Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Naomie Harris, Malin Akerman, Jake Lacy, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb) When three different animals become infected with a dangerous pathogen, a primatologist and a geneticist team up to stop them from destroying Chicago.
Went to this movie the other night with the hubby & kid. It’s cool when the kids get older and the “family” movies get more fun! It’s probably the most extreme film the kid has now seen – it’s a fairly full-on monster movie. As far as family monster movies go (are there many of those??), Rampage was predictable and somewhat forgettable but a thoroughly entertaining popcorn movie. We all enjoyed it.
I may be starting to like Dwayne Johnson. I mean, I never paid much attention to him and I don’t think I’ve seen many movies he’s been in (I can only think of this, San Andreas & Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle). Oh, I suppose there’s Moana as well but he’s possibly the worst thing about that. Sorry! I don’t think he’s personally bad in it – I just don’t like Disney characters who aren’t timeless. I also really don’t like the Genie in Aladdin although I like Robin Williams. I want a Disney character, not a really obvious real-life actor. Oops – I’m off topic! The Rock is perfect for roles such as the one in Rampage and in Jumanji, which I actually liked a heck of a lot and found very funny. Weird how these big muscle guys end up in comedies or family movies so often. Well, Johnson is all he needs to be in this role. Is that a compliment? I think I mean it as one. I mean, it’s not like a movie like this is going to win anyone an Academy Award or anything.
The real star of this, though, is the albino gorilla (named George). Johnson’s character has helped raise George & taught him sign language but things all go to shit when a spaceship explodes with, like, science experiments that crash land in the Everglades and turn three creatures (including George) into enormous, raging monsters. The villains (those in charge of the experiments, including Malin Akerman) are cheesy as fuck but that’s the way villains should be in these sort of movies. Naomie Harris was good as the experiment expert (geneticist) who teams up with Johnson. Jeffrey Dean Morgan was mostly just distracting since he made me think about how much The Walking Dead sucks now. Who cares, though – this movie is all about the big monkey. George is cool. My kid loved him.
Rampage. It’s a monster movie. It’s cheesy but fun. It’s based on a video game that I know nothing about. Some have said it’s probably the best video game movie (as we know, they all suck major ass for some strange reason). No, it’s not a “good” movie but it’s fun & thoroughly entertaining. Yes, it’s probably now the best video game movie. There’s loads of action so, if you love watching monsters destroying big cities, you won’t be disappointed. It’s directed by the same guy who did San Andreas, which was a fun disaster movie but was also a truly bad film. Rampage has just as much destruction but it’s definitely a big improvement on San Andreas. And it’s cooler watching mutant monsters destroying cities than earthquakes. And there were no lovable big gorillas in San Andreas. Rampage is definitely the better film. I kind of want to give it a slightly higher rating…
Three quickie reviews today & I mean it. I’m going to try to not ramble on in my reviews anymore. I mainly just like discussing movies with people in the comments so I’m only really here to say whether I liked a film or not & then to hear what others have to say about it.
It’s an odd assortment today but I can tell you that one was really good, one was really bad but fun, and one was just really bad with a great concept it somehow managed to shit all over. I’m sure you can guess which is which…
The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three (1974)
Directed by Joseph Sargent
Based on The Taking of Pelham One Two Three by John Godey
Starring: Walter Matthau, Robert Shaw, Martin Balsam, Hector Elizondo
Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB) In New York, armed men hijack a subway car and demand a ransom for the passengers. Even if it’s paid, how could they get away?
I really enjoyed this movie. I love movies from the 1970s and was happy when both this & Escape From Alcatrazbecame available on one of our movie services. Man it’s hard keeping track of which movies are available where, when & how – I know I’m old school but I still kind of prefer just being able to go to a video store. So, anyway – I made the hubby watch them both with me about the same time last year and they were great. Alcatraz was better and I highly recommend that one but Pelham was really good as well. No, I’ve not seen the remake with John Travolta and I don’t plan to.
If you’ve not seen this, imagine Speed set on a subway train in 1974 instead of a bus with attractive people in 1994. So, I guess Walter Matthau is kind of the Keanu Reeves in this. Gotta say I prefer Keanu (he was such a hottie in Speed). Actually, I found Matthau a bit distracting but he was probably the only thing I didn’t really like about this as he just seemed out of place. Robert Shaw was great as one of the hijackers, though! I think I’d only ever seen him in Jaws before this (which he’s AWESOME in). All the hijackers were great & I loved all the drama on the train. The only times the movie dragged a little were when we got away from that action and back to the cops & Matthau’s character dealing with the hostage takers’ ransom demands. Overall, though, The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three is a great 70’s action thriller I’d definitely recommend to anyone who is a fan of this sort of genre.
My Rating: 7.5/10
San Andreas (2015)
Directed by Brad Peyton
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Carla Gugino, Alexandra Daddario, Ioan Gruffudd, Archie Panjabi, Paul Giamatti
Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB) In the aftermath of a massive earthquake in California, a rescue-chopper pilot makes a dangerous journey with his ex-wife across the state in order to rescue his daughter.
