Since I mainly just do really short reviews the last couple of years in monthly posts, I have quite a few “reviews” of horror movies that are way too short to re-post alone. So here are all the mega short horror mini-reviews from the last two years. They’re in order from best to worst (the last few were dreadful). Love And Monsters isn’t exactly a horror movie, either, but it has monsters so I included it since it was more enjoyable than the rest.
– Love And Monsters – This was a lot of fun but I weirdly have very little to say about it. Don’t know why. It’s a fun idea and the main character is sweet & likeable and OH MY GOD I loved the cute dog in it and there’s a fun robot and I LOVE robots (and cute dogs!) and there are funny big monsters and there’s honestly nothing to not like about this one. It also feels very original, which I can say about very few films these days. It’s a fun family film (well, not for really young kids but fine for slightly older ones). But I didn’t quite connect with it when I thought I’d really love it. I liked it. It’s good. Maybe I just need to watch it again sometime… Cool Robot above, Cute Dog at top of post! – 7/10
– Run – This one was “fine”. Man I’m bored with movies that are just “okay”! But I do love a good ’90s-style thriller and do love a CRAZY MOM (Margaret White is the best!). So I did enjoy this movie despite it not being very good. Actually, I should maybe give it a slightly higher score. Meh. Maybe not. The young girl, Kiera Allen, was good but Sarah Paulson was a bit silly. I liked the story and the couple of twists at the end were fun. Okay, I’ve kind of talked myself into liking this one. Wish it was a better film overall. – 6/10
– Sputnik – I was excited about this. Foreign sci-fi!! A Russian Alien!! Sadly, I was disappointed. I think it had a good idea (even though, yes, it’s very similar to Alien), the alien dude thing looked good, and the acting was decent. There’s even a mini twist at the very end. But… I dunno. It just didn’t quite work. I can’t explain why, though, as this is totally my type of thing. Maybe my expectations were just too high as one of my favorites last year was a foreign dystopian sci-fi film (The Platform). – 6/10
– I See You – This was decent. Preferred how it started out to how it ended but liked the completely unpredictable turn it took. I appreciate that as the majority of horror films’ plots fail to surprise me in any way. But this is one of those movies that sort of switches genres halfway through & the mysterious horror at the start is more my type of thing. Here’s the Wikipedia plot synopsis: “It follows a suburban family beset by unexplainable events that may be linked to the recent disappearance of a young boy.” And that really tells you nothing about this movie… Worth a watch if you like a crime horror that keeps you guessing. – 6/10
– The Borderlands – I love a good horror. We get so few good horror films these days. This one was… Okay. Not even close to being a great modern horror (like It Follows, Train To Busan or The Babadook). But it was a perfectly decent example of the found footage & religious horror subgenres & had a good creepy atmosphere. I also kind of liked the ending as it got a bit weird. I like some weirdness! The whole thing could have done with more of that. I have NO clue why but this one made me think of horror movie The Ritual. That was an odd one. Oh, probably just because they’re both British. Anyway, The Ritual has gone up a bit in my estimation since I first saw it. That one was better. But if you like that, you might like this. And vice versa. – 6/10
– The Haunted Mansion – Finally decided to check this one out. It’s… Fine. I’m sure it’s a favorite film for some who were kids at the right sort of age when this came out. But I only saw this two months ago & am already forgetting it. Safe & fun but forgettable family film. – 6/10
– Dark Places – Oh, look – it’s young Beast from X-Men! Holy shit – I barely remember this movie either. It was only three months ago! My mind has clearly been elsewhere during this pandemic. What’s sad is that I also read this book. From what I remember of the book, this was a faithful adaptation. It just wasn’t my favorite story from Gillian Flynn. Flynn also wrote Gone Girl, which was a very enjoyable book (review here). But what I liked even more was her novel Sharp Objects (sort-of review here). That book was fucked up! And the TV adaptation with Amy Adams was decent. Dark Places was okay but meh. The characters are all pretty hateful (but that’s the case with all of Flynn’s books that I’ve read). Here’s the synopsis from IMDb: “Libby Day was only eight years old when her family was brutally murdered in their rural Kansas farmhouse. Almost thirty years later, she reluctantly agrees to revisit the crime and uncovers the wrenching truths that led up to that tragic night.” – 5.5/10
