Double Team (1997) Review

Double Team (1997)

Directed by Tsui Hark

Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dennis Rodman, Paul Freeman, Mickey Rourke

Plot Synopsis:
Does it matter?!

My Opinion:

This was bad but I’m now obsessed with JCVD movies after avoiding watching them while growing up. Thought they looked dumb (well, they are) but damn they’re fun! And I love those splits. This is a late one, 1997, and it suffers from not having that ‘80s/early ‘90s vibe I love. And Rodman can’t act. But JCVD still makes it watchable. I’ve ranked his films here now that I’ve seen quite a few.

My Rating: 6/10 (too high, it’s shit, but I now think I love JCVD)

Okay, the above is my Letterboxd review but while I was watching this, I made note of the below comments/thoughts I had:

Good Lord this is bad from the get go.

Excellent! Already had a “slowly walking away from an explosion” scene.

What the hell is going on in this amusement park? This is so OTT. Hilarious. Shit blowing up & loads of people getting shot & I should probably know why but I don’t because I’ve kind of not been paying attention. Man this has been going on forever…

Holy shit – did they kill a little kid???

Wait – how the hell are they suddenly in a hospital with a bunch of babies?!

OMG – was Mickey Rourke going to blow up those sweet little babies?!?!?! What a dick!

This movie is terrible. But not in that good ‘80s/early ‘90s kind of way like JCVD’s older films. This was 1997? Doesn’t have the cheesy magic of his older films. Very happy there’s no mullet, though. He’s looking kind of hot without it.

Okay, there appears to be an attempt to add some sort of ridiculous plot to this thing now. I’m bored. Get back to blowing shit up.

Oh yeah… where did Dennis Rodman go? I’ve come back to this after falling asleep & kind of forgotten about the fact he’s in this too… What the hell was his role again?? Guess I’ll find out when he shows up again.

Bwahahaha! Okay, JCVD has been recuperating after being blown up & he’s just chucked his walking stick & immediately started doing some sexy splits up against the wall. He’s healed! JCVD is back!! Okay, now I’m getting more interested…

Okay, he’s now getting back into shape using a big bucket of rocks & weightlifting a bathtub full of water? God I love how this guy always finds the most awkward ways to work out in his films.

I totally missed why there are lasers in the water. Not that it matters. Let’s get Rourke & Rodman back into this thing.

Oh, by the way, JCVD has a sexy pregnant wife in this who has been told that he’s dead. Forgot to mention that. Gotta have the sexy wife for him to be reunited with at the end, of course. And she makes art. She’s classy.

Oh, there’s Rodman. Remember when that dude was famous? Is he still around?

Oh yeah – he’s a weapons dealer or expert or something? Oh boy, Rodman really can’t act. Making JCVD seem Oscar-worthy.

And they’re now jumping out of a plane for some reason.

Aww, JCVD’s baby has been born.

People are getting shot & shit is blowing up again.

Who is this crazy woman? Did I miss something? (Probably)

They blew up a swimming pool.

Okay, that wasn’t his wife & baby. A message has been left for him to say his baby is due tomorrow, so he’s off to find his wife. (Because babies are of course always born on their exact due date)

Rodman is gonna team up with JCVD since he now knows a baby is involved. Cute.

I completely forgot about this dumb JCVD disguise

I’ve lost the plot. Not that it matters. Save the wife & baby!

This movie has the largest amount of breaking glass I’ve ever seen in a film. Seriously. What’s with everyone crashing through glass constantly?

There’s a guy trying to stab JCVD with a knife he’s holding between his bare toes. Whyyyyyy?

Cybermonks?! Lmao.

Rodman’s acting is giving me second-hand embarrassment.

Baby has been born. They’re gonna kill the wife now. For whatever reason. I dunno.

Aww. Wife is still alive. They’re together again! Reunited and it feels so gooooood.

Baby is missing, though. JCVD is off to find his baby! Gonna have a showdown with Mickey Rourke. Remember when Rourke was kind of hot?

My daughter had to show me something so I was distracted & now have no idea why JCVD is suddenly battling a… tiger? Of course. That’s normal.

He escaped from the tiger. Now it’s time for hand to hand combat with Rourke. Or foot to foot. Foot to face?

They’re also surrounded by mines for some reason. Again, very normal.

Rourke is named Stavros, by the way. Feel like that’s been a bad guy name in something else. Like Doctor Who or something.

Rourke blew himself up with a mine just as that tiger was about to attack him. Remember the tiger?

I don’t know how to explain this but JCVD, Rodman & the baby were just saved from burning to death in another massive explosion by a Coca-Cola machine. This film was clearly sponsored by Coke. Now I remember a Coke can being used prominently earlier (after JCVD peeled off his own fingerprint – forgot to mention that, it was gross).

I’d like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony…

Wait. Who the hell is this dude at the end? That’s the end?! Well, at least JCVD is safe with his wife & baby! I can’t believe they ended on Rodman poorly delivering a dumb line. That was seriously embarrassing. Please tell me he did no other acting? I can’t remember if he was in other stuff.

Man, that was awful. But I think I still have a thing for JCVD so it was worth it.

Haha – I read this at Wikipedia while putting this post together. Deserved… “It received negative reviews and was nominated for and received three Golden Raspberry Awards: Worst Supporting Actor (Rodman), Worst New Star (Rodman) and Worst Screen Couple (Rodman and Van Damme).”

Violent Night, Candy Cane Lane, Spirited & Family Switch Movie Reviews

Guess I better post reviews for these new Christmas movies that I watched for the first time (rewatched loads of older favorites as well). One of these was pretty good but the rest weren’t the best…

– Violent Night (2022) – Enjoyed this one. Am a fan of Wirkola’s Dead Snow films & thought The Trip was pretty good. I’d say this is almost up there with Dead Snow for me. David Harbour was a good “sick of this shit” but still a nice & caring Santa. Great to see Beverly D’Angelo in another good Christmas film, although as a very different character from Ellen Griswold. Jean-Claude Van Dipshit! Bwahaha! Good, violent Christmas fun. – 7/10

– Candy Cane Lane (2023) – Man they pump out some weird family Xmas films now. To be fair, this was an original idea so I appreciated that & the tiny people were fun. I wish the execution of the story was better. Main characters were underdeveloped & Jillian Bell was annoying. Had they done better with those elements, it may have given this the rewatchability required of a Xmas movie. But one watch is fine for this one. – 6/10

– Spirited (2022) – Well. This was a bit rubbish but I’d feel like a Scrooge to give a Christmas movie a low rating. It gets an extra star for its one good song, “Good Afternoon” (which I guess means “F*^k You”, so I can appreciate that – Bah Humbug!). Ferrell & Reynolds were reliable but phoning it in a bit (Ferrell’s Elf poops all over this). Liked Octavia Spencer’s character, who was pleasant as usual. – 5.5/10

– Family Switch (2023) – Very sad to see Jennifer Garner go from one of the best body-swap films ever (13 Going On 30, obviously) to such an inferior one. Is it the worst one? Maybe not – there have been so many. But some of the jokes were pathetic & the baby/dog thing was weird. Lessons were learned, they all lived happily ever after, and we’ll get another movie just like it again. And again. And again. – 5.5/10

The Family Plan, Vesper, Theater Camp & May December Movie Reviews

Hi All! Four more quickies today, mostly from 2023…

– The Family Plan (2023) – This was better than expected. Still a pretty standard “family member is actually a trained killer!” comedy but it felt a tiny bit different, mainly in that it took the story slightly more seriously. It won’t change the world but it was an enjoyable afternoon watch & that baby was absolutely adorable. – 6.5/10

