There Will Be Blood (2007) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

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Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from Eric of The IPC. He’s already done reviews for Se7en (HERE) and for Twelve Monkeys (HERE). Thanks so much for being a part of this, Eric! 🙂 Now let’s see what he has to say about There Will Be Blood, IMDB rank 173 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE.

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***WARNING: SPOILERS***

THERE WILL BE BLOOD….

I received this stinking piece of shit in the mail the other week, wondering why the fuck I ordered this from Netflix. Surely I was beered up and thinking I could give it a good rogering on my site since I saw it back whenever it came out on DVD and I hated it. “I drink your milkshake” my fucking ass, pretentious cocksuckers. I eventually got around to watching it again and started mentioning it on Twitter to my Proby buddies and, you know, it’s not too bad after all. I think what pissed me off is that this came with a lot of hype about how fucking AMAZING Daniel Day Lewis is and all of this other bullshit so I went into it with a good, thick buzz and hated on it.  Watching it the other day… it’s not too bad. I appreciate its Epic-ness and all of that shit but Lewis and his line delivery still bothered me and…… Paul Dano is fucking weird.

Exhibit A: Dano seen in the wild. Subject appears aggressive, feminine.  c. 2010

Exhibit A: Dano seen in the wild. Subject appears aggressive, feminine, armed. c. 2010

I actually kind of liked the beginning when he blows open that hole and the ladder breaks when he’s heading back down. He gets his gold and crawls back to town, across the desert with one fucking arm. Can you imagine??? After I wrote those last words, I sat back in my chair and looked at my whiteboard I haven’t written on in five years. Up in the right hand corner I wrote the word ANTIMACASSAR at some point. Does anyone besides me know what that is??? NO CHEATING!! Cinema Parrot Disco is holding a contest. First one to get that right wins a one way ticket to Mustang, Oklahoma, the anus of the state I live in..

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I think this speaks for itself.

 

Back to There Will Be Blood. I know that no one has ever seen this so I am going to go into VERY lengthy detail about the plot, the symbolism, the epic imagery and meaningful score. Right now. Some dude finds some gold, makes a bunch of money in the oil business, hates his son and kills a preacher in a bowling alley.  Peace.

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The artist: shitting himself in the wild.

I would like to thank Cinema Parrot Disco for having me over here today. I realize that I am Unclean and Smelly but I appreciate the pity and mercy she has shown The Poor Sinner. I have taken the devil into my mouth and have become accursed.  Cinema Nine Table is truly an Angel of Mercy and Compassion and without any hesitation I say that she is a Flower sent down from The Garden of Heaven. I have a saying I like to say that goes like this: “None but the Righteous are called to live in The Principal” and she is the embodiment of that Principal. A true Cherub.

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***Note from Cinema Parrot Disco, the True Cherub:

As you probably know, Eric hosts the always entertaining Shitfest and you can view all the current Shitfest 2014: Summer entries HERE (including my review of Moshi Monsters: The Movie HERE).

Also, this Friday, his site will be hosting not one but TWO Shitfest Socials in which anyone who wants to join in can gather together and all watch a really bad movie at the same time & trash it in the comments section! Sound like fun?

Eric will be hosting the first social (Movie: Axe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan – full details HERE) and I’ll be hosting the second one (Movie: Alone In The Dark – full details HERE ). It would be great if you could all join us for one of these – just leave a comment at the above links & let Eric know. 🙂

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