Mama (2013) Review

Mama (2013)

Directed by Andrés Muschietti

Starring: Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier, Isabelle Nélisse, Daniel Kash, Javier Botet, Jane Moffat

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film deals with the story of two young girls abandoned in a forest cabin, fostered by an unknown entity that they fondly call “Mama”, which eventually follows them to their new suburban home after their uncle retrieves them.

My Opinion:

Here we are with my first horror movie review for the month of October! You know I’ve clearly watched a load of shit this year if I’m starting with stupid Mama. Well, no one visits this blog on a Friday so let’s get this crappy movie out of the way first, shall we? 🙂

Why do 99.98% of modern horror movies suck? And why do I continue to watch them? I suppose I still live in the hope that one will at least be entertaining even if they’re not exactly “good”. Okay, there are two fairly recent ones that I actually loved: The Babadook & It Follows. But that almost makes things worse! Now I’ll have high expectations! But you know they’ll go back to pumping out nothing but shit like Mama & Insidious 8.

I suppose I have only myself to blame as plenty of bloggers trashed Mama before I saw it. Although, reading about this movie online, it got praised somewhat by critics. What?? Maybe us bloggers are becoming too picky or something. Anyway, I love a good supernatural story. And feral children… Feral children (and Satanic children, too) are the BEST! That’s why I love stuff like The Brood & The Omen. Well, the two girls in Mama are the sweetest feral children ever – I probably felt too protective of them since they were totally cute & weren’t psychotic little nutjobs. I also liked, being a mother & all that, the thought of an “entity” protecting the girls. But, dammit, did we have to see “Mama” SO DAMN MUCH?! Why do so many modern horror films do this? I’m far more scared by the things we don’t see or the things we only glimpse. How am I supposed to be scared of this?

What the hell is that shit? Is that seriously what scares audiences nowadays? You know, I suppose the actual story in Mama wasn’t all that bad. It’s a shame they felt the need to show her so much – I’d probably give this a halfway decent rating if it wasn’t for that. And, I was too lazy to look into it but is this one of those cases where a famous star made a crappy movie that didn’t get a full release but then, once they were famous, it did? If not, then what the hell was Jessica Chastain doing in this? I actually find her pretty seriously overrated but she can clearly get better work than this now (other than InterstellarMama is probably a better horror film than Insterstellar is a sci-fi film. no, seriously – I have far higher standards for sci-fi than for horror). At least we had hunky Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to look at in Mama… As TWINS!

I actually forgot he was twins in this until Laura reminded me in our review chat for Headhunters (HERE), which is pretty pathetic as I only watched this a couple of months ago. I have such an excellent memory for great or really horrible movies & such a shitty memory for bland crap like this. Yeah, I prefer a truly horrible movie to something like this one as at least horrible movies are fun to take the piss out of & bitch about with you guys. Mama was just “So what?”. And I don’t want to get into spoiler territory too much in case anyone still wants to watch this but I hated the ending & I hated that there wasn’t “more” to the entity. There’s a story here that actually could have made for a more complex supernatural “villain” but that doesn’t really happen – it’s just good vs evil. Apparently this was a short film first? Well, I wonder what that’s like because the simple story seems like it would be better as a short film.


(Btw, Jessica Chastain is soooo not believable as some “rock chick” in this)

You know what? Screw all this. My hubby told me the other day that my reviews are no fun lately (he may have used the word “suck”) because it’s obvious that I can’t be bothered. Ha! Nice! I don’t care what he says – he went to see The Martian without me yesterday. How rude!

Anyway, I’ve never once claimed to be some kind of writer but he’s right that I can’t be bothered lately due to being too busy but, also, because I’ve watched too much stuff like Mama over the past few months. I seriously need to see a movie that gets me all excited about putting a post together again instead of it feeling like a chore (something like, hmm… The Martian hopefully?!). Mama was a chore. It was a chore to watch & a chore to think of anything to say about it for a post.

Summary:

I know this review was really negative but I’ve definitely seen worse horror movies than Mama. The problem is just that I’ve seen this same sort of mediocre “supernatural horror” movie over & over again. Here’s the plot: There’s an evil entity, no one believes it’s real, someone does some investigating & discovers the entity’s tragic history, evil entity must then be defeated using the knowledge gained during that investigating that I mentioned. How original – I’ve never seen that story before!

