Tank Girl, Bronies & Class Of 1999 Movie Reviews

Here are three quickies for three shitty movies. I wasted enough time watching them so I don’t want to spend much time writing about them. Here we go!

Tank Girl (1995)

Directed by Rachel Talalay

Based on Tank Girl comic by Alan Martin & Jamie Hewlett

Starring: Lori Petty, Ice-T, Naomi Watts, Malcolm McDowell, Iggy Pop, Scott Coffey, James Hong, Don Harvey, Jeff Kober, Reg E Cathey

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Tank Girl is set in a drought-ravaged Australia, years after a catastrophic impact event. It follows the antihero Tank Girl (Petty) as she, Jet Girl (Watts), and genetically modified supersoldiers called the Rippers fight “Water & Power”, an oppressive corporation led by Kesslee (McDowell).

My Opinion:

I recently read a collection of early Tank Girl comics (which I reviewed yesterday HERE) so figured I better finally watch the movie adaptation afterwards despite it being pretty widely trashed. While reading Tank Girl, I kept thinking “how could this actually work as a movie?”. The answer, of course, is that this movie doesn’t work. What a mess…

I’ll start with some positives: I didn’t mind Lori Petty as Tank Girl and thought she had the right look & attitude. I’ll try to ignore the fact that she’s not at all Australian! I didn’t love her as Tank Girl (I’m sure someone else might have been better although I’m not sure who) but I didn’t hate her. She seemed to have fun with the role, anyway. Tank Girl is an awesome character and I think that does come through in the movie even though they don’t quite capture her spirit. And, um… Another positive?? Let’s see… The soundtrack is pretty good! Although I would’ve liked much more punk plus they should’ve tried to use bands mentioned in the comic (but a “score by Ennio Morricone” actually wouldn’t have worked even if the comic liked to credit him with its score). 😉

In the comic, there wasn’t much of a storyline. Tank Girl was daft (and usually drunk) and the whole thing was crazy & all over the place. I liked that. I’ve only read the earliest of the Tank Girl comics so don’t know how many I missed or if there’s actually a similar story to the one in the movie at some point but I didn’t think it worked. The story & the script sucked. Malcolm McDowell was a pretty crap villain and… Naomi Watts was in this?! I didn’t know that beforehand – she must be embarrassed now.

I wondered how they’d deal with Tank Girl’s boyfriend being a kangaroo and, although the movie doesn’t really manage to pull it off, I’m not sure how you ever could portray that in a film without it looking cheesy as hell. I like this bit of trivia at IMDB:

“MGM insisted on cutting a scene of Tank Girl and her kangaroo boyfriend Booga reclining after sex, despite spending $5,000 on a prosthetic penis for Booga.”

I don’t know what else to say about this movie. It just didn’t work but, to be fair, I think it’s a very hard comic to adapt. I do wonder if it would work nowadays with the right director since comic book movies have gotten a lot better and “darker”. I’d like to see a violent, R-rated version. Like Dredd but with a sense of humor? I don’t know – it still probably wouldn’t work but I did read that this movie was very heavily cut & that the director, Rachel Talalay, had no control over that so I suppose that didn’t help. I’m giving it a higher rating than I think it deserves because I really like the character of Tank Girl and, at the very least, I don’t think the movie tainted the character. But I’d like to see that fake kangaroo penis.

My Rating: 5/10

Class Of 1999 (1989)

Directed by Mark L Lester

Starring: Bradley Gregg, Traci Lind, Malcolm McDowell, Stacy Keach, Patrick Kilpatrick, Pam Grier, John P Ryan, Darren E Burrows, Joshua John Miller, Sean Sullivan

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
Robot teachers have been secretly placed in the schools where the students have run riot. The teachers do a good job of controlling the unruly youngsters, until they go too far and some students get suspicious.

My Opinion:

On paper (or on a screen since that’s how we read everything now), this movie sounds awesome. To me, at least. The synopsis (killer robot teachers in a high school!), the cool poster & the fact that it’s from the 1980s had me all excited to watch this movie that I’d somehow never even heard of. Well, damn – it’s not good. What a disappointment! I was hoping it would at least be a low budget sci-fi cult classic type of thing like Hardware or something (yes! I got yet another Hardware mention into a post!). I didn’t hate it but it’s not very good despite having so much potential to be something I’d like.


