Annabelle: Creation, The Autopsy Of Jane Doe & It Comes At Night Movie Reviews

Here’s another repost of three super brief “reviews” of three dreadful horror movies I watched this year. I desperately need to see a GOOD horror film. Here’s hoping Mandy lives up to the hype. I’ve booked a ticket to see it this week. Can’t wait!

Annabelle: Creation (2017)

Directed by David F. Sandberg

Starring: Stephanie Sigman, Talitha Bateman, Anthony LaPaglia, Miranda Otto

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Annabelle: Creation is a prequel to 2014’s Annabelle and the fourth installment in The Conjuring Universe. The film stars Stephanie Sigman, Talitha Bateman, Anthony LaPaglia, and Miranda Otto, and depicts the possessed Annabelle doll’s origin.

My Brief Opinion:

Ugh. I trashed the first movie HERE. The first film was ridiculous and couldn’t have been more cliché. At first, it seemed that this one was going to be much better. Oh, hell no! It’s even worse. I think it made me appreciate the first film more, even with all its overused horror tropes. Those things are overused because they sometimes work. This sequel probably could have used a little more of that. I dunno. I think what annoys me with modern horror films such as these, besides the predictability and stupid jump scares and lack of originality or good storytelling, is the filmmakers’ obvious hatred for the characters. The characters are only there to die. So why would I give a shit about what happens? In that case, I’d rather watch silly 80’s slashers which had a sense of fun. We need at least one person to root for/to possibly survive/to not be possessed. I mean, we do have a nice group of young girls I wanted to like but they got so little character development. And a tragic beginning turns a sweet couple into “creepy people who act strange”. It doesn’t end well in this film for people who don’t deserve to suffer (sorry if that’s spoiler-y). And, okay, maybe I don’t like sweet young girls turning into psychotic demons. Well, maybe in a good movie. Actually, I like demonic kids – The Omen is awesome… Never mind. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. This movie just sucked.

Oh, hey – I suppose I can again use this opportunity to link to my post of My Top Ten Creepy Dolls In Movies & TV. And, as I reviewed The Nun last week, here are my reviews & ratings of all the Conjuring Universe films:

The Conjuring – 7.5/10
The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Case – 6/10
The Nun – 5.5/10
Annabelle – 5/10
Annabelle: Creation – 4.5/10

My Rating: 4.5/10

The Autopsy Of Jane Doe (2016)

Directed by André Øvredal

Starring: Emile Hirsch, Brian Cox, Olwen Catherine Kelly

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film stars Emile Hirsch and Brian Cox as father-and-son coroners who experience supernatural phenomena while examining the body of an unidentified woman (played by Olwen Kelly).

My Brief Opinion:

Why do I bother to watch modern horror movies when 90% of them suck? Like this one. I don’t know if I have the energy to again do horror movie reviews for all of October this year. If I do, I’ll review this piece of shit. For now, I’ll be nice and say that at least this one also had a fairly original concept and going through the stages of the autopsy was kind of interesting.

**Okay – that was my initial review. Damn! I guess I didn’t actually review this. Since seeing this film, I’ve seen far worse (Jug Face – WTF was that?! I’ll review that later this week). So I’m now thinking I was a little harsh on this one. I’ll say that this one did have a fairly creepy atmosphere. I mean, what’s more creepy than a morgue? And it started out fairly promising. As I said, the stages of the autopsy were interesting as they found more & more bizarre things to do with this unidentified girl’s body. Too bad it turned too silly by the end, as most horror movies do.

My Rating: 4.5/10

It Comes At Night (2017)

Directed by Trey Edward Shults

Starring: Joel Edgerton, Christopher Abbott, Carmen Ejogo, Kelvin Harrison Jr., Riley Keough

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Secure within a desolate home as an unnatural threat terrorizes the world, a man has established a tenuous domestic order with his wife and son. Then a desperate young family arrives seeking refuge.

My Brief Opinion:

Another 2017 movie that I was wanting to see ASAP due to its rave reviews at the time. WTF?! I was bored out of my damn mind! I’m starting to truly believe that IMDb is being filled with fake reviews written by the studios. This has a 78 out of 100 metascore?! Fuck off! Nothing happens in this but, to be fair, there’s more of a plot than the mumblegore stuff. The performances are good, especially from Joel Edgerton’s son in the movie (Kelvin Harrison Jr). But. But. Ugh. I don’t know. If someone here did like this, I’d genuinely be interested to hear why. Because maybe I’m missing something since, for a horror, it has a decent IMDb user rating as well (6.2). I’m really annoyed with the shitty movies I wasted time on this year. I have too many other things to do.

My Rating: 4.5/10

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My Blog’s October 2016 Horror Month Recap

Hi all! Happy November! October’s month of horror-related posts is always fun but I’m also happy to move on once the month finishes. So let’s just have a quick recap of the 31 horror movie reviews & four horror top tens that I posted in October. 🙂

POSTS

My Most Popular Post: My Top Ten Crazy Ladies In Movies. This was by far my most-viewed post. It was a hard list to do as there have been so many fantastic actresses playing the “crazy” thing brilliantly. Plus I did all genres, so this one wasn’t horror-only. Us crazy ladies cross all genres. 😉

I was also very surprised that my list of My Top Ten Devil & Hell Songs, which I posted last year, was my second most popular post. Strange… Not sure where those views were coming from. The bowels of Hell, maybe?? Awesome.

My Favorite Post: Phenomena (1985) Blind Spot Review. I don’t have a lot of experience with Dario Argento’s films but I had fun reviewing this as one of my Blind Spot choices. It was seriously nuts & didn’t make much sense. I can relate to that…

MOVIES REVIEWED

My Most Popular Movie Review: Don’t Breathe. Ugh. How disappointing that this was my most-viewed review! I didn’t like this film very much & honestly don’t understand the decent reviews it’s had. But, as always, current releases get the most views which is why I try to at least review everything I manage to go to in the cinema. But I have a lot more fun reviewing unpopular old shit… 😉

All Movies Reviewed (ranked favorite to least favorite):

Magic (Blind Spot Review)
Phenomena (Blind Spot Review)
Trick ‘r Treat
Eyes Without A Face (Blind Spot Review)
Honeymoon
Absentia
Hush
The Invitation
Goosebumps
The Visit
Audrey Rose
A Good Marriage
John Carpenter’s Vampires
Fright Night (2011)
Deathgasm
Annabelle
Don’t Breathe
Housebound
Finders Keepers

Reblogs (Okay, I cheated a little by reblogging old horror reviews of mine at the weekends to make it up to 31 reviews. Again ranked favorite to least favorite):

The Descent
Dead Of Night
A Tale Of Two Sisters
The Boy
The Host
What We Do In The Shadows
Krampus
Dolls
The Innkeepers
Lights Out
Dog Soldiers
Oculus


Cutest. Puppy. EVER.

MOVIES WATCHED

Yep, I only actually watched two horror movies in October. All my reviews were for movies I’ve watched over the past year & saved up to review in October. Time management!

In Cinema:
Kubo And The Two Strings
Trolls

At Home (ranked favorite to least favorite):
Trick ‘r Treat
Desperately Seeking Susan (re-watch)
Blended (You know what? I liked this Adam Sandler film. Deal with it!) 😉
John Wick
Manhattan
Brooklyn
John Carpenter’s Vampires

TOP TEN LISTS

Top Ten Crazy Ladies In Movies
Top Ten Horror Movie Scores & Soundtracks
Top Ten Creepy Dolls In Movies & Television
Top Ten Horror Movies Of The 21st Century

SEARCH TERMS

My Top Search Term: “Michael Jackson Songs“. I posted the Thriller video for my Music Video Friday series to kick off my month of horror. Funny that this was the top search term (by far). Good to know his music lives on! This album is an all-time classic.

My Favorite Search Term: “Jennifer O Connelly horse ride gif“. Mainly because I like the added O. It’s just Jennifer Connelly, not Jennifer O’Connelly! I like that, though… How very Irish. By the way, here’s the link to that horse ride gif that pervs keep searching my blog for: Career Opportunities (1991) Review.

I also like “French blue movies” (that would be Blue Is The Warmest Color & Three Colors: Blue, I guess?) and “swimming pool scenes in movies” (because I liked doing that top ten list HERE).

Here are my top search terms for the month:

BOOKS

Book Reviewed: None – I focused on horror movie reviews instead.

Books I’ve Just Finished: Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel & Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams

Book I’m Currently Reading: Battle Royale by Koushun Takami

BLOG PLANS FOR THE COMING MONTH

Very little. I’m in serious need of a blog break & focusing on real-life stuff. But I’ll never give this hobby up completely. I love watching movies & chatting with you guys about them far too much to fully give this up! So I have no specific plans other than to post reviews of current films when I happen to go to them & do the occasional top ten or older movie review when I have the time & feel like it.

