Runaway (1984) Review

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Runaway (1984)

Directed & Written by Michael Crichton

Starring:
Tom Selleck
Cynthia Rhodes
Gene Simmons
Kirstie Alley
Stan Shaw

Running time: 99 minutes

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
In the near future, a police officer specializes in malfunctioning robots. When a robot turns out to have been programmed to kill, he begins to uncover a homicidal plot to create killer robots… and his son becomes a target.

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My Opinion:

What on Earth possessed me to watch this awful piece of shit?? God I make some horrible decisions in life! This was one of them.

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First of all, Tom Selleck is in this. Tom Selleck! He was cool for about two minutes in 1980. Second of all, the one who gets the abortion in Dirty Dancing is in this! Third of all (thirdly?), look at that horrible poster!!!!!! Cuatro, Gene *Fucking* Simmons! Looking like THIS:

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Hahaha! Thousands of women have slept with him? Seriously?!? Must be the tongue. Anyway, I read the plot synopsis while flicking through Netflix and saw the words “killer robots” so I hit play against my better judgement. This movie is the very definition of “not aged well” (like me! ha!). I guess there was a reason I’d never heard of it before – it’s BAD. I adore the Eighties and a lot of my favorite films come from that decade but this movie represents my favorite decade at its cheesy worst. I don’t remember Magnum, P.I. being this bad (but maybe I’d feel differently now – I’ve not seen it in 30 years). This is one of those movies that feels like a low-budget TV show instead of a big motion picture and Selleck just does NOT have movie star power. He was fine on TV but some people just really need to stick to TV… Oh! Kirstie Alley was in this too. I’m not sure whose acting was worse – hers or Simmons. They were both absolutely appalling.

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I can’t really be bothered to talk about this movie any more. It’s shit. It’s written & directed by Michael Crichton. Well, far better films have been made of his stuff – just go watch Jurassic Park instead of this. Watch anything instead of this!!! Selleck and Rhodes are okay in it but they don’t have much to work with. Hey – remember when Cynthia Rhodes was married to Richard Marx? Man he was boring. Remember those videos of his that were all about a murder mystery or something??? I think there were three of them? Wait, of course no one remembers – everyone here is too young.

OH MY GOD – LOOK AT THESE TERRIFYING KlLLER ROBOTS!!!!!

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And…. SPOILER, I guess. But who cares?! I don’t recommend this movie:

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Hahaha!

Whatever.

My Rating: 4/10

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Hey! What a coincidence – Tom Selleck is in the news today for the first time since 1982. Water thief!