Ha! This movie was so bad. But it was “fun bad”. It was exactly what I think we’ve all come to expect from these cheesy disaster movies so, therefore, I kind of enjoyed it. It’s utterly ridiculous. Some random people get saved at the last minute, which is supposed to make the audience all cheer while thousands of others are sucked into the Earth to their deaths. Never mind those people as long as a girl with big boobs & a dog get saved! Actually, San Andreas didn’t pull the “save the dog” trick. Damn – I always laugh out loud when the dogs get saved…
Alexandra Daddario wears a shirt over a tight tank top which, conveniently, has to he taken off & used as a bandage or something. I don’t remember. But this is just in time for the coming flood which will see her submerged in water while wearing the tight tank top, of course. She’s ended up with a somewhat dorky boy her age who can’t believe his luck at being in an earthquake with such a babe and his little brother who I realized was Rickon Stark. Then they had to run from the earthquake while Kylie Minogue shot arrows at them. Okay, not really but that would’ve been funny. But Kylie Monogue was seriously in this. WTF? Not for long, though – she falls out of a building. Sorry! That’s not really a spoiler since she’s a bitch & this film follows the disaster movie rules of “If you’re an asshole, you die”. Then Dwayne Johnson dies. HA! Just kidding! Of course he doesn’t. He’s not an asshole – he’s the hero! Can you believe that this is the only Dwayne Johnson movie I’ve ever seen??? Oh yeah – and I totally forgot that Paul Giamatti was in this in a completely pointless role. I guess we all gotta pay the bills, huh? And, let’s see… Dwayne Johnson & Carla Gugino (Alexandra “tight tank top” Daddario’s parents) are divorced because they have a tragic past that tore them apart but now they have to work together to save their daughter and THE END IS A COMPLETE SHOCK THAT I DIDN’T SEE COMING!!!! Lol. Just kidding. Predictable disaster movie bullshit every step of the way. GOOD! That’s exactly what I wanted & this movie delivered. Fun bad! But still very bad… 😉
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Peter Dinklage, Josh Gad, Brian Cox
Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB) When aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games.
When I found out they’d be making a full length movie of the fantastic Pixels short film, I was excited. It’s such an awesome concept & the short is great. What could possibly go wrong, right? Holy shit – how did they manage to mess this film up so completely?! You can watch the (far superior) short film HERE.
I actually don’t hate Adam Sandler like I know a lot of people do. He’s been in plenty of movies that are complete & utter shit but he’s also been in several that I liked okay. He’s from “my” era of SNL and, overall, I don’t really have anything against him. But I worried like hell when I heard that this would be an Adam Sandler film & thought “well, maybe it will have decent writers & he’ll just star in it”. Nope, this is an Adam Sandler movie. It’s not the worst of his worst: it’s one of the “mediocre” Adam Sandler movies. But that’s not what this should’ve been! There was so much potential here to make a decent movie out of that brilliant short and instead they decided to make The Waterboy version of Pixels. Pixels Gilmore! Pixels Madison! Pixels Nicky! You Don’t Mess With The Pixels! I Now Pronounce You Pixels & Larry! 8 (Bit) Crazy Pixels!
This movie was such a massive disappointment. Sandler is actually fine, I guess – he’s far less annoying than the other characters. Kevin James plays the most unbelievable President Of The United States in the history of film. Peter Dinklage is, sadly, just plain embarrassing. Not only did this movie piss all over the short film but it also managed to somewhat destroy one of the greatest Game Of Thrones characters for me! Rickon Stark was better in San Andreas. Oh, and that reminds me: Sean Bean has a small role in this too. How could I forget Ned Stark being in this as well?! Because the movie is forgettable, that’s why. Michelle Monaghan, unsurprisingly, plays Sandler’s usual paint-by-numbers love interest. Q*bert plays a character WHO TALKS. What the @!#?@! That really annoyed me. Wreck-It Ralph got Q*bert right! Wreck-It Ralph got a lot of things right. That movie has really gone up in my opinion over time & Pixels made me appreciate it even more. Watch the Pixels short & watch Wreck-It Ralph. Watch any of the movies in my list of My Top Ten Video Game Movies. Then watch The Wedding Singer if you want to watch an Adam Sandler movie because that one is good. Then, if you really MUST satisfy your curiosity, watch Pixels with extremely low expectations. After all my bitching, I should give this a lower score but I’ve seen movies that are worse and I have to admit that one cool thing came out of watching this: it got my daughter very interested in classic arcade games. That alone made the movie worthwhile but, dammit, I really wish it had been good.
My Rating: 5/10
**The soundtrack for Pixels predictably features songs that you just KNOW Sandler chose from his own collection of personal favorites. The main song featured was Cheap Trick’s Surrender: