There Will Be Blood (2007) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

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Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from Eric of The IPC. He’s already done reviews for Se7en (HERE) and for Twelve Monkeys (HERE). Thanks so much for being a part of this, Eric! 🙂 Now let’s see what he has to say about There Will Be Blood, IMDB rank 173 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE.

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I received this stinking piece of shit in the mail the other week, wondering why the fuck I ordered this from Netflix. Surely I was beered up and thinking I could give it a good rogering on my site since I saw it back whenever it came out on DVD and I hated it. “I drink your milkshake” my fucking ass, pretentious cocksuckers. I eventually got around to watching it again and started mentioning it on Twitter to my Proby buddies and, you know, it’s not too bad after all. I think what pissed me off is that this came with a lot of hype about how fucking AMAZING Daniel Day Lewis is and all of this other bullshit so I went into it with a good, thick buzz and hated on it.  Watching it the other day… it’s not too bad. I appreciate its Epic-ness and all of that shit but Lewis and his line delivery still bothered me and…… Paul Dano is fucking weird.

Exhibit A: Dano seen in the wild. Subject appears aggressive, feminine.  c. 2010

Exhibit A: Dano seen in the wild. Subject appears aggressive, feminine, armed. c. 2010

I actually kind of liked the beginning when he blows open that hole and the ladder breaks when he’s heading back down. He gets his gold and crawls back to town, across the desert with one fucking arm. Can you imagine??? After I wrote those last words, I sat back in my chair and looked at my whiteboard I haven’t written on in five years. Up in the right hand corner I wrote the word ANTIMACASSAR at some point. Does anyone besides me know what that is??? NO CHEATING!! Cinema Parrot Disco is holding a contest. First one to get that right wins a one way ticket to Mustang, Oklahoma, the anus of the state I live in..


I think this speaks for itself.


Back to There Will Be Blood. I know that no one has ever seen this so I am going to go into VERY lengthy detail about the plot, the symbolism, the epic imagery and meaningful score. Right now. Some dude finds some gold, makes a bunch of money in the oil business, hates his son and kills a preacher in a bowling alley.  Peace.


The artist: shitting himself in the wild.

I would like to thank Cinema Parrot Disco for having me over here today. I realize that I am Unclean and Smelly but I appreciate the pity and mercy she has shown The Poor Sinner. I have taken the devil into my mouth and have become accursed.  Cinema Nine Table is truly an Angel of Mercy and Compassion and without any hesitation I say that she is a Flower sent down from The Garden of Heaven. I have a saying I like to say that goes like this: “None but the Righteous are called to live in The Principal” and she is the embodiment of that Principal. A true Cherub.


***Note from Cinema Parrot Disco, the True Cherub:

As you probably know, Eric hosts the always entertaining Shitfest and you can view all the current Shitfest 2014: Summer entries HERE (including my review of Moshi Monsters: The Movie HERE).

Also, this Friday, his site will be hosting not one but TWO Shitfest Socials in which anyone who wants to join in can gather together and all watch a really bad movie at the same time & trash it in the comments section! Sound like fun?

Eric will be hosting the first social (Movie: Axe Giant: The Wrath Of Paul Bunyan – full details HERE) and I’ll be hosting the second one (Movie: Alone In The Dark – full details HERE ). It would be great if you could all join us for one of these – just leave a comment at the above links & let Eric know. 🙂

Ruby Sparks (2012) Review

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Ruby Sparks (2012)

Directed by Jonathan Dayton & Valerie Faris

Written by Zoe Kazan

Paul Dano
Zoe Kazan
Annette Bening
Antonio Banderas
Steve Coogan
Elliott Gould
Chris Messina

Running time: 104 minutes

Plot Synopsis:
Calvin Weir-Fields (Paul Dano) is a novelist who, while suffering from writer’s block, creates a character named Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan). Calvin starts to fall in love with her and, much to his surprise, wakes one day to find a very real Ruby Sparks in his kitchen.

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My Opinion:

I’d been wanting to see Ruby Sparks for ages because I LOVE the idea. It’s such a simple idea for a plot, really, but there were so many ways they could have chosen to go with the film. What would you do if you could write a person into existence & have complete control over them? How many of us would do the right thing & how many of us would abuse that power? I like movies that explore the ramifications (that’s a big word for me!) of situations such as this one.