I’ll end on a positive: Mama is an okay “stuck on the couch while off work because you’re sick” movie. That’s how I saw it (along with three others in the same day). Don’t make a big thing of it if you watch it. Like, don’t make it your big date night movie or something – you’ll be pretty disappointed. It’s at least a good movie to watch while throwing up in a bucket!

My Rating: 4.5/10

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Headhunters (2011) Review Chat With Laura Of Filmnerdblog

I watched Norwegian film Headhunters on Filmnerdblog Laura’s recommendation & we decided to have a little chat about it. You can read our chat below (we did try to avoid any major plot spoilers).

Thanks for doing this with me Laura – it was lots of fun! And it was a great recommendation, too. 🙂

Headhunters (2011)

Directed by Morten Tyldum

Based on Hodejegerne by Jo Nesbø

Starring: Aksel Hennie, Synnøve Macody Lund, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Eivind Sander, Julie Ølgaard

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A successful but insecure corporate recruiter lives a double life as an art thief to fund his lavish lifestyle. He finds out that one of his job prospects is in possession of a valuable painting and sets out to steal it.

Our Chat: (I’m “M”, Laura is “L”… Obviously!)

M: Hi! 🙂

L: Mutant!

M: I have Headhunters on in the background to refresh my memory but forgot that I can’t understand a damn word so it’s kind of pointless to have it on while typing… Lol

L: Ha! When did you watch it? I watched it on Tuesday, but had seen it before.

M: I watched it about a month ago. I remember it well anyway. I really liked it!

L: It’s good isn’t it? I wanted to see it because it’s based on a Jo Nesbo book and I’ve read most of the Harry Hole books, which I really liked. Plus… ding dong!

M: Hello Jaime Lannister! When did he get so hot?! I can’t believe I never noticed how hot he was on Game Of Thrones. The sister screwing distracted me!

L: And the sister raping was the final nail in that coffin for me, but in a suit? And with that moody look on his face? Simply, yes.

M: Hell yes! And he was also super hot in Mama, which almost made that movie not suck. Almost…

L: Oh yeah, I forgot he was in that. And as twins, too!

M: But I do love how the other guy in Headhunters is like the Norwegian Steve Buscemi!

L: You’re so right! He was really good, but I did find his peculiar face a bit distracting. It was just right for the character, though.

M: Oh, right – I forgot Jaime Lannister dude was twins in Mama! I’ve tried to put that shitty movie out of my mind. Hmm – two of him… We could share! I think maybe I liked this movie so much partly because of the main guy’s weird face. I have a weird sort of crush on Buscemi.

M: I also love Norwegians, so that helps. But Troll Hunter is still my favorite!

L: Wow, that IS a weird crush! Mama was SO SHIT everyone should probably put it out of their minds. I liked Troll Hunter too. Rare Exports was good as well. Was that Norwegian? Or Danish? I don’t remember. But anyway, Headhunters

M: I don’t know that one – I’ll have to IMDB that later! Oh – I like those earrings Buscemi guy buys his way-too-sexy-for-him wife. I have similar from my Norwegian ancestors. The concave mirror bits apparently “ward off evil spirits”.

M: Can’t find the exact earrings from the movie. Plus I don’t think mine are anywhere near as expensive as hers!!

L: Ah, pretty…

L: She reminded me of Heidi Klum. She was way out of his league. Not so much because he looks like he fell out of the ugly tree but because he was such a monumental douche.

M: Ha! Oh – Gollum is so cute in that picture. Actually, he looks kind of like the dude in this movie (Aksel Hennie – I suppose I should stop calling him Norwegian Steve Buscemi).

M: Yeah – I think she’s even prettier than Klum. Definitely out of his league, especially when he’s being such a douche at first!

M: Boob-grabbing douche!

L: I was really annoyed at how he gives her absolutely no credit throughout the entire film. He’s so insecure.

L: I mean, he thinks she’s a gold-digger, right?