– Brahms: The Boy II – Well, this was a massive disappointment after really enjoying the first film (which I reviewed HERE). The first film had a solid story (as far as horror goes) & a very ’80s vibe to it. Two things I love: ’80s movies & creepy dolls! The story in this sequel gets really dumb & kind of undoes the simplicity of the story in the first movie. Yet another pointless horror remake. – 5/10
– Tales Of Halloween – Wow. This was absolutely dreadful. It’s a collection of short “Halloween” tales (obviously). I love a good horror anthology (Trick ‘ r Treat& Dead Of Night, for example). Watch those instead. Besides the very first story (I think) being a fucked-up but fun tale of a boy wanting his Halloween candy back, the rest are silly & ridiculous. A waste of time. – 3/10
– Unfriended – I absolutely fucking hated this movie. I’m not gonna even bother to re-post my long rant about it here or add an image. Yuck. Hated these characters so much. – 4/10
Happy December! 2020 is finally almost over! I’ve decided to at least finish out the year on this blog since I only have to post my monthly roundups for October, November & December. I’ll do my usual year-end top ten lists in early January but not sure of any blog plans after that. May just continue these monthly roundups when I have the time. Here’s what I watched in October…
MOVIES WATCHED IN OCTOBER (ranked best to worst):
– The Platform – I’ve been extremely disappointed with the majority of movies I’ve seen this year. The Platform was a nice surprise after a crappy year of films. I really liked this – it may be my favorite I’ve seen at home this year. I always appreciate a good concept & seeing something that feels truly original as so many movies are cliché & predictable. Here’s the Wikipedia synopsis: “The Platform (Spanish: El hoyo, transl. The Hole) is a 2019 Spanish social science fiction-horror film directed by Galder Gaztelu-Urrutia. The film is set in a large, tower-style “Vertical Self-Management Center”. Its residents, who are switched every 30 days between its many floors, are fed via a platform which, initially filled with food at the top floor, gradually descends through the tower’s levels, stopping for a fixed amount of time on each. The system inevitably leads to conflict, as the residents at the top levels get to eat as much as they can, with each level getting only the leftovers from the previous ones.” Yeah, it’s a bit of a grim dystopian tale but I’m still a fan of this genre despite this real-life dystopian year so I realise it may not be the sort of thing people will want to watch at the moment. But it’s a great story that poses some interesting questions & is well worth the watch on Netflix if you appreciate this sort of story. – 7.5/10
– First Man – I liked this more than I was expecting, despite not quite connecting with Damien Chazelle’s films so far. I thought Ryan Gosling was very good playing a complex & quite standoffish Neil Armstrong. I admit to knowing nothing whatsoever of the man’s real life or personality so don’t know how accurate this portrayal was. But I felt for his character & could relate to him in a strange sort of way for a girl who has no desire to even leave her home let alone this planet. I’m sure he didn’t come across as very likeable to some viewers but I felt sorry for him. I’m aloof too! I hope the bracelet part is true but there’s no definite evidence of that from what I could find online. It was a nice, lovely touch. It’s a good film that will only be appreciated if you like good acting & strong characters. Don’t go into it expecting an exciting space travel action movie. – 7.5/10
– Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan – I never thought of watching this film at the time as I wasn’t a fan of the very little I’d seen of Sacha Baron Cohen. But then he talked some real sense when speaking out against Facebook & social media and, hell, I thought maybe I’d watch this after all when everyone was raving about the Borat sequel (which I also watched & will mention next). I thought this movie was pretty damn hilarious. Surprised it had passed me by. Not all of the humor in it was to my taste & some of it was a bit too juvenile. But, hey, I can also appreciate a guy shitting in a bag much to the horror of his uppity dinner hosts. That shit was funny. What I really like is how he uses silly humor to expose some people for the truly awful human beings that they are. Good stuff. I’d happily watch a third film & would absolutely love it if he could manage to expose more of the rich & the famous. But that would of course be difficult now that this character is more well known (as shown in the sequel, when people recognised him at the beginning). – 7/10
