characters were somewhat better than your usual twenty-something horror twats, too. Most were even likable! Only two were assholes. I want to want characters to survive and will never understand why horror films often make absolutely everyone hateful. The overall story is a little predictable and it doesn’t exactly feel like we’re seeing anything new here. However, some of the truths & dares were fairly original and I had a decent enough time watching this knowing it’s slightly silly. The ending was also a bit stupid but, hell, what movie like this doesn’t have a stupid ending?! I’ve seen plenty of twenty-something twat supernatural horrors far worse than this one.

My Rating: 6/10

American Mary (2012)

Directed & Written by Jen and Sylvia Soska

Starring: Katharine Isabelle, Antonio Cupo, Tristan Risk, David Lovgren, Paula Lindberg, Clay St. Thomas, John Emmet Tracy, Twan Holliday

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Isabelle plays a medical student desperate for money who begins taking clients from the extreme body modification community in an effort to solve her financial troubles.

My Brief Opinion:

This was pretty hardcore. I’d been meaning to watch this film for a while now to see if it would be a contender for My Top Ten Body Horror Movies list. I’m afraid to say I didn’t love the film but thought Katharine Isabelle did a good job in this crazy role. I thought the film started out pretty strong but it loses its way when Isabelle’s character goes so extreme. She starts out quite innocent (although practising surgery on turkey carcasses while wearing sexy lingerie was odd) but then she goes completely batshit crazy and it just didn’t feel realistic after she was set up as this poor, struggling student who loves her sweet grandmother. I have to say, though, that she seemed to have enough money for lingerie for someone so poor! Lingerie is expensive. If you’re poor, surely you should buy clothes that keep you warm?! But I guess she needed the lingerie for turkey surgery. Anyway! There’s a bit of a revenge plot going on in this film and I did enjoy that because I love some good vengeance. And this was some fucked-up vengeance! I just wish the final half of the film hadn’t fallen apart. We start out on Mary’s side but can’t relate to her anymore by the end (at least, I hope no one can relate to her at the end). Oh well. It’s certainly a memorable film! I give it credit for that. I far prefer a memorable film to something so bland that I won’t remember it in a year.

My Rating: 6/10

ATM (2012) Review

ATM (2012)

Directed by David Brooks

Starring:
Brian Geraghty
Alice Eve
Josh Peck

Running Time: 90 minutes (so, 80 minutes too long)

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
On a late night visit to an ATM, three co-workers end up in a desperate fight for their lives when they become trapped by an unknown man.

My Opinion:

I reviewed House At The End Of The Street recently and was a total snobby bitch about how awful it was. Well, you know what? That was The Godfather compared to this pile of shit! When I first read about this I thought “Three people trapped in one of those little ATM shelter things I think they only have in big cities in America as I’ve only ever seen one in that episode of Friends where Chandler got locked in one with a famous model? Can that really work for a whole 90 minute movie?” NO! Apparently it can’t!!!

Well, I don’t know – maybe it could have worked with a better script & characters. Hell, I liked Panic Room. Come to think of it, there was also that Ryan Reynolds movie where he’s buried underground for the whole thing and that wasn’t TOO bad, although I didn’t love it (oh – that was actually written by the same guy who wrote ATM! just noticed that on the poster above). Oh, and I have yet to see Locke, which is just Tom Hardy in a car, but THAT looks good. So, okay – the concept here maybe wasn’t all that bad. I guess the problem is the idiotic characters, stupid script, a totally generic “bad guy”, and one of those horror movie endings that makes you go “what the hell was the point of all that?!”

Alice Eve is hot, though. Why do the boys in the audience get her while we have to look at the two dorks above? Really?? That kid from Drake & Josh??? He was also in the Red Dawn remake I suffered through recently. Ugh. If for some reason you’re a fan of his, do yourself a favor & watch the movie Mean Creek instead. That was pretty good. Do NOT watch this! I’m bored. Summary time!

Summary:

Two guys, one girl with big cups. Stuck in an ATM thingy for 90 minutes while some psycho torments them (and us!) for no reason whatsoever. Yawnfest.

My Rating: 3.5/10

House At The End Of The Street (2012) Review

House At The End Of The Street (2012)

Directed by Mark Tonderai

Starring:
Jennifer Lawrence
Max Thieriot
Gil Bellows
Elisabeth Shue
Eva Link
Nolan Gerard Funk
Allie MacDonald

Running time: 101 minutes

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film’s plot revolves around a teenage girl named Elissa who, along with her newly divorced mother Sarah, moves to a new neighborhood only to discover that the house at the end of the street was the site of a gruesome double murder committed by a girl named Carrie Anne who disappeared without a trace. Elissa then starts a relationship with Carrie Anne’s brother Ryan, who now lives in the same house.