– Vesper (2022) – Always a big fan of post-apocalyptic/dystopian sci-fi so glad I finally got around to watching this. Didn’t love it like I was hoping but I thought the film looked impressive for what I assume wasn’t a huge budget. The story was okay but the characters felt underdeveloped & I wish I’d cared more about them. Worth a watch for sci-fi fans but not one I’d re-visit. – 6/10

– Theater Camp (2023) – This was a fun mockumentary, which I usually enjoy (nothing beats This Is Spinal Tap in this genre). This had funny moments but I think they were wasted on me as I couldn’t relate to any of this film whatsoever. Think it must help to be a theater/drama kid, which is the exact opposite of my introvert personality. Not a bad film, though, and probably hilarious to those who can relate. – 6/10

– May December (2023) – An odd film. Not sure what its point was? Did it have one? It certainly didn’t explore its complicated, icky story or try to make us understand these characters. Moore & Portman were reliable as always, but… Meh. – 6/10

Here’s that cute baby from The Family Plan…

Starfish, Landscape With Invisible Hand & Bring It On Movie Reviews

Hi All! Done with your Christmas shopping yet? Here are three movies I didn’t hate! 🙂

Starfish (2018)

Directed & Written by A.T. White

Starring: Virginia Gardner

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A unique, intimate portrayal of a girl grieving for the loss of her best friend, which just so happens to take place on the day the world ends.

My Opinion:

This is the type of indie shit that I love. Weird story with a deeper meaning, some sci-fi, slightly pretentious. Very me. But this didn’t quite work. Liked the end & brief horror, Virginia Gardner was good, music a bit annoying, some experimental scenes didn’t quite work, and the story was a little too nonsensical. But I appreciate films like this being made & always eagerly watch them.

It reminded me a bit of the film Bokeh, although I wouldn’t necessarily recommend that one if you liked this. Maybe. Far more happens in Starfish (although Starfish was way too slow). But absolutely nothing happens in Bokeh. It’s just beautiful and has a similar, melancholy feel to it that this film also had. Plus the fact that most everyone on Earth suddenly disappears in both films. Both are far from perfect & probably quite “boring” to a lot of people, but I still think about Bokeh sometimes & know that I’ll still be thinking about Starfish sometimes. So, yes, I do really appreciate that. 

Oh, and the more obvious comparison to Starfish would be Another Earth. Also a very “me” film. I’d definitely recommend Starfish if you liked Another Earth. Very similar vibe. 

Okay, I just read this about Starfish director A.T. White at IMDb: “He wrote, directed and scored the film. Every cent he makes from ‘Starfish’ is donated to Cancer Research.” Well now I think he’s amazing. The type of music may not be totally for me but this film shows a lot of potential. I’d definitely watch more of his work. And I hope this movie made & somehow continues to make lots of money.

Oh, and this girl was also in the movie Fall which I thoroughly enjoyed even though it was absolutely ridiculous.

My Rating: 7/10

Landscape With Invisible Hand (2023)

Directed by Cory Finley

Based on Landscape with Invisible Hand by M. T. Anderson

Starring: Asante Blackk, Kylie Rogers, Tiffany Haddish

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
When an occupying alien species’ bureaucratic rule and advanced technology leaves most of Earth impoverished and unemployed, two teenagers hatch a risky plan to ensure their families’ futures.

My Opinion:

A strange film that looked very much like the indie weirdness I go for, but it didn’t really work for me. Love the idea but think it tried to make too many different (obvious) points when it could have devoted more time to just a couple of its ideas, giving more depth to the story & characters. But I appreciate its effort & uniqueness. (And I recognised the girl from Space Station 76, a film I loved. She was also in Beau Is Afraid, which I reviewed yesterday. I hate you Beau Is Afraid!)

My Rating: 6/10

Bring It On (2000)

Directed by Peyton Reed

Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Eliza Dushku, Jesse Bradford, Gabrielle Union

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The plot of the film centers around two high school cheerleading teams’ preparation for a national competition.

My Opinion:

Rewatched with the daughter for the first time in years. Holds up fairly well. I still like it, but it could’ve been great as a dark, Heathers-style comedy. I like the routines. I was a cheerleader in high school, which is hilarious to anyone who knows me as I’m the LEAST cheerful & MOST introverted person I know. Think I saw myself as Dushku‘s character (but I was a dork).

My Rating: 7/10

Women Talking, Unlocked, The Killer & Beau Is Afraid Movie Reviews

What do we have today? Four (U.K. release date) 2023 films. One good, two mediocre, one a piece of shit.

Women Talking (2022)

Directed by & Screenplay by Sarah Polley

Based on Women Talking by Miriam Toews

Starring: Rooney Mara, Claire Foy, Jessie Buckley, Judith Ivey, Ben Whishaw, Frances McDormand

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Based on the Canadian 2018 novel of the same name by Miriam Toews, itself inspired by the gas-facilitated rapes that occurred at the Manitoba Colony, a remote and isolated Mennonite community in Bolivia, the film follows a group of American Mennonite women who discuss their future, following their discovery of the men’s history of raping the colony’s women.

My Opinion:

A worthy film with worthy acting & a worthy story that I have no clue how to review. The story? Not at all surprising but still shocking & heartbreaking. Great performances, especially from Mara & Foy (Foy was the angry one, right? I was on her side – Pissed OFF). Glad Polley was recognised with a deserved Best Adapted Screenplay Oscar. Good film that would make a great play.

My Rating: 7/10

Unlocked (2023) (Korean: 스마트폰을 떨어뜨렸을 뿐인데)

Directed & Written by Kim Tae-joon

Starring: Chun Woo-hee, Yim Si-wan, Kim Hee-won

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A woman’s life is turned upside-down when a dangerous man gets hold of her lost cell phone and uses it to track her every move.

My Opinion:

This was fine. I admit I was doing other things so I had the English dubbing on, which always ruins a movie a bit. Shame on me. The story was decent enough & shows how easily we could be taken advantage of through our reliance on our smartphones. The villain wasn’t very believable & those cops did a terrible job. Some things were also too far-fetched but it was still an enjoyable thriller.

My Rating: 6/10

The Killer (2023)

Directed by David Fincher

Based on The Killer by Alexis “Matz” Nolent & Luc Jacamon

Starring: Michael Fassbender, Arliss Howard, Charles Parnell, Kerry O’Malley, Sala Baker, Sophie Charlotte, Tilda Swinton

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
It follows the titular assassin as he embarks on an international vendetta after a hit goes wrong.

My Opinion:

Man this was boring. Sorry. I watched it for Fassbender as I can take or leave Fincher (will this get me kicked out of the online film community?!) but his narration was too damn much. Blah blah blah! Shut up, man. And he’s usually great but his character was so bland. And The Smiths are okay but only in small doses. And the story was absolutely nothing special. What am I missing?

FYI Film Miasma – If you haven’t seen this yet, I can’t see you loving it since Fassbender never shuts the f*^k up and I know you hate too much talking in movies…

My Rating: 6/10

Beau Is Afraid (2023)

Directed & Written by Ari Aster

Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Nathan Lane, Amy Ryan, Stephen McKinley Henderson, Hayley Squires, Denis Ménochet, Kylie Rogers, Parker Posey, Patti LuPone

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Its plot follows the mild-mannered but paranoia-ridden Beau as he embarks on a surreal odyssey to get home to attend his mother’s funeral, realizing his greatest fears along the way.

