Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986) Review

Class Of Nuke ‘Em High (1986)

Directed by Richard W. Haines, Michael Herz, Lloyd Kaufman (as Samuel Weil)

Starring: Janelle Brady, Gil Brenton, Robert Prichard, Pat Ryan

Distributed by Troma Entertainment

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
The pupils at a high school next to a nuclear power plant start acting and looking strange after buying contaminated drugs from a plant worker.

My Opinion:

You know that I’ve watched an absolute load of shit in preparation for my blog’s month of horror when a goddamn Troma movie isn’t the worst one that I saw. Honestly, it’s probably somewhere in the middle. And it’s utter shit! Of course it is! But it pisses toxic green liquid all over The Victim and Repo! The Genetic Opera. I also preferred it to The Quiet Ones, possibly to Let’s Scare Jessica To Death, and maybe even to Mama. (These were all so bad that I did mini-reviews for most of them together in one post HERE and a longer review for Mama HERE, in which I now think I was a little too harsh). Troma movies are meant to be bad, though. Right?! I don’t think that the others I mentioned were meant to be bad. Therefore, they’re actually worse whereas I can be more forgiving of a Troma film. I guess.


I kept wanting to stick a roll of toilet paper on that guy’s nose ring.

I’m not going to pretend that I like Troma films. They’re godawful and a chore to watch. They’re bad to the point of being unwatchable as opposed to “so bad they’re fun”. I’ve done this as part of my horror comedy week since I think all their films are meant to be a part of this genre even though they’re completely unfunny and not at all scary. Right? Having said that, however, I’m now going to totally confuse everyone and say that I think every movie blogger should watch at least one of them before they can truly call themselves movie bloggers. It should be, like, a rite of passage or something.

My Troma experience is limited. Back in college, I saw the first three Toxic Avenger movies when they were on TV three nights in a row and I developed a sort of a fascination with them. If you’re going to watch only one of these, I’d suggest The Toxic Avenger as it’s somewhat watchable. At least, to a 20-year-old it was… I’m sure I’d struggle making it through those three films again. (Dan at Slip/Through has done a really good review of The Toxic Avenger HERE that you should give a read if you’re interested – he’s more likely to talk you into watching it than I am!).

I also attempted to watch Tromeo & Juliet once just to see the penis monster thing but ended up just watching the whole movie on fast-forward. Seriously. Here you go – you can skip that movie now. You’re welcome:

That’s it – those are the only Tromas I’ve seen (unless you count Studio Ghibli’s masterpiece My Neighbor Totoro which, believe it or not, a sub-division of Troma Films first distributed to the West with their own dubbed version. so… thank you for that, Troma!!!). The only other one I ever had any interest in seeing was Class Of Nuke ‘Em High as I always thought it sounded like it at least had a decent idea for a story. Guess I’m just a fan of the toxic chemicals thing. So, I’ve finally watched it! I’m done now! I’ve had my fill! I’m done watching these!


Summary:

Did I even talk about Class Of Nuke ‘Em High?! I guess not. You know what? It honestly doesn’t matter. The idea of a Troma film is far better than the actual experience of watching one anyway. The posters & the images almost make Troma films look like they’d be entertaining. This one has a pretty good title, at least, and actually has a fairly fun poster: “Readin’, Writin’, and Radiation!” Ha! So stupid! But still better than anything in the movie. However, even though I’ve not seen many, I’d venture to guess that Class Of Nuke ‘Em High is one of the “better” offerings from this studio. I didn’t hate it – it was exactly as shit as I expected it to be. If that makes sense. It wasn’t fun to watch but I didn’t get mad at it wasting my time as I knew what I was getting into when I hit the Play button. It’s almost as “somewhat watchable” as The Toxic Avenger, which is the closest I can get to giving it a compliment. I guess. So my rating is more on a “Troma scale of 1 to 10” (just to confuse Brian since he always complains about my confusing ratings). I suppose I can call this my “second favorite Troma film” but do yourself a favor & just watch The Toxic Avenger instead of this one. It’s everyone’s duty as a serious movie blogger.

My Rating: 5/10

(Actually, that rating still makes no sense as this is probably 8/10 on an actual “Troma scale”. Aw, fuck it- who cares? it’s shit!)

My Top Ten Body Horror Movies

***WARNING: NASTY IMAGES***

This list wasn’t easy to create as it was hard deciding what movies I consider to be part of the “body horror” subgenre. While researching this to get an idea of what movies most often tend to be considered body horror, I also managed to see enough gory images to last me a lifetime. Yikes. Guess my love of the David-Cronenberg-style of body horror is pretty tame & mainstream stuff!

First of all, I’ll give you Wikipedia’s definition:

Body horror is horror fiction in which the horror is principally derived from the graphic destruction or degeneration of the body. Such works may deal with decay, disease, parasitism, mutation, or mutilation. Other types of body horror include unnatural movements, or the anatomically incorrect placement of limbs to create “monsters” from human body parts. David Cronenberg, Frank Henenlotter, Brian Yuzna, Stuart Gordon, Lloyd Kaufman, and Clive Barker are notable directors of this genre.

I totally agree with the directors listed by Wikipedia – their films are the exact ones I’ve always had in mind when I’ve heard the term “Body Horror”.

Here’s a boring, rambling bit that no one has to read: It’s become a little joke with my hubby that my top ten lists often come with rules that exclude the Alien series of films (for the record, I think the first two films are pretty much the greatest things ever created & they’d top every list if I always included them). Such as, I don’t count them as “horror” so always say they don’t count in any “horror” lists that I do. Well, I’m once again not including Alien/Aliens as, while what happens to the body falls into the “body horror” definition, the body horror aspect is not the main focus of those films. The one other questionable one is John Carpenter’s The Thing and I went back & forth on whether to include it. The body horror is focused on much more than in the Alien films but it’s once again not the main focus. Plus, it seems too good to be included with the likes of the other movies on my list. Well, I’ve included it mainly so people don’t yell at me but it means it’s my number one by far. 😉

What I’ve Not Seen:

I’ll also point out that I’ve of course only seen a handful of “Body Horror” movies so, if I’ve not seen them, they won’t be on the list. I had wanted to do a body horror week but just haven’t had the time to get anything watched for it other than Cronenberg’s Shivers & Rabid. Maybe next October – I can always update this list! Most films in this genre are really too gross for me (I like my gore old & quite fake-looking) but the two I had really hoped to see before making this list were Altered States & Tetsuo: The Iron Man. So don’t ask why they (and the Alien films) are not on the list!!!!! (Someone will as no one reads these damn intros). 😉

**Edit to say I’ve now seen Altered States as of September 2017. My review is HERE. It doesn’t quite make my top ten (it’s not actually “body horror” enough). And I’ve now seen Tetsuo: The Iron Man, which also doesn’t make this list. Review HERE.

Enough blathering! Here are MY Top Ten Body Horror Movies counting down to my favorite:

10. TIE: From Beyond & Re-Animator

9. Basket Case

8. TIE: The Brood & Scanners

7. Night Of The Creeps

6. Videodrome

5. eXistenZ

4. Society

3. Slither

2. The Fly (1986)

1. The Thing (1982)

Honorable Mentions:
The Evil Dead
Shivers
Rabid
Teeth
The Toxic Avenger
Splice
Altered States
Tetsuo: The Iron Man

I’ve Not Seen:
Tusk