For this week’s Music Video Friday, I had a chat with Brian of Hard Ticket To Home Video about Billy Idol’s exploding-toaster classic White Wedding. Thanks for doing this with me, Brian! 🙂 I’d also like to thank Pat Benatar and her shoulder shimmy shake for the inspiration.
Now let’s talk about White Wedding, shall we? Here’s the video in case any of you twentysomethings haven’t seen it:
My Chat With Brian:
B: I love when Billy’s taking the scarf off (like you didn’t think it would be him) and it gets caught on his crucifix necklace and you can see he’s pissed. That was the best take they had?
B: Then in the next shot you can see a part of the scarf hanging off the crucifix.
M: Really?? I’ve just finished watching this thing three times & didn’t even notice that. I think I was too distracted watching his mouth while he sang. Also, I was trying to decide if I ever found Billy Idol attractive in any way. Or if I do now. (No. I don’t.)
M: I’d rather be “dancing with myself”. Ha!
B: His flesh isn’t your fantasy?
M: With a rebel yell, I wouldn’t cry more more more.
M: Seriously, though, I was always really freaked out by the ring cutting the bride’s finger. Man, Billy Idol is a bastard in this video! I also can’t figure out if she’s marrying Idol or if he’s the best man or something. If he’s the best man, I think cutting the bride’s finger is a massive best man FAIL.
B: I thought that was his sister?
B: His little sister.
B: And doesn’t want his sister to get married, so he tries to change her mind with the help of some biker chicks, getting her hooked on LSD (via the ring he cuts her with, most likely) then blows up her kitchen?
M: Wait a second… I didn’t even give the lyrics a thought! He does say hey little sister. WTF? That makes the video even more disturbing!
B: Yeah so I guess it’s a “shotgun” wedding.
B: And he’s her big brother, and left home and wasn’t there to protect her when some creep knocked her up.
M: You’re blowing my mind. I’m seeing this video in a whole new light. Yet he also calls it a “white wedding” which implies that the bride is a virgin. This video makes no sense.
B: But there is no groom in this, and it does seem like they’re getting married, so maybe I’m wrong.
B: Maybe it’s about an abusive husband? This girl thinks she’s in for a fairytale wedding but it turns out to be a nightmare, mostly because of her husband’s pants and hair.
B: And she thought her home life was going to be so great but it all blows up in her face.
B: While Billy bends over at her all the time, because he’s an asshole.
M: Ohh – now we’re getting somewhere! I was actually going to ask you what you thought the exploding appliances were meant to symbolize. This video is deep! As for those exploding appliances, do you think those were on their wedding gift registry? I hope they’re still under warranty.
B: Well even if their toaster exploded, they probably got four more from relatives.
M: True. Maybe that’s what Idol is so pissed off about! Okay – I just read about the video & it said Idol is a “guest” at the wedding. And I read that he cut the girl’s finger for real. She was his girlfriend at the time & she insisted that her finger actually be cut so that it looked real. I bet those two had really kinky sex.
B: I would imagine it involved using cocaine for lube.
M: Lol! How would that even work?? (Don’t answer that!) 😉 Anyway, it’s not as cool as Ozzy snorting ants. Ozzy is way cooler than Billy Idol ever was.
B: At least Ozzy never tried to pretend to play the guitar. In this Billy is trying to play two different guitar parts simultaneously.
M: Was he playing a guitar in this video?! I didn’t notice that. I’m a girl – I was more upset by the treatment of the poor bride in this thing.
M: I wish the bride would exact revenge on Idol and all these horrible wedding guests “Kill Bill style”. That would be awesome.
B: Well at the end she’s in a cocoon, so at least she’s safe.
M: With Wilford Brimley! I thought she was covered in cobwebs… Isn’t she dead at the end? It’s like November Rain! What were these old rock stars trying to say about marriage? The only good wife is a dead wife??
M: And was Idol (or… someone at the wedding?) planning to murder the bride from the start as it looks like those guys are digging a grave outside the church? And is that a coffin they’re putting nails into?
M: Also, why do those chicks in tight leather pants smack their own butts? Are they the bridesmaids??
B: I think he means that getting married is basically ending the life you knew.
B: Those chicks smack their butts because they’re nice butts and you needed more titillation in this video than Billy’s nipples.
M: You’re very deep, Brian! And it makes more sense with that being a cocoon instead of cobwebs. This video is better than I realized! And I agree that those are nice butts. One of the chicks in leather is the same one playing the bride, actually.
M: Did you know this video was directed by David Mallet? I knew his name but didn’t realize just how many videos he’d directed. Holy shit! If you want to do this again sometime, I’m sure we may end up doing another one of his. He did most of Bowie’s videos. And I have even more respect for him now that you’ve made me realize that White Wedding is super deep & not just about hot chicks in tight leather pants. And exploding toasters.
B: And a shitload of AC/DC and Joan Jett. Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes video is so creepy.
M: That’s probably my hubby’s favorite video ever! Of course, if it isn’t he’ll bitch at me when I post this tomorrow. If I post this bit. Are we done with White Wedding?? I like how I just typed out “Whore Wedding” by accident…
B: We’ve probably rambled on long enough.
M: Okay – We’re done with Billy Idol’s nipples! Thanks for the chat, dude! 🙂
B: But they’ll still haunt me until the end of my days.