My Opinion:

Well, this was a load of shit. That was easy! Review over. 😉

Okay – I suppose it’s not the absolute worst “PG-13 horror” EVER but when you’re old like me & you’ve seen a million movies, you like to see something that feels at least somewhat original. The “surprise” ending was soooo NOT surprising – it’s been done before and done much better. Honestly, the ending is just plain stupid and almost felt like an insult to the audience. However, maybe I’m just too old & bitter. A young teen who hasn’t watched many movies like this may like it okay and not say “Really?! Oh, fuck off!” to the screen at the end. (Yes, I did tell this movie to fuck off)

I knew this was meant to be pretty bad but I figured I’d check it out anyway as I like Jennifer Lawrence okay and have loved Elisabeth Shue since my teenage obsession with Adventures In Babysitting. I know Shue has been in some dodgy shit in recent years but what’s Lawrence doing in this?? Well, both actresses do the best they can with the material, I guess. Lawrence’s character of course doesn’t listen to her mother’s warnings and keeps hanging out with Ryan, the son of the murdered couple who used to live next door (and possible psychopath??? who knows! and who the fuck cares!). This is just one of those movies where the characters do stupid things that annoy you. I was bored. I was only half paying attention at the end and ended up thoroughly confused over a couple of things but couldn’t be arsed to rewind and rewatch. So I filled in the gaps reading Wikipedia. Yeah, I didn’t miss much – the story was still shit!

Summary:

This sucks. A boring and thoroughly unoriginal example of PG-13 horror BLANDNESS. Ugh. I don’t recommend this unless you’ve never ever watched another movie in your life. If this is the first movie you ever watch, maybe you won’t be able to guess what will happen pretty much every step of the way. However, if you’ve never ever watched a movie before, it would make me really sad if you started with this one! So, yeah – I guess I don’t actually recommend this to anyone.

My Rating: 4/10

**I saw this great YouTube video recently called “WTF Happened To PG-13?” that I thought would be good to share now. I know I’ve said before that I’m a wuss on extreme violence and am sometimes happier with my “PG-13” horror films. However, I hate how the rating is too often used just for BAD teenage horror and often also as an excuse to release some “uncut” version later on DVD. The video shows how PG-13 used to push the boundaries of the PG rating and nowadays, instead, it’s used water down R-rated films and turn them into “PG-13 Blandness” like this. Anyway – it’s an interesting video if you want to check it out. 🙂

Magic Mike (2012) Review

You may be aware that The IPC was taken over this week by these lovely ladies: Zoe, Smash, and Cara (or should I say Miguel?? I don’t want to piss him off!). 😉

Anyway, Eric stupidly kindly agreed to let me take over today. The fool! So I posted about a shitty movie full of half naked men. You can read my review of Magic Mike HERE.

My 2012 Movie Round-Up

I’m only including the ones I went to in the cinema in 2012, not ones watched on DVD. In order from my favorite to least favorite:

1. The Artist – 9/10

This counts as I saw it in the cinema in January 2012. I’m in the UK so we’re usually a little behind on movies (much to my annoyance). 😉 Excellent, beautiful, moving movie without a bunch of unnecessary noise and with really cool shoes & clothing. I wanted to somehow crawl into the screen and live in this movie.

2. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower – 8.5/10

Can’t fully put my finger on it but really loved this movie. Already reviewed it on here so won’t go into it much again but I think it’s just because I really felt I could identify with the characters and wished they’d been MY group of friends in 1991, when the movie takes place (and when I was actually the same age as them!). Reading the book now.

3. Ted – 8.5/10

I’m not much of a “comedy movie” person. Not because I don’t have a sense of humor but because NOTHING is funny these days! Maybe I’m just too old and out of touch since I haven’t found anything funny since Wayne’s World, The Princess Bride & This Is Spinal Tap. But, holy crap -Ted was freaking hilarious! Thank you god! A funny movie! Finally! Or… Thank you Seth MacFarlane. Whatever. 🙂

4. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – 8/10

I saw this four days ago and still need to do a review of it. I’m still trying to decide exactly what I think of it, though. I’m a big fan of the book and of course The Lord of the Rings books & movies. Is it as good as any of The Lord of the Rings movies? Unfortunately, no. But did I enjoy it like I was a small child opening Christmas presents? Hell yeah. 🙂

5. The Dark Knight Rises – 8/10

I’m pretty geeky (for a girl) and should be more into the Batman films than I am. Maybe it’s because I don’t like Christian Bale. Or because I just really couldn’t get into Batman Begins. The Dark Knight, however, was brilliant. All because of Heath Ledger for me (and many people, of course). So The Dark Knight Rises was never going to live up to that one but I still enjoyed it thoroughly and thought it was a good conclusion.

6. Untouchable – 8.5/10

It’s the French Shawshank Redemption. But not set in a prison. And one guy is in a wheelchair. And there’s comedy unlike in Shawshank. And it’s a true story. And, you know – they speak French. But, otherwise, it’s Shawshank! And considering that The Shawshank Redemption is the best film of ALL TIME, it means this movie is pretty damn good as well. Seriously, though, this is a very touching true story about male friendship between two people who are very different. It should probably be above The Hobbit and The Dark Knight Rises, to be honest. Not above the vulgar teddy bear but, still, I highly recommend this!