My Opinion:

What a load of bollocks. Literally.

Tromeo & Juliet did it first. And better.

Okay, the above two lines are all I wrote on Letterboxd. Because, honestly, sitting through this goddamn film was exhausting & I couldn’t be arsed to write anything about it after it had already wasted too much of my precious time.

I’ll say this: I find Ari Aster’s films interesting and, as I always say, I far prefer interesting to boring. Although I didn’t love them, I still appreciated a lot about Hereditary & Midsommar & wrote quite a lot about them in my reviews. I struggle to even write the short Letterboxd 8-line paragraph for most films now because, well, most movies these days aren’t worth saying much about. They’re bland.

So at least Beau wasn’t bland, I guess. But, unlike Hereditary & Midsommar, there’s nothing I appreciated about it. And I like weird. And I often like slightly pretentious. Hell, I think I love what I’ve seen of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s films (Santa Sangre & El Topo). Love them or hate them, you at least can’t say those two films aren’t entertaining! Weird & pretentious can be fine but I want a movie to also be watchable. Beau is like some kind of endurance test to see if you can sit through the damn thing just to get your film community cred on Letterboxd & shit. Do I win something?! It took me about six separate times but I suffered through all of this thing! Are you all happy now?!?!

Beau is afraid. Of what, I don’t know. Giant penises, I guess. I don’t care. Beau can go f*^k himself.

Okay, I thought of one thing I liked. I’m giving this an extra half a star for that guy hanging from the ceiling. Because of all the what-the-fuck moments in this, that one was the what-the-fuckiest for me for some reason. Oh, and I think there’s at least two head squishings, including one I think you see (I dunno, I looked away). Aster loves his decapitations & head squishings! I’m sure they all have some deep f*^king meaning, of course.

(Yet I’d probably still rank this above Under The Silver Lake. But maybe below the horse-fucking movie. Yes, below the horse-fucking movie. Oh my god – I just realised that all three are A24 films… I’m starting to seriously hate you, A24!)

My Rating: 4/10

*Added an extra half a star for the freaky mask during the play too. Ugh. Am I trying to talk myself into liking this piece of shit?! Oh – Minus half a star for ripping off Tromeo & Juliet, though. Wait… Also adding an extra half a star for having the young girl from Space Station 76 in this because that movie is kind of great. But minus half a star for now tainting that movie for me.

Oh! And you know what else is better than Beau Is Afraid? The movie about people disappearing up a guy’s butt. Seriously. I’d watch Butt Boy 100 times before I’d ever sit through Beau Is Afraid again. (maybe)

I’ll still probably watch Ari Aster’s next film. I hate myself.

Flora And Son, Fingernails & The Little Mermaid (2023 Reviews)

Three “meh” 2023 movie releases today…

Flora And Son (2023)

Directed & Written by John Carney

Starring: Eve Hewson, Jack Reynor, Orén Kinlan, Joseph Gordon-Levitt

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A single mom at war with her son is trying to find a hobby for him. One day, she rescues a guitar from a dumpster.

My Opinion:

Disappointed to find out this is Sing Street without the really catchy songs & without very likeable characters. Didn’t care that much about selfish Flora or her delinquent son. Might not help that I’m not a big fan of bland guitar ballads. Meh. Maybe I was just in a bad mood. I like the poster, though. And I still love Sing Street.

FYI – Flora will let you come on her face & let it run down her neck. Or something like that. A film for the whole family!

FYI Again – Think she’s Bono’s daughter.

My Rating: 6/10

Fingernails (2023)

Directed by Christos Nikou

Starring: Jessie Buckley, Riz Ahmed, Jeremy Allen White, Luke Wilson

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film follows a woman who starts working at an institute that tests whether the love between two people in a couple is real.

My Opinion:

Liked the concept but the story’s execution was boring & the characters were extremely dull. How do films with great ideas manage to be boring? Are they trying too hard to appear worthy? Oh well. Maybe watch if you like the (wasted in this) actors or idea. The film TiMER has a similar idea without big names but with a better story, so maybe watch that instead. But neither film explores this idea in-depth.

My Rating: 6/10

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Directed by Rob Marshall

Based on Disney’s The Little Mermaid by Ron Clements & John Musker & “The Little Mermaid” by Hans Christian Andersen

Starring: Halle Bailey, Jonah Hauer-King, Daveed Diggs, Awkwafina, Jacob Tremblay, Noma Dumezweni, Art Malik, Javier Bardem, Melissa McCarthy

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The plot follows the mermaid princess Ariel, who is fascinated with the human world; after saving Prince Eric from a shipwreck, she makes a deal with the sea witch Ursula to walk on land.

My Opinion:

Not the worst of the completely unnecessary live-action Disney remakes, I guess. But The Little Mermaid isn’t a huge favorite, so I was going to be slightly less annoyed than I was by live-action Beauty And The Beast (man I hate that one). The cast were all perfectly fine. Meh. I’ll only ever rewatch the animated films. Those are the only ones I (and most people) truly love.

My Rating: 5.5/10

Infinity Pool (2023) & Antiviral (2012) Reviews

Happy (almost) Halloween, everyone! (Well, to the two or three people who might read this…) 🙂

I was happy when I noticed that four horror movies I wanted to see were gonna be on services in the week leading up to Halloween. Excellent! What a way to end October! Or so I thought. Ugh. Would say I only really hated one but all four were an absolute chore to sit through. But I can never leave a movie unfinished (do normal people just, like, stop watching movies they aren’t enjoying?). So I suffered through them all just to have some movies to review for Halloween. What an idiot!

Of the below, Antiviral isn’t one of the four I mentioned – I saw it a few weeks ago. But I feel pretty much the same way about that one too.

Antiviral (2012)

Directed & Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring: Caleb Landry Jones, Sarah Gadon, Douglas Smith, Joe Pingue, Nicholas Campbell, Sheila McCarthy, Wendy Crewson, Malcolm McDowell

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
In a blackly satirical near future, a thriving industry sells celebrity illnesses to their obsessed fans. Employee Syd March’s attempts to exploit the system backfire when they involve him in a potentially deadly mystery.

My Opinion:

Been meaning to check out Brandon Cronenberg as I’m a fan of his dad’s work. Watched Possessor recently but can’t say I was a fan & the violence was too excessive (prefer dad’s freaky body horror). Slightly preferred Antiviral but that’s because it’s too much like his father’s work. I think Possessor is actually the better film as it feels a bit more original instead of like a David Cronenberg copy.

Do like the stories in each film (again, very David Cronenberg). Although both are not exactly groundbreaking, this film understands how crazy society can be when it comes to celebrity obsession. Feels even more relevant now than when this came out in 2012. The execution of the story could have been much better & the movie really dragged in the middle. Took too long to finally get to some body horror goodness at the very end.

My Rating: 6/10

Infinity Pool (2023)

Directed & Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring; Alexander Skarsgård, Mia Goth, Cleopatra Coleman

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film follows a struggling writer and his wife on vacation who, after an accident, discover the country’s dark culture.

My Opinion:

Oh god, it’s Mia Goth being wacky again. I had enough of that with Pearl last week. I’ve had enough of wacky Mia Goth.

