John Cena | Cinema Parrot Disco

Bumblebee (2018)

Directed by Travis Knight

Based on Transformers by Hasbro

Starring: Hailee Steinfeld, John Cena, Jorge Lendeborg Jr., John Ortiz, Jason Drucker, Pamela Adlon

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
On the run in the year of 1987, Bumblebee finds refuge in a junkyard in a small Californian beach town. Charlie, on the cusp of turning 18 and trying to find her place in the world, discovers Bumblebee, battle-scarred and broken.

My Opinion:

I’ll keep this review short: Bumblebee was fun. It’s a lot better than those stupid Michael Bay Transformers movies but, hell, it wouldn’t take much to top those. It’s not up there with Steven Spielberg’s family films of the Eighties, though, which I’ve seen Bumblebee compared to. No way. It’s a fun family “popcorn” movie but I wasn’t exactly blown away. (Sorry)

First of all, I’ll say that I’m not a Transformers fan in the slightest so this review is from someone with almost no Transformers knowledge whatsoever. Second of all, I’ll say that I’m damn old so I loved that this is set in 1987. I’m a sucker for anything set in the Eighties since that’s when I grew up. Thirdly, I’m now going to moan about the ways in which they got the Eighties wrong (although the director is my age but I’m assuming he didn’t have full say on all the 80’s stuff that got crammed in).

I liked Hailee Steinfeld’s character in this and of course loved that the lead was a teenage girl (like me in the Eighties). So I could relate to her at times but she’s also a bit too much “ideal Eighties girl” with all her heavy metal t-shirts & dark eyeliner. I was a metalhead in the late 80s (as were most Midwestern teens) but I didn’t own one metal t-shirt. That’s not how girls tended to dress. And we didn’t wear eyeliner in that way. And… I’m sorry but there’s no way a girl wearing a Motörhead t-shirt back then would also be listening to The Smiths. Not as a teen, anyway. The Smiths were the whiny shit you got into once you went to college. (For the record, I do like both metal & The Smiths but as a teen you tended to stick to one genre so you wouldn’t be an outcast).

And don’t even get me started on Rick Fucking Astley!!! News flash for non-80s kids: We didn’t like Rick Astley. He wasn’t some big thing. I know no one who bought a Rick Astley album. AND NO ONE WEARING A MOTÖRHEAD T-SHIRT WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD WITH A RICK ASTLEY CASSETTE!!! There. Music rant over. The music choices for this soundtrack were mostly too damn obvious but I was pleased to hear some songs (Hooray for Tears For Fears). Oh, one more rant: The Smiths are okay but I can only take so much of their music so can we stop having moody teens listening to them in movies? Has Hollywood not gotten the memo that Morrissey is a bit of a twat now anyway? You know whose music doesn’t get annoying?? The Cure. The Cure are far superior and not so cliché so, hey Hollywood, how about having your moody teens be fans of The Cure instead? From someone who lived through that decade, this is actually more realistic.

As for the other 80’s clichés in this film, I guess it’s not as bad as I was thinking as I was so distracted by the music thing. Hailee Steinfeld really didn’t look at all like an 80’s teen despite them giving her some silly bangs (a fringe to you UK readers). I suppose they didn’t want her to look ridiculous. But the “mean girl bitch” looked so Eighties it hurt. No one really looked like her back then, either – normal teens were somewhere between these two girls. Maybe I should talk about the actual movie??

Bumblebee is a good character. I totally want him as a friend but I think I just prefer robots to humans as I also want to hang out with WALL-E & R2-D2. So I really enjoyed this friendship and, yes, it’s a feelgood family movie. We need more of those! There’s also plenty of action, which should keep Transformers fans happy (I assume). There’s actually more action than I expected from the trailers, which made it look like simply a warm & fuzzy friendship movie. There’s a full-out war on their home planet or whatever, though. There’s also a cute almost-romance with a neighbor boy (who doesn’t at all look like he’s living in the 80s). Meh. I don’t know. I have a terrible cold at the moment! God I hate winter. This movie was fine. It’s a popcorn movie. I’d probably enjoy it more in the summertime… I’m just super grumpy at this time of year.

My Rating: 7/10

I’m going to finally review Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse later today, which is a contender for my favorite film of 2018 (even though I saw it in cold weather). I never expected that!

Blockers (2018)

Directed by Kay Cannon

Starring: Leslie Mann, Ike Barinholtz, John Cena, Kathryn Newton, Geraldine Viswanathan, Gideon Adlon, Gary Cole, Gina Gershon

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Three parents try to stop their daughters from having sex on prom night.

My Opinion:

Look! I went to a silly sex comedy! Not normally my choice of movie to go to in the cinema (Comedies are usually a “wait for Netflix” thing for me), but I had a day of freedom and chose to go to whatever movies I could manage. This immediately followed Love, Simon (my review for that is HERE).

Blockers was fine. I got a few good laughs out of it but I’ll probably forget most of it in a few years. It’s quite similar to the Seth Rogen/Judd Apatow type of comedies so you should like this one if you like those. But this one was directed by a woman (Kay Cannon). Yay! See? We can make dumb sex comedies just as well as the dudes! And it IS a dumb sex comedy. It’s had some decent reviews, making me think it might slightly transcend the usual predictable & stereotypical sex comedies. Not really. It’s the same sort of thing and the central female teen characters aren’t any different from the male teens in other sex comedies. But I suppose that’s progress somewhat? And the storyline isn’t quite as predictable as it could’ve been. There are three girls who make a pact to lose their virginity on prom night and the end result for each of their stories isn’t necessarily what you’ll guess.

I can’t fault any of the performances. Leslie Mann was probably the best, so if you hate her you may not love this. What’s sad is that I’m really showing my age as she’s the one I could most relate to. John Cena was quite funny. He’s another wrestler, right?? Funny how those wrestlers do comedy pretty well (I guess it’s not much different than their main job). The other guy was a bit annoying (Ike Barinholtz – I don’t really know him). The three girls were all likable enough. And did we see Gary Cole’s actual penis?! I’ll have to tell my mom – she loved him in Midnight Caller. There’s a puke scene reminiscent of Stand By Me (but of course not as good as that) and I’m still grossed out by ass beer.

As far as dumb sex comedies go, Blockers was okay. Not the best but not the worst. It’s not as straightforward as “Don’t let our daughters have sex but it’s okay if our sons do!” as everyone seems to be thinking since everyone loves to immediately freak out these days without getting all the facts. I hate people. American Pie is certainly better and I probably slightly preferred the Bad Neighbors movies when it comes to current dumb comedies but Blockers was all it needed to be. I think it could’ve done with being raunchier, to be honest. It felt like they were holding back a little (probably because everyone is an uptight asshole nowadays). As a female, I found nothing offensive unlike in some of the sex comedies from my day. I’d still like to see a truly great modern sex comedy, though. But I did appreciate that this one had some heart with its daughter/parent relationships, making it a little more likable than some.

My Rating: 6/10