M: I know! If he thought that, why did he marry her? Because she’s pretty, of course! Plus, what a DICK he was to be banging away at that other woman while he has such a lovely wife at home who treats him so well! (not really a spoiler as he’s shown cheating at the very start)

M: Shirtless Jaime Lannister on right now!!! (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is his real name. I was too lazy to type that out during the chat) 😉

L: The character was called Roger(!) so we could call him Roger?

M: Sounds good! Oh, main guy was Roger. Lannister was Clas. Thank you, IMDB!

L: I only watched it 2 days ago and had already forgotten.

L: Anyway, Roger was an arse. His wife was gorgeous, loving, and kind. And he thought the worst of her, and treated her so badly.

M: Asswipe! I could say he maybe changes his ways at the end. Is that a spoiler? I won’t get into any major plot spoilers I suppose as one thing I really liked about this movie is that it actually keeps you guessing. For once I didn’t have it all figured out from the start! I loved that. It was twisty & turny and I thought the climactic moment toward the end was quite brilliant. The “plan”…

L: Yeah he did get a grip by the end but, look what it took to get there?! None of that is acceptable behaviour in a relationship, and he didn’t deserve her loyalty. I feel very strongly about this!

M: Hehe. I noticed! You can tell we’re women. 😉

M: I wish Roger had been more likeable but another thing I did like about this movie was that it wasn’t exactly the movie I was expecting. It starts out this high class “art heisting” movie, which is cool. But then it REALLY goes to shit for Roger (literally).

M: I liked how there was a sort of a dark humor to the whole thing.

L: Yeah, it was really clever, and good at subverting your expectations because, as you say, it isn’t a straight art heist movie. Is that a spoiler?! I really liked that it kept switching on me, when I thought it was one thing and then it was something else.

L: Urgh! Imagine the smell!!!

M: Lol. I know!!! That outhouse scene was nasty. I almost couldn’t watch it. But it was kind of awesome as well. Yuck! Disgust indeed. 😉

L: This looks good – Max Manus: Man Of War

L: Sorry, I digress…

M: Oh look – Norwegian Buscemi again. That does look kind of good! I really should explore more foreign films instead of just the famous ones I hear about…

M: Ha! I’m a terrible digresser. Always digressing!

L: I love foreign films but it’s hard to fit them in because it means I can’t simultaneously prat around on the internet.

M: Hahaha! EXACTLY! I love to second-screen (except in an actual cinema, of course. That would be super rude). But at home I’m almost always writing a review while watching a movie. Or tweeting!

M: No wonder I have such a terrible memory when it comes to movies I watch lately…

L: Yep, it’s hard not to. I’m currently watching Trollied.

M: Oh! It’s the outhouse scene right now! EW.

L: Yuk!

M: What the hell is that? I’ll look it up on my iPad. I’m actually three-screening right now. 😉

L: You’re taking it to another level, now.

M: Ohh – English TV show?

L: Yeah, it’s quite cute.

M: I’m one bad, multi-tasking fucker! Hmm – I really should try watching English TV shows since I’ve been here over a decade now. Lol

L: Definitely.

M: I did like Never Mind The Buzzcocks when it was good. Are we digressing again???

L: We’re digressing again, should we wrap up this Headhunters business so I can go and look up more pics of Jaime Lannister…?

M: You’ve already been doing that this whole time, haven’t you? I know I have a bit. 😉 Right! Let’s wrap up this Headhunters conversation. Um… I recommend it! It’s good! You get to see the Norwegian Steve Buscemi covered in shit! And Jaime Lannister looking super hot! I give it 7.5/10

M: And I’ll possibly read some Jo Nesbo now. 🙂

L: I concur. Part of me wishes that Roger was a likeable protagonist I could cheer for, but I do like that it wasn’t a run of the mill, paint by numbers, lovable rogue heist movie. Maybe I’ll cheer for the wife. Yay, Diana!

M: Hooray for Diana! I liked that she was not only sexy but also smart. Poop on Roger! Cheating bastard.

L: Screw Roger!

L: I recommend it too. Smart, original and intriguing. Jaime Lannister is a hottie, obvs and I really like the main female character, Diana. Norwegian Steve was good, too. 7/10

L: Also, knitwear

jaime knit