– Borat Subsequent Moviefilm: Delivery of Prodigious Bribe to American Regime for Make Benefit Once Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan – Also got some good laughs out of this sequel, although I don’t think the comedy or overall story worked as well as in the first film. He’d set his sights much higher here, though, trying to go after Trump’s people & supporters instead of just trying to meet a sexy actress from Baywatch (plus Pamela Anderson was in on it all with the first film). So this will have been a harder stunt to pull off but he still did well to fool a lot of people. And, hey – I think a certain guy is horrible but also think he WAS tucking in his shirt. Still plenty of funny stuff in this one too, though, and the development of his relationship with his “daughter” was quite sweet (and Maria Bakalova was very funny in that role). – 7/10
– The Man From Earth – This was okay. It’s about a college professor who is moving on after several years in his job & his fellow professors insist on a farewell get together at his place. He then proceeds to tell them he’s actually a Cro-Magnon caveman who has been alive for more than 14,000 years. This is one of those talky movies, so avoid if you don’t like movies where the characters just sit around & talk for the entirety of the film. There’s some good conversation, though, as he tries to convince them he’s telling the truth while they ask smart professor-y questions. There’s also some tension as his story goes against the beliefs of some of his friends. I’d like to give it a higher rating, as it’s a smart film that does well with a low budget. I liked it. I’d like to watch the sequel as well, but am disappointed to see it has a low IMDb rating. So maybe I should quit while I’m ahead & watch just this one decent standalone film with an interesting story. – 6.5/10
– Hubie Halloween – I liked this, although it’s certainly not my favorite Adam Sandler film (I did a top ten of his movies HERE so I suppose I should add this at some point). Not sure where I’d rank this – maybe around 10th place or so. But I’ve seen way more than ten of his movies so I should rank all of them – Hubie Halloween is probably somewhere in the middle. What I liked about this movie more than anything was 1) the fact that it’s set at Halloween & I want more movies set at Halloween and 2) the inappropriate t-shirts his character’s sweet old mother wears and especially 3) Steve Buscemi. I love Buscemi. I do like Adam Sandler, unlike some snobby people who refuse to admit to ever liking his films. However, I also fully admit that some of his movies are complete & utter shit. Where Sandler does best is when he finds people who make his movies better. Drew Barrymore & Steve Buscemi elevate the Sandler movies they’re in. Too bad Drew wasn’t in this one! Sandler has great chemistry with Drew & Buscemi has ended up being surprisingly hilarious in all of his small Sandler movie roles. Well, Buscemi was great again & the highlight of this film for me (plus it’s a much bigger role than most of his Sandler cameos). My kid was like “Steve Buscemi!” as soon as he came on screen. How many pre-teens get excited over Steve Buscemi, let alone even know who he is?? I’m a cool movie parent. – 6/10
– Before I Go To Sleep – Meh. I like a good thriller but this one got a bit too silly at the end (although the twist was okay even if a bit predictable – I love a twist). I just read something recently where someone was like “Oh look – it’s Nicole Kidman playing a woman in a bad marriage again!” My god, she really does love this sort of role. Although you don’t know in this case if she IS in a bad marriage or not as you have no idea who to trust (she’s a woman who was attacked in the past & wakes up every day not able to remember anything). So it’s like 50 First Dates without the fun. – 5.5/10
– The Haunted Mansion – Finally decided to check this one out. It’s… Fine. I’m sure it’s a favorite film for some who were kids at the right sort of age when this came out. But I only saw this two months ago & am already forgetting it. Safe & fun but forgettable family film. – 6/10
– Freaked – Yeah…. With the release of Bill & Ted Face The Music, I figured it was finally time to watch this Alex Winter film I somehow managed to miss back in 1993. It’s bad. Very bad. But it’s full-on Troma-level bad (without actually being a Troma film, but I’m too lazy to look into if there are Troma connections as it really does look & feel like a Troma film). I can see why this has its fans in the same way the “so bad they’re bad” Troma movies do. So, like Troma movies, I’m glad I watched this to experience it just one time. And like Troma movies (except maybe The Toxic Avenger, which is the Citizen Kane of Troma), you’d never get me to watch this a second time. Oh! Lovely Keanu Reeves makes an uncredited appearance in this, though. I’ll give it an extra half a point for that. – 5.5/10