On November 12th & 13th, I’ve signed up to do one review for the At The Circus Blogathon hosted by Serendipitous Anachronisms & Crìtica Retrô. I love that theme & had to grab the opportunity to finally review the fantastic 1932 film Freaks. Am looking forward to re-watching and reviewing that and to reading all the other bloggers’ entries.

Upcoming Movies:

There are two November cinema releases I’m desperate to see: Arrival & Your Name. Due to lack of time, my excessive movie-watching days are now behind me but I will NOT miss these two. Both are total “me” films. Sci-fi and critically acclaimed Japanese anime?! Yes, please! 🙂 Arrival is mainstream enough to not be a problem but I’m unlikely to find anywhere near me showing Your Name. I really need to live next door to an indie cinema…

Okay, I’m going to rank these like a loser! In order starting with what I want to see the most (aside from the first couple, I’ll probably wait for Netflix):

Cinema:
TIE: The Arrival & Your Name
Potential Netflix-watching:
The Wailing
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them
Bad Santa 2
Gimme Danger
Maybe watch if I ever have time:
Nocturnal Animals
The Edge Of Seventeen
The Accountant
Paterson
The Light Between Oceans

I always end recaps with a movie-related song so I have to go with Iron Maiden’s Flash Of The Blade as heard in Phenomena. MAIDEN!!! \m/

Dolls (1987) Review

I originally posted this review for the Recommended By Blogathon over at Head In A Vice. Hopefully Tyson doesn’t mind me re-posting it in full now as it’s the perfect fit for the Creepy Dolls Week I’m doing here. 🙂

Dolls (1987)

Directed by Stuart Gordon

Starring: Stephen Lee, Guy Rolfe, Hilary Mason, Ian Patrick Williams, Carolyn Purdy Gordon, Cassie Stuart, Bunty Bailey, Carrie Lorraine

Running time: 77 minutes

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
A group of people stop by a mansion during a storm and discover two magical toy makers, and their haunted collection of dolls.

Why I Chose This For The Recommended By Blogathon:

Dolls was reviewed HERE by Laura over at FILMNERDBLOG & I thought it sounded hilariously bad but fun. Laura reviews a wide variety of films but seems to especially have a love/hate relationship with cheesy horror movies. I started following her when I saw she was reviewing things like Basket Case. 🙂

I thought it was time I return the favor as Laura has watched a couple of movies based on my reviews (From Beyond, which is from the same director as Dolls, and the awesome Hardware). I think she regretted both, especially From Beyond. Lol! I mean, check this From Beyond shit out – what a trooper she is:

My Opinion On Dolls:

I don’t think I liked this QUITE as much as Laura did but I did have a lot of fun with it. It’s pure 80’s cheese with dodgy acting & fake-looking gore so it’s totally my type of thing (I can’t watch modern horror – too gross!). And the DOLLS… Man I hate dolls – I can’t think of anything much creepier than going into some strange old mansion in the middle of nowhere & finding it’s filled with THESE:

The characters in Dolls are exactly what you’d expect from a horror movie like this (and I mean that in a good way). The main character is the young girl and she’s cute & sweet and you want everything to turn out okay for her as she’s stranded in this mansion with her father & step-mother who are both complete assholes. I really thought the step-mother was a man until I looked her up at IMDB. Turns out she was also in From Beyond! Ha!


Also stranded in this mansion on this stormy night are two girls dressed as “punks” crossed with Madonna and they speak in ridiculously bad Cockney accents. I think? I’m bad with accents. And there’s a nice dorky guy who gave the punk girls a lift and he’s the only one of the bunch (besides the little girl) who isn’t an asshole. Finally, we have the fabulously cliché owners of the mansion: an old doll maker & his wife. These two are great – they totally look the part. Both British actors, the woman was in Don’t Look Now & the man was in movies such as And Now The Screaming Starts! with Peter Cushing and was the Puppet Master in several of the films in that series. Look at these two! Perfect for Dolls:

Anyway – everything you expect to happen, happens. Everyone you expect to die, dies. It’s predictable and the acting is pretty atrocious but… C’mon – Who cares? It’s a movie about dolls that go around killing people! It’s fun! It even has a bit of a moral (which is more than can be said about most horror films). Basically, the moral is that you should always stay young at heart. If you don’t, DOLLS WILL COME TO LIFE & KILL YOU!

Awesome. Thanks, Laura! I really enjoyed watching this one. 🙂

My Rating: 6.5/10

*I’ve upped my rating by half a point. This was a fun watch*

**Can I just add, as I didn’t realize this when I originally posted the review, that the girl (Bunty Bailey) from A-ha’s Take On Me video is in this?! She’s one of the two Cockney punk girls. Hilarious. 🙂