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Instead of one of my wordy reviews where I go on & on, I’ll keep this simple. I enjoyed Ruby Sparks. It’s a great story AND I even really liked how they chose to end it. There were many different ways they could have gone with the ending & I found it a satisfying conclusion (I’m often disappointed by how films end). The whole script seemed solid and was apparently written by the girl who stars as Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan). I don’t know anything about her but I think she shows huge promise as a writer based on this film. She was also probably the highlight of the film as far as the characters were concerned.

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I wasn’t crazy about the character of Calvin but that could be because Paul Dano just kind of rubs me the wrong way. I feel bad saying that kind of stuff because, you know, Paul Dano might read this someday & then I’d feel bad. Other characters such as his mother & her boyfriend (Annette Bening & Antonio Banderas) and his therapist (Elliott Gould) are just quirky enough in that indie movie sort of way without being annoyingly so. Calvin’s relationship with his brother (Chris Messina) is the most interesting one in the film (outside of his relationship with Ruby, of course). His brother has different theories on women & relationships and has his own opinions on how Calvin should deal with having the ability to control Ruby just by writing whatever he wants about her.

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The movie asks a good question – if we could actually change our partners and make them exactly the way we want them, would we and, more importantly, SHOULD we? I loved the story & it’s handled very well but, overall, it’s not a movie I’d really feel the need to watch again after seeing it the one time. I didn’t fully connect with the characters (particularly Calvin, who is quite depressing – it’s clear why he’s had so much trouble with relationships in the past). Ruby is a good creation, though, and it’s a very good script – I’d watch another movie written by and/or starring Zoe Kazan.

My Rating: 7.5/10

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Prisoners (2013) Review

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Prisoners (2013)

Directed by Denis Villeneuve

Hugh Jackman
Jake Gyllenhaal
Viola Davis
Maria Bello
Terrence Howard
Melissa Leo
Paul Dano

Running time: 153 minutes

Plot Synopsis:
When two young girls go missing, the father of one of the girls (Hugh Jackman) feels he must take matters into his own hands while the police investigate but seem unable to find out what happened to his daughter & her friend.

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My Opinion:

This will be a quickie. I’ve been a terrible movie blogger lately! I’ve been busy so have done very few reviews & when looking at the list of films I’ve watched this year, I see I’ve not reviewed 24 of them. Pathetic! So I’ll try to crank out some short ones over the next few weeks. I’m too wordy anyway!

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The Story:

Prisoners is very highly rated & recommended but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by the end of the film as I left with far too many unanswered questions. The investigation didn’t feel at all like how one would go in real life (not that I exactly know). The cop (Jake Gyllenhaal) did far too much on his own. Don’t they have partners in real life? Especially for potentially dangerous situations? And there were a few things that seemed so obvious to anyone watching the film yet this cop, who has apparently solved every case he’s ever been on, completely misses these clues or figures them out too late. Like with a lot of movies in this genre, some of the characters do things that don’t make sense and you can’t help but get annoyed when they do something stupid. All in all, there were just far too many loose ends for me to be able to leave the cinema feeling satisfied by the story.

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The characters:

Luckily, the movie is helped by some believable characters & good performances. Hugh Jackman is by far the best thing about the film. He’s very good as the desperate father who will do whatever it takes to find his daughter. His wife (Maria Bello) didn’t have much to do but the parents of the other missing girl (Viola Davis & Terrence Howard) were also very good as two parents going through their worst nightmare.

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The thing that probably annoyed me most about this movie, aside from the problems I had with some plot holes, was the underdevelopment of Jake Gyllenhaal’s character. His character felt like he had a very interesting backstory but this wasn’t explored at all and I left feeling like he must have more scenes that explained his character’s past but were left on the cutting room floor. Which is especially disappointing as, at a length of two and a half hours, you would think they could have devoted a little time to his past. Jackman’s character also suffered a bit from this lack of development. I don’t know. Seeing as the story just didn’t quite come together, getting to know a bit more about the characters & their motivations (what’s with the religion? being a survivalist? having nervous ticks & lots of tattoos?) would have been nice.

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A tense thriller with some very good performances that’s unfortunately let down by an investigation that doesn’t stand up to close scrutiny & lack of character development. The film’s biggest strengths are the performances from its stars and some strong and (potentially) very interesting characters. However, these interesting characters deserved to have much more of the two and a half hour running time devoted to their development. I really felt like we were missing so much of whatever made Jackman’s and especially Gyllenhaal’s characters who they were. Had we learned more about these seemingly deep men with strong beliefs that aren’t explained, I’d have been able to overlook a few problems with the plot.

My Rating: 6.5/10

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That was still too wordy…