– Brahms: The Boy II – Well, this was a massive disappointment after really enjoying the first film (which I reviewed HERE). The first film had a solid story (as far as horror goes) & a very ’80s vibe to it. Two things I love: ’80s movies & creepy dolls! The story in this sequel gets really dumb & kind of undoes the simplicity of the story in the first movie. Yet another pointless horror remake. – 5/10
– Tales Of Halloween – Wow. This was absolutely dreadful. It’s a collection of short “Halloween” tales (obviously). I love a good horror anthology (Trick ‘ r Treat& Dead Of Night, for example). Watch those instead. Besides the very first story (I think) being a fucked-up but fun tale of a boy wanting his Halloween candy back, the rest are silly & ridiculous. A waste of time. – 3/10
Shorts, etc:
– Birth Of A Monster: A Star Wars Story – Wasn’t sure where to put this in the post as it’s a short on YouTube. It’s a DAMN good Star Wars fan film that I’d recommend to every Star Wars lover. God, even fan films are doing a better job with Star Wars than the “professionals” did with the damn sequel trilogy! You can watch this film HERE. I don’t really want to say anything about it as I knew nothing going into it & it was a lovely surprise watching this fun Star Wars story unfold. So please check it out if you’re a fan – I think you’ll appreciate it. – 7.5/10
Rewatched In October:
– Adventures In Babysitting – This movie will always be a guilty pleasure favorite of mine. Still love it. – 8.5/10
– Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory – It’s a classic. Gene Wilder is fantastic. The songs are incredible, especially Pure Imagination which is on my regular playlist that I listen to every day while working. But I’ve always found it slightly too creepy. I was more of a Wizard Of Oz kid than a Willy Wonka kid. Still am. – 7.5/10
– Billy Madison – More Adam Sandler! Again, I’d probably rank this somewhere in the middle but higher than Hubie Halloween. And, again, we get a brilliant Steve Buscemi cameo. I’d actually forgotten that bit as I hadn’t watched this in years. Hilarious! Think it’s my favorite Buscemi cameo after drunk Wedding Singer Buscemi. How many times can I say Buscemi in this month’s post?? – 6.5/10
– Monster House – This is one of those where I remember really liking it at the time but, on a rewatch, it’s not as good as I remembered. The animation just isn’t good enough compared to films we’ve had since. But, hey – Steve Buscemi is in it! I said Buscemi again! Am sure that will be part of the reason why I liked it at the time. It’s still a decent family movie, though, and was worth the rewatch. – 6/10
BOOKS, TV, MUSIC, MISCELLANEOUS IN OCTOBER
TV SHOWS WATCHED
I didn’t make note of anything here in October but I think season 2 of The Mandalorian started in October?? Well, as I’m now writing this in December I’ve already seen the final episode. Oh. My. God. I’m not sure I can even put into words how much I absolutely loved it. Guess I’ll have to try in my December post! As for episode 1 in October, it was great with an exciting glimpse at the end of the episode. A very strong start to an absolutely brilliant series.
BOOKS READ
– Frankenstein by Mary Shelley – Not going to do some in-depth review of this. I’m not exactly qualified when I stick mainly to Stephen King & YA novels! Yes, Frankenstein is an all-time classic and I really liked reading the full story as I only knew some bits & pieces from film adaptations. The story is actually quite different from interpretations I’ve seen. But was it a fun read for me? Not gonna lie – reading a book written in 1818 was a challenge. Took me ages to read it but, hey, I can’t afford the newest Stephen King book so had to read something. Brilliant story, I love that it was written by an 18-year-old girl, and Frankenstein’s monster wasn’t as innocent as adaptations had led me to believe. It’s a great novel but reading it was a bit of a slog. – 4/5
BLOG PLANS FOR THE COMING MONTH
Am hoping to post my November roundup before the end of the year & then my December roundup & year-end top ten lists in early January. Want to continue only these monthly posts in 2021 but need to find a way to make them shorter. Maybe I need to watch fewer movies… Less to have to write about that way! 🙂
Guess the song I should end with for this roundup is Pure Imagination…
Cinema Parrot Disco 