I watched this yesterday, after writing the above review of Antiviral. Hmm. Okay, I can’t yet say I’m a fan of Brandon Cronenberg based on the three films I’ve now seen. There’s potential there, but the films really are too similar to his father’s movies. He’s of course going to constantly be compared to him but I can’t say he’s exactly branching out & trying to make something different in order to stop the comparisons.

Like Possessor, this was also too damn violent. I realise I’m watching horror movies & that I like some good old-fashioned, gross-but-cheesy slashers & body horror. But I’ve never liked more realistic violence. Stabbings. Brutal beatings. That kind of thing. No thanks. I can sit through Daddy Cronenberg’s The Fly (many times) but have to look away while watching John Wick. Maybe I’m weird? This wasn’t as “holy shit, violent!” as Titane (which I’m reviewing tomorrow despite not actually looking at the screen for probably the entire first half of that movie – barf). But too much stabby stabby stab stab & punch punch punch in Infinity Pool. Maybe less than Possessor but, still, no thanks.

I did, once again, like the idea for this story. I’ve liked that in all three of Brandon’s films. It’s a shame the execution of the ideas hasn’t been great. Maybe slight spoiler by comparing this to another film from last year but I thought Dual did a better job exploring one of the things that’s a part of this movie. Dual wasn’t very good overall & Infinity Pool is more stylish but at least Dual felt like it had something more to say.

But that’s only a part of Infinity Pool (the more interesting part, despite not being explored at all). The other part is… I don’t know… Is this meant to be another “Rich people suck” movie? Like The Menu & Triangle Of Sadness? Man, I hated Triangle. And I’m getting bored with this theme. We all know they suck. I’m not sure if that’s the message here or not, though. I’m not sure if this movie has a message at all. It felt like style over substance. I didn’t hate it. I’ve not hated any of his work yet. But, despite probably looking the best, for me I found this the weakest film of the three. Disappointing.

I’ll end this on a positive as I’m feeling very negative after seeing too many movies in a row that I thought were either disappointing or terrible. Those freaky masks were great. I always love a freaky mask! Wonder if that goes back to a really good Twilight Zone episode that I’ve always loved. Slipknot knew what they were doing! It’s a good gimmick. Oh, and if you like Eyes Wide Shut you may like this movie as well. It has a similar vibe. And orgies.

But what was up with that nipple?? What the fuck was going on there?!?

My Rating: 6/10

Pearl (2022) & The Pope’s Exorcist (2023) Reviews

Two horror movies today that I didn’t love but everyone else seemed to (well, they loved the first one at least).

Pearl (2022)

Directed by Ti West

Written by Ti West & Mia Goth

Starring: Mia Goth, David Corenswet, Tandi Wright, Matthew Sunderland, Emma Jenkins-Purro, Alistair Sewell

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A prequel to X (2022) and the second installment in the X film series, it serves as an origin story for the title villain, whose fervent aspiration to become a movie star led her to committing violent acts on her family’s Texas homestead in 1918.

My Opinion:

Hmm. Mixed feelings on this. Well, I know I didn’t like it. But I found it interesting & I always prefer interesting to boring! So I do appreciate that. But I also thought it was kind of terrible & I’m not as into “Mia Goth is being wacky again” as everyone else seems to be. At least it wasn’t as boring as X, I guess. Hell, I can’t even remember what happened in X but I know I’ll remember Pearl.

One thing I did like was how bright & colorful this movie was. I’m getting a bit sick of horror movies thinking they need to be dark as hell to set the mood or whatever but then you can’t see a damn thing that’s happening. I was a bit thrown out of the story, though, as it never once felt like it was actually 1918. I really liked the character of the sister-in-law for some reason & the woman playing the mother was good (as was the father despite having no lines – I really felt absolutely heartbroken for him!).

But Pearl just annoyed me. I mean, I know she’s a sociopath and all that, but… I just didn’t “enjoy” the craziness in this one. I love crazy characters like Piper Laurie in Carrie & Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction & Kathy Bates in Misery. Who doesn’t like a good movie psychopath?? So not actually sure what it is about Pearl that rubbed me up the wrong way. I thought maybe it was because, despite there actually being something there that could almost make you feel a tiny bit sorry for her, they decided to just make her a complete & total psychopath. But there are plenty of favorite movie characters who are like that as well. I think maybe I was just too affected by the treatment of the father. It could be that. I don’t know. Also, as I said, I think I’m just not a Mia Goth fan. Yes, she’s clearly having loads of fun in this role & she gives it her all. And the end credits were a good idea – I thought that worked well. But I think we’re beyond being shocked by anything she might do. When it came to the scarecrow fucking I was just “Yep, seems par for the course”.

I don’t know. It’s an interesting film, yes. But does that make it a good film? Extra points for originality, for sure. I don’t know why but I always watch Ti West’s films even though I’ve never loved one. So there must be something I’m finding intriguing about them? I may be in the minority in liking some of his older stuff more than X & Pearl (The House Of The Devil is still my favorite & I quite liked The Innkeepers, although I wouldn’t personally call them “good” films either). I know I’ll watch whatever else he makes, including the final one in this series, but I think it’s very likely I’ll feel exactly the same way once again: Disappointed & wishing I could love his movies as much as other bloggers seem to.

My Rating: 6.5/10

The Pope’s Exorcist (2023)

Directed by Julius Avery

Based on An Exorcist Tells His Story and An Exorcist: More Stories by Father Gabriele Amorth

Starring: Russell Crowe, Daniel Zovatto, Alex Essoe, Franco Nero

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Follow Gabriele Amorth, the Vatican’s leading exorcist, as he investigates the possession of a child and uncovers a conspiracy the Vatican has tried to keep secret.

My Opinion:

This was a weird one. Russell Crowe was great! The movie was not. Never exactly been a Crowe fan but in recent movies I’ve found him very impressive & with a presence that really elevated mediocre films. Despite this being a bad example of the many exorcism films, I’d totally watch a series of them with Crowe as this character in the hope that one of them would be good.

I think the issue is that this one became so ridiculous at the end that it was laughable. It didn’t work. You had Crowe acting his ass off while this turned into schlocky horror. The character development of the family was atrocious, too – we didn’t get to know them at all before the possession. And “demon voice coming out of kid’s mouth” is hard to get right as that’s often going to look cheesy. This movie didn’t get that right. Very disappointing after a strong opening scene. That was a better exorcism! I did like all the underground stuff & some of that was nice & creepy (until it turned ridiculous). I think this could’ve been great if they’d taken a more serious approach to this subject instead of turning it into schlocky horror, as Crowe was so good in this role. 

I actually do want them to make these a series, like with The Conjuring films. Maybe they can get it right next time!

My Rating: 6/10

Summer Of 84 (2018), The Boogeyman (2023) & Haunted Mansion (2023) Reviews

One I liked a lot today, one I thought was perfectly fine, and one that was family-friendly.

Summer Of 84 (2018)

Directed by François Simard, Anouk Whissell & Yoann-Karl Whissell

Starring: Graham Verchere, Judah Lewis, Caleb Emery, Cory Gruter-Andrew, Tiera Skovbye, Rich Sommer

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
After suspecting that their police officer neighbor is a serial killer, a group of teenage friends spend their summer spying on him and gathering evidence, but as they get closer to discovering the truth, things get dangerous.