One thing I always love about watching movies from this time period is seeing familiar faces from my favorite era and Class Of 1999 has lots of these. Look – a Tank Girl connection with Malcolm McDowell! He plays the school’s principal in this – I think Hollywood had him on speed dial for these types of movies back then. The movie’s hero (Bradley Gregg – a teenage delinquent who’s actually a “good guy”) is in two of my favorite movies: he’s Eyeball Chambers in Stand By Me and also the character whose death topped My Top Ten Nightmare On Elm Street Deaths in Dream Warriors!!!

The robot teachers are played by Patrick Kilpatrick, John P Ryan & Pam Grier (with dodgy-looking fake robot boobs). Stacy Keach is the main baddie in charge of the robots and for some reason seductively eats a banana? I immediately recognized Sean Sullivan as the drunk one who Garth doesn’t want spewing in the Mirth Mobile in Wayne’s World. Finally, Bradley Gregg’s sweet little delinquent brother is played by Joshua John Miller(!), who (whom?) I know very well from lots of 80’s movies & TV shows including my favorite episode of Highway To Heaven. Haha! Highway To Heaven!! I was such a nerd. I just looked him up & he co-wrote the screenplay for The Final Girls. What?! I should really try to watch that…


To be honest, I’m not sure what actually made this movie so bad. Yes, the acting is pretty rubbish and the special effects look dodgy and the script isn’t the greatest but I still can’t help but look at these images and the overall plot & cast and think that this is exactly my type of movie. I think it didn’t help that, when it started and we saw the exaggerated “futuristic 1999 punk kids”, it reminded me of the teenagers in Class Of Nuke ‘Em High. I’m pretty damn sure that no movie ever wants to make you immediately think of a Troma film.


Also, I watched this and the Bronies documentary very late one night as they were both about to disappear from Netflix. I kept falling asleep through both of them so I may have not fully given this movie a chance. Okay – I think I’m now trying to talk myself into liking Class Of 1999 for some reason?? It’s an okay film but extremely dated and would only possibly be appreciated by someone my age who likes this sort of thing. I’m glad I watched it but I’m not too bothered that it has disappeared from Netflix. I’m sure I’d have appreciated it more if I’d seen it when I was 15 or so. Has anyone seen the director’s previous film, Class Of 1984, which sounds like the exact same movie minus the robots? It has a higher IMDB rating. Hmm… I’ll watch that too if it shows up on Netflix!

My Rating: 5.5/10

Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony (2012)

Directed by Laurent Malaquais

Produced by Anglie Brown, Morgan Peterson, Michael Brockhoff, Tara Strong, Lauren Faust & John de Lancie

Starring: A bunch of bronies!

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of My Little Pony (formerly titled BronyCon: The Documentary) is a 2012 documentary film centering on bronies, the adult fans of the 2010 animated television series, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.

My Opinion:

I said I didn’t want to waste much time talking about these movies but I did blather on a bit in my other two reviews. Well, this one will truly be short as there’s not much to say. I find the “Bronies” thing sort of fascinating as I still don’t understand why a bunch of grown men have supposedly latched onto My Little Pony but this documentary doesn’t really explore the “why” at all. It’s just not a very good or in-depth documentary and was quite boring considering its odd topic.

I actually don’t remember if the above guy was in the documentary but this is one of many photos that come up if you Google “Bronies” (I don’t think the guys I used in the photo at the very top were in it). You’d think I’d remember if he was but I can barely remember a thing about this now. That’s the problem – the documentary failed to make a bizarre topic at all interesting. I do, however, remember the below guy as I kept thinking he looked like Corey Feldman.

I’d say that you’d probably only want to watch this documentary if you’re a fan of My Little Pony. I actually found the bits with the voice actors (Tara Strong and, oh my god – Q from Star Trek: The Next Generation, John de Lancie!) & the creator of the Friendship Is Magic series (Lauren Faust) more interesting than the interviews with the fans of the show.