7. The Hunger Games – 8/10

Love love love the books. (Well, the first two at least). They did a decent job adapting the book. Of course things had to be left out and there wasn’t near as much character development but that’s to be expected (unless it’s done by Peter Jackson who would manage to make a short book 20 hours long). At least they didn’t change TOO much. And I think Jennifer Lawrence is perfect for the role.

8. Skyfall – 8/10

I should start by saying I’m not a Bond fan AT ALL. I’ve only seen maybe five Bond films and not one of those was even a Sean Connery one (Seriously! I’m so ashamed). So, as a non-Bond fan just enjoying a film where I’m not fully up on all I should know about the main character, I thought this was a great movie. I loved the emotion and serious nature of it and don’t think I’d go for the older, more light-hearted ones anyway. They’re more light-hearted, right? I should probably just shut up and watch some of them as I don’t know what I’m talking about. 🙂

9. The Avengers – 7.5/10

Superheroes! Lots of them! Yay! Chris Hemsworth! BIG yay! Fun popcorn movie! Yay! Oscar worthy? No, but who cares! I’d have to say I probably prefer the Iron Man movies so far. But Chris Hemsworth isn’t in those…

10. Looper – 7.5/10

This movie is very ME. I love sci-fi. I love time travel. I love Joseph Gordon-Levitt since 500 Days Of Summer (in a little brother kind of way). I had very high expectations so that probably didn’t help me being slightly disappointed. Plot holes (but when aren’t there in time travel movies?) and… something else that was missing from this movie (don’t know what!) brings this much further down the 2012 list than I was hoping it would be. It started out with almost Blade Runner-type potential. But, damn – it ended up being nowhere near the classic that is. My fault for wanting another Blade Runner masterpiece, probably! It was still a fun movie, though.

11. Prometheus – 7/10

Argh! I’m so upset! This was meant to be number ONE this year! This was meant to be a CLASSIC like the absolutely brilliant Alien & Aliens! Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!!! But I can’t put it any further down the list or give it a lower rating than this because… Well, because of Alien & Aliens! Argh! Damn you, Prometheus! Damn you! (But, really, people were a BIT hard on Prometheus, don’t you think?) :-p

12. The Muppets – 7/10

The Muppets! And Amy Adams. Good enough for me! 🙂

13. Chronicle – 7/10

Getting a little bored with the “super powers” thing but felt this was a pretty good and fairly original take on it. And sick of found footage! But it worked well with this movie.

14. Brave – 7/10

Pixar! I worship Pixar!!! Was therefore really hoping that Brave would be much higher than this. Still a much better animated movie than anything not done by Pixar, though! (Except Despicable Me) 🙂 And still much better than the Cars movies, the only Pixar movies I don’t love. And Merida is a good addition to the Disney Princess merchandising mania.

15. Argo – 7/10

Probably deserves a higher rating but it all felt a little “flat” to me. For an extremely interesting and emotional true story, I wasn’t feeling the emotion for some reason. Plus, I think I have a thing against Ben Affleck. Love the story, though.

16. The Cabin in the Woods – 6/10

It’s definitely a love it or hate it. Saying that, though, I’d say I just found it average so I’m full of shit. But, hey – Chris Hemsworth again! He’s worth at least one additional point on the rating scale.

17. Snow White & The Huntsman – 6/10

This was better than I was expecting and I think it could have been even better if it hadn’t been for one HUGE mistake. Kristen Stewart! SO SO SO wrong for this role! Know who WAS perfect in this movie, though? That’s right – Chris Hemsworth! Oh yeah.

18. The Amazing Spider-Man – 6/10

Not actually that bad, but… What’s the point?? Do prefer Andrew Garfield to Tobey Maguire, though.

19. Frankenweenie – 6/10

Tim Burton – I’ve fallen out of love with him in recent years. This was better than some of his recent stuff. But it worked better as a short.

20. The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists! – 5.5/10

Meh

21. The Woman in Black – 5.5/10

Boo! *yawn*

22. The Descendants – 5.5/10

Why all the hype? Sideways was much better.

23. Red Lights – 5/10

My friend chose this. I’m never letting her choose the movie again.

24. Tinker Bell & the Secret of the Wings – 4.5/10

I SO didn’t choose this. And I already spent WAY too much time reviewing this in a separate post.

25. Sinister – 4/10

WTF?

26. Ice Age 4 – 4/10

The first three aren’t TOO bad (for non-Pixar movies!). They should have stopped at three.

2012 Movies Seen So Far

I’m only including the ones I’ve actually gone to see in the cinema this year. In order from my favorite to least favorite – I’ll post thoughts on some of these at another time:

The Artist
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Ted
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
The Dark Knight Rises
Untouchable
The Hunger Games
Skyfall
Looper
The Avengers
Prometheus
The Muppets
Chronicle
Argo
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Cabin in the Woods
Brave
Snow White & The Huntsman
Frankenweenie
The Pirates
The Woman in Black
The Descendants
Red Lights
Tinker Bell & the Secret of the Wings
Sinister
Ice Age 4