My Opinion:

Watched this immediately when I saw it’s from the directors of Turbo Kid. This isn’t as fun as that one but both later grew on me a lot. I think I just found the end of this so jarring that I didn’t know what to make of it but, later, decided it’s great that something took me by surprise for a change. It’s not perfect. It’s too slow & is hurt by Stranger Things comparisons but it still felt refreshingly different to me. 

I can’t explain why but Stranger Things has a “trying too hard” vibe for me that I didn’t get from this movie, despite both trying to convince us of their ‘80s settings. I can certainly see the comparisons, though, with both having groups of likeable teenage ‘80s kids fighting against something evil. I’m not big on Stranger Things – I think I prefer Summer Of 84. I’d say Stranger Things is better is on character development, which was a bit weak in Summer Of 84. Oh, and I found the acting a little dodgy, which isn’t something I often notice. Plus the dialogue was a little… clunky? Strangers Things feels more polished but I’ve thought more about this movie since it ended than I ever did about that show.

This is a movie I think I’m wanting to love, as that ending really did elevate things. I wish the rest of the movie had lived up to that as, overall, this had the potential to be great. Can see it possibly becoming a cult favorite, though? Kind of like Turbo Kid. Is that a cult hit? Both of them should be. I think it would be deserved, as I do think Summer Of 84 has something unique about it despite it seeming very similar to other things in this genre on the surface. These directors certainly have potential. I’m curious about their other work now…

My Rating: 7.5/10

The Boogeyman (2023)

Directed by Rob Savage

Based on “The Boogeyman” by Stephen King

Starring: Sophie Thatcher, Chris Messina, Vivien Lyra Blair, David Dastmalchian

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Still reeling from the tragic death of their mother, a teenage girl and her younger sister find themselves plagued by a sadistic presence in their house and struggle to get their grieving father to pay attention before it’s too late.

My Opinion:

Enjoyed this, but I’m always forgiving when it comes to Stephen King adaptations. As it’s a short story, I thought they fleshed this out well. I liked the sisters & their relationship. Can’t say it’s something we haven’t seen before but it had decent characters & an effectively creepy villain, which is more than can be said for a lot of horror. Some good imagery & I loved the use of that light-up ball. I want one!

My Rating: 7/10

Haunted Mansion (2023)

Directed by Justin Simien

Based on The Haunted Mansion by Walt Disney

Starring: LaKeith Stanfield, Tiffany Haddish, Owen Wilson, Danny DeVito, Rosario Dawson, Dan Levy, Jamie Lee Curtis, Jared Leto

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
In the film, Gabbie (Dawson) and Travis (Chase W. Dillon) enlist the aid of a team (Stanfield, Haddish, Wilson, and DeVito) to help exorcise the ghosts around them.

My Opinion:

I appreciate family-friendly Halloween movies. There are better ones but this was enjoyable enough with likeable characters. I saw the Eddie Murphy one just two years ago & barely remember it so think I prefer this one. But also think I’ll forget this one in two years too… Oh, it’s way too dark & drab-looking, though. Did it have to look so dull just to set the mood? And I kept picturing Ahsoka! (Not a bad thing)

My Rating: 6/10

Evil Dead (2013) & Evil Dead Rise (2023) Reviews

Happy Almost-Halloween-Week! I’ve watched nothing but horror movies all month, so I’ll try to post reviews before Halloween. Here are the first two that I watched in October.

Evil Dead (2013)

Directed by Fede Álvarez

Based on The Evil Dead by Sam Raimi

Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci, Jessica Lucas, Elizabeth Blackmore

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The story follows a group of five people under attack by deadites in a remote cabin in the woods.

My Opinion:

As a lover of ‘70s & ‘80s horror, I’m in the minority in not loving the Evil Dead films. This was decent for yet another horror reboot etc but, as always, it felt pointless. What’s the point of a humorless & inferior copy? Oh well. Better than most reboots but I’d rather rewatch the original to see if my opinion changes as I do appreciate how unique & much more entertaining it was than this (admittedly not-too-bad) copy.

My Rating: 6/10

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

Directed & Written by Lee Cronin

Based on Characters by Sam Raimi

Starring: Lily Sullivan, Alyssa Sutherland, Morgan Davies, Gabrielle Echols, Nell Fisher

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film stars Lily Sullivan and Alyssa Sutherland as two estranged sisters trying to survive and save their family from deadites.

My Opinion:

As I just said in my review of 2013’s Evil Dead, I don’t love the original Evil Dead films despite loving that era of horror & the 2013 film wasn’t awful but felt pointless. I kind of enjoyed this one! Slow at first but I liked that batshit crazy, body horror ending. Silly but fun, more like the original films without just being an inferior copy. This one felt like something a little bit different. I far prefer that.

I don’t think it’s a great film overall as it didn’t really grab me until the end & I still can’t say I’m much of an Evil Dead fan. The original three films are still certainly the best & I appreciate how unique they are. But at least Evil Dead Rise didn’t feel like a waste of time like the 2013 film & I had a lot more fun than I did with that one. I also thought the characters were pretty decent in this one (as far as horror movie characters go). Really liked the focus being on a loving mother and her children & the sister was a strong character.

Do feel like this movie will fade from my memory but that great  Color Out Of Spaceiness ending won’t.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Cryptozoo, Elemental, My Life As A Courgette & The Monkey King Movie Reviews

Finally! The last of the reviews for what I watched in September! Can move onto October’s horror movies next…

Cryptozoo (2021)

Directed & Written by Dash Shaw

Starring: Lake Bell, Michael Cera, Angeliki Papoulia, Zoe Kazan, Peter Stormare, Grace Zabriskie, Louisa Krause, Thomas Jay Ryan

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Cryptozookeepers try to capture a Baku, a dream-eating hybrid creature of legend, and start wondering if they should display these beasts or keep them hidden and unknown.

My Opinion:

I’m often a fan of bizarre films & this is indeed a weird one. I quite liked it but I can’t explain why so I guess I’ll keep this short! Reminded me a lot of trippy adult animation from the ‘70s, such as Fantastic Planet, so that may be why as I love that era. Feel like I’d give this a higher rating if it actually was from the ‘70s instead of now. Story was average but I liked the animation & inventive animals.

I’ll add several images below so you can see what this one looked like. Trippy, man.

My Rating: 7.5/10

My Life As A Courgette (2016) (French: Ma vie de Courgette)

Directed by Claude Barras

Based on Autobiographie d’une Courgette by Gilles Paris

Starring: Gaspard Schlatter, Sixtine Murat, Paulin Jaccoud

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
After losing his mother, a young boy is sent to an orphanage with other orphans his age where he begins to learn the meaning of trust and true love.

My Opinion:

This was good. Liked its style & liked the kids. Depressing as hell, though. Can’t stand seeing kids abused or abandoned. But it had uplifting moments. I also find it highly amusing that it’s Zucchini in America & Australia (and Letterbxd) & Courgette everywhere else. As it’s a French film, I’ll stick with calling it My Life As A Courgette.

My Rating: 7/10

Elemental (2023)

Directed by Peter Sohn

Starring: Leah Lewis, Mamoudou Athie, Ronnie del Carmen, Shila Ommi, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Catherine O’Hara

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Set in a world inhabited by anthropomorphic elements of nature, the story follows fire element Ember Lumen (Lewis) and water element Wade Ripple (Athie), who spend time together in the city while trying to save a convenience store owned by Ember’s father, Bernie (Del Carmen).