Not surprisingly, one of the Bronies talked a little bit of the bullying he’d had to endure thanks to being a fan of the show (if I remember correctly, he had a gun pulled on him? God bless America!). That kind of thing always pisses me off because, although it may seem strange to a lot of us, these guys aren’t exactly hurting anyone by liking My Little Pony. I guess it was a little disappointing that the psychological aspect of what exactly it is about this show that has apparently drawn some grown men to it wasn’t explored but, hey, this was someone’s project and they did a decent enough job gathering together fans & those involved with the show. I’m sure it didn’t have a huge budget… I’d be interested to know what My Little Pony fans thought of it but I must admit that I don’t personally know any adult fans (although I did love old school My Little Pony as a young girl!).


This is the one I had!!!

My Rating: 5/10

I figured I should end this post with something from the Tank Girl soundtrack, which had potential but could’ve been much better overall. This is one of my two favorites from the soundtrack (I’ll post the other for Music Video Friday this week): Richard Hell And The Voidoids – Blank Generation:

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A Clockwork Orange (1971) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

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Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from Troy of The Review Club. Thanks for the review, Troy! 🙂 Now let’s see what he has to say about A Clockwork Orange, IMDB rank 61 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE.

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‘A CLOCKWORK ORANGE’ (1971)

A magnificently disturbing film of sex and violence and the way society views this behaviour. Seen and told through the eyes of the ‘droog’ leader Alex we find ourselves taken from dystopian shots of a futuristic city to a prison and back again. The main character of this nasty, twisted individual is a really interesting one as you do feel a sense of likeness towards him, you can’t help but like his charm and his confidence and the fact he narrates the story is a creative choice that puts you on side with him from the outset as he is telling the story for us.

Stanley Kubrick’s seemingly effortless gliding tracking shots can be found numerous times pulling into and back from characters and locations and it fits with the uneasy dread of something about to happen, it also ties in nicely with the music used throughout the film. The entire film is shot with care and it does look amazing, even messy tower block lobbies and a distant wood with a pig trough are made to look crafted to an inch of their lives. The place has an air of a London vibe but with an odd unsettling futuristic centre, even if this future does look like a more updated vision of the 1970′s, with the colours and the fashion.

The music is one of the strongest points and it has to be concerning the fact that Alex is a fan of music and Ludvig Van in particular. Beethoven’s 9th becomes a symbolic tool later on and the power of it really and disturbingly makes you feel sorry for Alex. Having classical music played over nearly constantly provided a delicate yet assuring punch of authority over everything. It fitted with the assurance of Alex and also gave a case of opposites in seeing violence on screen but hearing something normally associated as pleasant. A brilliant soundtrack of classic material. The use of electronic sounds and synthesisers fits with the future we are presented with and also lets the viewer feel another layer of unease as we hear the sounds – which would have been even more out of this world when the film was first released.

Malcolm McDowell who plays the young whippersnapper who likes the old in-out is utterly compelling and deliciously bad, mad and engaging. He takes you on a journey and you hate him, like him, feel for him. A sort of roller coaster ride as we get taken through the bigger theme of government control and what is right and wrong in terms of treatment for a sick individual. I’d commend McDowell’s performance for the conditioning section of the movie alone. The eyes being clasped open is enough to make me feel queasy and he went through with that and being humiliated on stage where he broke a couple of ribs. That’s commitment to a role or probably Kubrick’s domineering directing getting the best out of his actors. Also the moment where he spontaneously sings Singin’ in the Rain is brilliant and downright awfully evil. McDowell carries the film and also gives a voice over that isn’t unnecessary, its another way to hear the amazingly created language of this story. It all sounds other worldly yet overly British and that’s the main disturbing factor for me that Alex sounds and looks so calm, collected and intelligent, a fearful powerful character that starts off having no limits.

Aside from the middle section being a little of a lull to the film this is a feat of cinematic wonder, sure it’s dark and explicit but it needs to be to provide shock and to make the meddling government theme have any legs to stand on. A twisted orchestra filled movie with the concerning idea of state versus individual fully demonstrated through the eyes of Alex Delarge. A film of importance, vidi it now young chelloveck.

8.5/10

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Just Visiting (2001) Guest Review

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This review for the John Hughes Blogathon comes from Josh of JJames Reviews. This is his second review after Mr Mom. Thanks for the reviews, Josh! Now let’s see what he thought of Just Visiting. 🙂

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Just Visiting (2001)

Directed By: Jean-Marie Poire

Written By: John Hughes, Jean Marie Poire and Christian Clavier

Remake of Les Visiteurs (1993)

Starring

Jean Reno
Christina Applegate
Christian Clavier
Matthew Ross
Tara Reid
Bridgitte Wilson
Malcolm McDowell

Running Time: 87 minutes

Plot Synopsis

In the middle ages, a wealthy nobleman, Count Thibault (Jean Reno), is poised to marry the princess Rosalind (Christina Applegate) and live his days happily, but witchcraft forces him to kill Rosalind before their nuptials. In an effort to undo the sorcery and revive his beloved, Thibault and his peasant servant, Andre (Christian Clavier), enlist the help of an aged Wizard (Malcolm McDowell). But the Wizard’s spell goes horribly wrong, and Thibault and Andre find themselves transported to the twenty-first century.

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My Opinion

First, I would like to thank Table 9 Mutant for allowing me to participate in her John Hughes’ Blogathon. Second I woud like to ask her . . . how did you let me pick such a terrible movie? Just . . . Just . . . How? ​

What, precisely, is wrong with this film? The better question: what isn’t wrong with it?

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Let’s get more specific. Time travel is a tricky subject in fiction; it needs to make enough internal sense as to not bog down the project with confused questions. Equally problematically, it needs be simplex enough as to avoid inevitable contradictions once it is defined too much. By keeping time traveling mostly unexplained, Just Visiting manages one-half of this tricky formula, but it stumbles on the other half. As just one example, Thibault has a modern day descendent, despite the fact that he murdered his fiancée and was thereby sentenced to death, all before he conceived a child. How is such a thing possible? How did the man produce children? Just Visiting never bothers to explain.

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Of course, time travel is a minor issue in comparison to the film’s failed attempts at humor. The best comedians understand that jokes generate laughter once, maybe twice, before growing stale, but such simple concepts escape Writer/Director Jean-Marie Poire and Co-Writers John Hughes and Christian Clavier. Thibault’s mistreatment of Andre is repeatedly played for laughs, which might have been fine, if the Count had occasionally varied his style of abuse, or even his insults. Ditto that for Thibault’s and Andre’s misunderstanding of modern conveniences (toilets, bathtubs, cars, etc). Because the jokes are never more than recycled versions of themselves, Just Visiting’s humor quickly grows tiresome, making this comedy decidedly not funny.

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Given that this film’s humor fails, its attempts at drama better save it. They don’t. Partially because all of the characters, most especially Amber (pictured above), are archetypes with little to no depth. We do not care about these individuals, because they do not have personalities. Instead, they have one or two traits each. For that reason alone, when Julia and Andre stand up for themselves and eventually receive their rewards, we are not moved, a fact that mightn’t be problematic if Just Visiting were actually funny (see above).

John Hughes’ screenplay, in other words, is bad. In fact, between terribly developed characters, repetitive humor and senseless plot devices, it is an utter disaster.

So are most of the performances. Jean Reno never strikes the proper balance between slapstick comedian and straight man, and Christian Clavier’s comic turn is too over the top. Bridgette Wilson fails to do anything memorable with the terrible character she’s given, and Matthew Ross is wooden as the movie’s primary antagonist.

Only Christina Applegate and Malcolm McDowell rise above the material. When playing Julia, Applegate is good enough to almost make us forget that her character is no better developed than anyone else’s. McDowell, too, makes the most of limited screen time, if only because he is suitably exaggerated.

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Conclusion

John Hughes does not redeem himself with Just Visiting. Like most people involved in making this movie, he ought to have been ashamed.

My Rating: 1/10