My Opinion:

I miss when Pixar could do no wrong. This was very average. Pixar’s finest have so many much-loved, amazing characters but I haven’t cared about any of them in recent films. Water Boy was annoying & angry Fire Girl was unlikeable. And I don’t even know their names so that says something. Horny Tree Boy was okay. Bring back things like WALL-E, Monsters, Inc & Inside Out, Pixar! Please. I’m begging.

My Rating: 6/10

The Monkey King (2023)

Directed by Anthony Stacchi

Starring: Jimmy O. Yang, Bowen Yang, Jo Koy, BD Wong, Jolie Hoang-Rappaport, Stephanie Hsu

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Inspired by an epic Chinese tale, translated into an action-packed comedy, a Monkey and his magical fighting Stick battle demons, dragons, gods and the greatest adversary of all – Monkey’s ego.

My Opinion:

That monkey was an asshole.

Okay, that’s all I wrote on Letterboxd so I’ll add a bit more here. Seriously, though, this monkey was an absolute wanker. I rarely enjoy a film when the main character is just too unlikeable.

Asshole monkey aside, the story was also a mess. Admittedly, I was tired & also annoyed by asshole monkey so I wasn’t paying loads of attention but I didn’t know what the hell was going on. I had to read the entire plot synopsis while in the middle of watching this thing. This is animated entertainment aimed at kids – I don’t want to have to fucking read about it to try to figure out what the hell is going on.

I did read this on Wikipedia: “It is a prequel to the classic Ming dynasty novel, Journey to the West.” Well, shit, I’ve heard of that. Think that’s quite famous? So I don’t want to trash some beloved classic or something just because I have no knowledge of it. It’s probably a great story. Is there an asshole monkey in that?!

I should also add that it reminded me that I went to see Damon Albarn’s & Jamie Hewlett’s stage adaptation, Monkey: Journey to the West (Gorillaz dudes). I had completely forgotten about that! How?! I can’t remember a thing about it. What’s wrong with me?? I certainly don’t remember an asshole monkey in it…

My Rating: 4.5/10

Love At First Sight, Vacation Friends 2, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves & How To Blow Up A Pipeline Reviews

I’m back! But exhausted after posting so many reviews recently. This weekend I hope to catch up on comments & on reading blogs! Have watched very few movies in October so far, so at least I don’t have to go crazy reviewing a million things. But they’ve all been horror, so I might try to review them in time for Halloween.

Here are three 2023 movies I enjoyed. And one 2023 release (in the U.K.) that I didn’t enjoy so much.

Love At First Sight (2023)

Directed by Vanessa Caswill

Based on The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight by Jennifer E. Smith

Starring: Haley Lu Richardson, Ben Hardy, Jameela Jamil, Rob Delaney, Sally Phillips, Dexter Fletcher

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Hadley and Oliver begin to fall for each other on their flight from New York to London. The probability of ever finding each other again seems impossible, but love – and London – may have a way of defying the odds.

My Opinion:

Really enjoyed this, but I’ve liked Haley Lu Richardson since the excellent Columbus (highly recommend). Sweet story, good chemistry between couple & I always like American/British romance as that’s my own situation. Jameela Jamil’s appearances were cheesy – just narrating would’ve been better. But still my favorite 2023 rom-com-dram.

My Rating: 7.5/10

Vacation Friends 2 (2023)

Directed & Written by Clay Tarver

Starring: Lil Rel Howery, Yvonne Orji, John Cena, Meredith Hagner, Steve Buscemi, Ronny Chieng, Jamie Hector

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A couple who meets up with another couple while on vacation in Mexico sees their friendship take an awkward turn when they get back home.

My Opinion:

Okay, sorry, I found both of these movies pretty damn funny? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve found nothing truly hilarious since like 1992 & most modern comedy is awful but these two made me laugh. John Cena & Meredith Hagner are great as the outrageous couple while Lil Rel Howery & Yvonne Orji work so perfectly as the normal couple putting up with their crazy shit. PLUS, this one has Steve Buscemi! I adore Buscemi and he’s brilliant here as always. He does comedy so well. Love him.

Enjoyed this. Think I originally gave this half a point less than I might have after seeing its low rating. Screw that – I’m putting it back to 7. It’s fun & the actors are perfect in these roles. Plus… BUSCEMI!

My Rating: 7/10

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Directed by Jonathan Goldstein & John Francis Daley

Based on Dungeons & Dragons by Hasbro

Starring: Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Regé-Jean Page, Justice Smith, Sophia Lillis, Hugh Grant

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A charming thief and a band of unlikely adventurers embark on an epic quest to retrieve a lost relic, but things go dangerously awry when they run afoul of the wrong people.

My Opinion:

The rating for this on Letterboxd is a bit too high but it was good fun & better than I think anyone was expecting. It’s so rare to get a good family-friendly adventure comedy now that everyone is extra enthusiastic when we do (we had movies like this constantly in the ‘80s). Great characters & everyone seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, especially Grant & Pine.

Speaking of the ‘80s, it made me remember that I loved the Dungeons & Dragons Saturday morning cartoon. Anyone else watch that?! I’d love to see it again. Wonder if it would stand the test of time…

My Rating: 7/10

How To Blow Up A Pipeline (2022)

Directed by Daniel Goldhaber

Based on How to Blow Up a Pipeline by Andreas Malm

Starring: Ariela Barer, Kristine Froseth, Lukas Gage, Forrest Goodluck, Sasha Lane, Jayme Lawson, Marcus Scribner, Jake Weary, Irene Bedard

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
It relies on ideas advanced in Andreas Malm’s 2021 book of the same name, published by Verso Books. Malm’s nonfiction work examines the history of social justice movements and argues for property destruction as a valid tactic in the pursuit of environmental justice.

My Opinion:

This was okay? I didn’t care about anyone except maybe the girl who was dying & her girlfriend & childhood friend. Everyone else was annoying as hell. And why did that dude keep spitting all the time? Why do dudes spit? Anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah. This movie. I just didn’t care. Story okay but godawful character development. Which is bad when each one got focused on separately.

My Rating: 6/10

Drive My Car, Decision To Leave & Tár Movie Reviews

Three worthy films today. Two were fine but I wasn’t really feeling the other one…

Drive My Car (2021) (Japanese: ドライブ・マイ・カー)

Directed by Ryusuke Hamaguchi

Based on “Drive My Car” by Haruki Murakami

Starring: Hidetoshi Nishijima, Tōko Miura, Reika Kirishima, Park Yu-rim, Jin Dae-yeon, Sonia Yuan, Ahn Hwitae, Perry Dizon, Satoko Abe, Masaki Okada

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
It follows a theatre director (played by Hidetoshi Nishijima), who directs a multilingual production of Uncle Vanya while dealing with the death of his wife (Reika Kirishima).

My Opinion:

Really good film that I liked but didn’t love the way I was hoping. Think I just didn’t fully connect with any of the characters, although I did like them (especially the woman who drives the car, the woman performing via sign language, and that woman’s husband). Some lovely scenes & great performances. Enjoyed the play & the rehearsals as well. The film just felt a bit too long.

My Rating: 7/10

Decision To Leave (2022) (Korean: 헤어질 결심)

Directed by Park Chan-wook

Starring: Tang Wei, Park Hae-il

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The story follows a married detective who, while investigating a man’s death, meets and falls for the man’s now-widowed wife, who is a suspect in her husband’s death.

My Opinion:

A good & visually stunning film, as to be expected from Park Chan-wook. Liked the story but didn’t buy into the romance or characters much. His characters do often leave me cold, though. Certainly not as brutal as some of his other films but also, I think, not as memorable. Worth a watch as I think he’s a very talented director but I have yet to love one of his films (The Handmaiden comes close).

My Rating: 7/10

Tár (2022)

Directed & Written by Todd Field

Starring: Cate Blanchett, Noémie Merlant, Nina Hoss, Sophie Kauer, Julian Glover, Allan Corduner, Mark Strong

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Set in the international world of Western classical music, the film centers on Lydia Tár, widely considered one of the greatest living composer-conductors and the very first female director of a major German orchestra.

My Opinion:

This was okay but I was bored. To be fair, it’s not the type of film I go for. Why would I want to watch someone being an asshole for over two and a half hours? Actually, I found this character kind of likeable at first. Maybe I’m an asshole too?? Cate Blanchett was very good, of course, but she always is so I can’t say that was a surprise. Meh.

I suppose it made me think of Whiplash, but that film worked & was far more riveting. I think it just may be that I didn’t care about anyone in Tár (except the daughter). Yes, a strong performance from Blanchett but pretty poor character development for everyone, including her. Which is bad considering how damn long the film was.

My Rating: 6/10

Antichrist (2009), High Life (2018) & How To Get Ahead In Advertising (1989) Reviews

Three kind of fucked-up films today…

Antichrist (2009)

Directed & Written by Lars von Trier

Starring: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
It tells the story of a couple who, after the accidental death of their son, retreat to a cabin in the woods where the man experiences strange visions and the woman manifests increasingly violent sexual behavior and sadomasochism.

My Opinion:

I’m not sure I’m a Lars von Trier fan but I’ve watched quite a few of his films as I find them interesting. Like some, hate some, but never forget them. Didn’t see the point of this. The opening & dreamlike sequences were good but the end felt like nothing more than shock value. But I still prefer a memorable film to a boring one. I guess. Maybe with less mutilation…

My Rating: 6.5/10

High Life (2018)

Directed by Claire Denis

Starring: Robert Pattinson, Juliette Binoche, André Benjamin, Mia Goth, Agata Buzek, Lars Eidinger, Claire Tran, Ewan Mitchell, Gloria Obianyo, Victor Banerjee, Scarlette Lindsey, Jessie Ross

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film focuses on a group of criminals sent on a space mission toward a black hole while taking part in scientific experiments.

My Opinion:

The baby was adorable. Everyone else was an asshole. I do love “people stranded in space” movies, because that’s terrifying. This started out pretty good when it was just Pattinson & the baby – it captured their isolation pretty well. Then, meh. I didn’t hate this but didn’t see the point? Just to see a fuck box or whatever they called it? And, seriously, why are people always so horny in movies??

My Rating: 6.5/10

How To Get Ahead In Advertising (1988)

Directed & Written by Bruce Robinson

Starring: Richard E. Grant, Rachel Ward, Richard Wilson

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A cynical advertising exec has a block at work leading to a meltdown. He’s hilariously out of control. Getting a big, talking boil on his shoulder doesn’t help.

My Opinion:

Always wanted to see this because I knew Richard E. Grant had a talking boil on his neck & that fucked-up body horror shit like Basket Case is right up my alley. The talking boil stuff was fun but the rest of this film is kind of a mess. And I apparently missed Sean Bean. Nice seeing Rachel Ward as I’m a big fan of The Thorn Birds (which is so NOT my type of thing usually). I’ll give it an extra half star for the boil.

My Rating: 6/10

Sharper, The Beanie Bubble, You Hurt My Feelings & Red, White & Royal Blue Movie Reviews

Well, shit. I have two months of movie reviews to catch up on. And I went a little crazy as I had Mubi for £1 for one month, so I binged loads of great stuff. 36 movies watched since the 1st of August.

The below four aren’t from Mubi, though. They’re just some mediocre 2023 releases on other streaming services…

Sharper (2023)

Directed by Benjamin Caron

Starring: Julianne Moore, Sebastian Stan, Justice Smith, Briana Middleton, John Lithgow

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Motivations are suspect, and expectations are turned chaos, as a con artist takes on Manhattan billionaires.

My Opinion:

A movie where the actors are better than the film itself. Intriguing story at first as they set up each character really well but it petered out a bit at the end. Justice Smith & Briana Middleton were the true stars & very good together while Julianne Moore & Sebastian Stan were reliable as always. Enjoyable double-crossing story but I think the film will be forgotten.

My Rating: 7/10

The Beanie Bubble (2023)

Directed by Kristin Gore & Damian Kulash Jr.

Based on The Great Beanie Baby Bubble: Mass Delusion and the Dark Side of Cute by Zac Bissonnette

Starring: Zach Galifianakis, Elizabeth Banks, Sarah Snook, Geraldine Viswanathan

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Ty Warner was a frustrated toy salesman until his collaboration with three women grew his idea into the biggest toy craze in history.

My Opinion:

One of those “meh” movies where I struggle to think of anything to say about it & know I’ll forget all about it in a year. I guess the story was fairly interesting & I like Banks & Snook but I didn’t really need to know that the dude who created Beanie Babies was a dickhead.

My Rating: 6/10

You Hurt My Feelings (2023)

Directed & Written by Nicole Holofcener

Starring: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Tobias Menzies, Michaela Watkins, Arian Moayed, Owen Teague, Jeannie Berlin

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A novelist’s longstanding marriage is suddenly upended when she overhears her husband giving his honest reaction to her latest book.

My Opinion:

This was fine but I’m getting pretty bored with all the “fine” straight-to-streaming films. Julia Louis-Dreyfus & Tobias Menzies were a believable married couple, I enjoyed some of the humor, and I liked the relationship with the sister. The gifts were cute as well. But overall this is just another pleasant romcom that I’ll forget in a year.

My Rating: 6/10

Red, White & Royal Blue (2023)

Directed by Matthew Lopez

Based on Red, White & Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston

Starring: Taylor Zakhar Perez, Nicholas Galitzine, Clifton Collins Jr., Sarah Shahi, Rachel Hilson, Stephen Fry, Uma Thurman

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
When the feud between the son of the American President and Britain’s prince threatens to drive a wedge in U.S./British relations, the two are forced into a staged truce that sparks something deeper.

My Opinion:

This was fine but I don’t tend to watch cheesy TV romance movies for a reason as I know they’re not my thing. I thought this would be better than the made-for-TV stuff so I gave it a chance but found it just as cringey (if not more so). An unrealistic story (which is common in romcoms, but it was just too silly) & characters that didn’t feel genuine to me.

The two main actors were lovely, though, and had decent chemistry. I liked seeing Clifton Collins Jr. in a big(ish) role (for him). Thurman’s accent was super distracting. And. Um. I dunno. An inoffensive and sweet film, I guess. But SO bland. Bros was a lot more fun. Maybe I’m just too crude.

Also, I thought I might enjoy this a bit more as an American living in the U.K. and in a British/American relationship. But all the American & British stuff thrown into this felt very cliché.

My Rating: 6/10

The Worst Person In The World (2021), To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018), Cloak & Dagger (1984) Reviews

Three random ones that I watched recently…

The Worst Person In The World (2021) (Norwegian: Verdens verste menneske)

Directed by Joachim Trier

Starring; Renate Reinsve, Anders Danielsen Lie, Herbert Nordrum

Plot Synopsis:
Movie is about a whiny Norwegian Millennial.

My Opinion:

Wanted to love this like everyone else but disliked the self-absorbed main character too much to care what would happen to her. Can see why people could relate, though, as she’s very representative of many people her age. It’s a generation I just can’t relate to anymore & probably why I found the ending with her comic book boyfriend to be the most moving part of the whole film. I’m giving this an extra half a star for his heartbreaking speech toward the end. Can’t believe she visited him & still made so much of the conversation all about her & also a topic that must have been very hurtful. Ugh. You know, I didn’t truly hate her during the movie or think she was “the worst” as she was a quite average current 30-year-old but I’m starting to think she really was the worst.

Guess what? We’re all lost.

My Rating: 6.5/10

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)

Directed by Susan Johnson

Based on To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before by Jenny Han

Starring: Lana Condor, Noah Centineo, Janel Parrish, Anna Cathcart, Andrew Bachelor, Trezzo Mahoro, Madeleine Arthur, Emilija Baranac, Israel Broussard, John Corbett

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A teenage girl’s secret love letters are exposed and wreak havoc on her love life.

My Opinion:

Another movie my daughter likes that she rewatched with me (the other recent one being 20th Century Girl – I liked that one a lot). This was cute. I liked the idea of all her secret love letters being sent to the boys. Can see why teen girls went for this one. Wouldn’t say I really bought into the romance in this, though. There are better YA romances but this was still worth a watch & I’d probably watch the sequels. But I’d recommend 20th Century Girl first.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Cloak & Dagger (1984)

Directed by Richard Franklin

Based on “The Boy Cried Murder” by Cornell Woolrich

Starring: Henry Thomas, Dabney Coleman, Michael Murphy, Christina Nigra

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A young boy and his imaginary friend end up on the run while in possession of a top-secret spy gadget.

My Opinion:

There are very few movies I missed out on while growing up in the ‘80s but I somehow totally missed this one. I’d have liked this if I’d seen it then, although it wouldn’t have been an all-time favorite & it didn’t give me as many warm & fuzzy nostalgia feelings watching it now as I was hoping. Great to see Henry Thomas, though, as E.T. is of course still a favorite. Was hoping for more familiar faces, which is usually the case when watching an ‘80s movie I’ve not seen, but I didn’t recognise anyone besides Thomas & Dabney Coleman. The “spy thriller story for kids” was fun and it really is a shame that they seem to make so few movies like this one for kids these days. We had loads of films like this made specifically for our age group back in the ‘80s.

Did enjoy watching this as I will always watch an ‘80s movie I’ve not seen. Am afraid I’m running out of them…

My Rating: 6/10

Studio Ghibli Mini-Reviews: My Neighbors The Yamadas, Tales From Earthsea, Pom Poko & Earwig And The Witch

It was all over Twitter that the Studio Ghibli movies were gonna disappear from Netflix U.K. at the end of May. Even though I knew I’d already seen all the best ones by far, I’ve still been desperate to watch all the rest for years now as I adore Studio Ghibli. So I watched these remaining four before the 1st of June. The only one I have left to watch, which I want to see the most but have to wait since my family want to see it too, is The Tale of the Princess Kaguya (but luckily I have the DVD).

Well, the Ghibli movies are still on Netflix. Oh well – it got me closer to my goal! 🙂

These four confirm that I had indeed already seen the best. I’ve ranked the four at the bottom of my ranked Ghibli list here on Letterboxd (the only other one at the bottom being Ocean Waves). But one of these was still quite delightful, one was perfectly fine but very forgettable, one had way too many testicles, and one was sadly not worthy of the Ghibli name.

I just want to add that for some stupid reason I completely forgot to mention the coolest thing I’ve done in a very long time back in January. I can’t believe I didn’t mention this in my January roundup post! I’m just not used to doing interesting real-life things that relate to my stupid little movie blog. 🙂 I went to see the live production of My Neighbor Totoro at The Barbican in London. It was absolutely AMAZING. It did the film justice without harming its legacy in any way. The way they represented the soot sprites was so clever and the Totoros they created were perfect. And the Cat Bus! The acting was brilliant as well. They couldn’t have done a better job with such a beloved movie & score. Am happy to see they’ve added more shows now. I’d very highly recommend it to all Studio Ghibli fans. And you almost got a picture of me at it but other people are in all the photos too close to me to cut them out so here’s a photo of the lobby instead. 😉

Now let’s review these rather disappointing Studio Ghibli movies…

My Neighbors The Yamadas (1999) (ホーホケキョとなりの山田くん, Hōhokekyo Tonari no Yamada-kun)

Directed by Isao Takahata

Based on Nono-chan by Hisaichi Ishii

Starring: Hayato Isobata, Masako Araki, Naomi Uno, Touru Masuoka

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
The life and misadventures of a family in contemporary Japan.

My Opinion:

A fun series of vignettes with a delightful & very relatable family. The format reminded me somewhat of the Peanuts skits, which I absolutely adore. It’s certainly not up there with the Hayao Miyazaki Ghiblis (of course) and I’d rank it below most of the non-Miyazaki Ghiblis as well but it’s still worthy of the Ghibli name. It‘s just so different from the style & wonderfully bizarre nature of the Ghibli films I love the most, which is why it won’t ever be a favorite for me personally. But it was a very sweet film & a pleasant watch. 

My Rating: 7/10

Tales From Earthsea (2006) (ゲド戦記)

Directed by Gorō Miyazaki

Based on Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin & Shuna’s Journey by Hayao Miyazaki

Starring: Bunta Sugawara, Junichi Okada, Aoi Teshima, Yūko Tanaka

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
In a mythical land, a man and a young boy investigate a series of unusual occurrences.

My Opinion:

Not one of Studio Ghibli’s best (it’s hard to live up to those) but I can’t quite put my finger on why? It has Ghibli fantasy elements that I like & a Ghibli look. It’s a much more straightforward story & far less “strange” than my favorites, so maybe that’s why it’s less memorable? Seriously – I watched this a week ago & I barely remember it already. That’s not something you can say about their films like Spirited Away, etc. It’s a simple story with fairly unremarkable characters. That warlock was pretty cool, though. And quite terrifying, so this one wouldn’t be for really young kids. He was sort of a scary combination of Howl & of the wizard from Ponyo. Most memorable thing about this film. Oh, and the cool dragons too (which are barely in this).

I still enjoyed this & think it’s a good anime film, just not a great Ghibli film. I’d say it’s most similar to The Great Adventure of Horus, Prince of the Sun, which isn’t a Ghibli film but may as well be as it’s from Isao Takahata & was also worked on by Hayao Miyazaki. I liked that one a bit more. Both are worth watching if you’re a very big Ghibli fan like I am & want to watch them all.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Pom Poko (1994) (平成狸合戦ぽんぽこ, Heisei Tanuki Gassen Ponpoko)

Directed & Written by Isao Takahata

Starring: Kokontei Shinchou, Makoto Nonomura, Yuriko Ishida

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A community of magical shape-shifting raccoon dogs struggle to prevent their forest home from being destroyed by urban development.

My Opinion:

I expected to like this one the most of these four as it looked the most bizarre, which is something I love about Ghibli. But I think it featured just a few too many testicles for my liking.

*Balls*

I did appreciate the weirdness of Pom Poko, although it’s not the beautiful & magical sort of weirdness that I love in the very best Ghiblis. Some of the humor was fun but the story was far darker than I was expecting. Between all the death & all the testicles, it’s certainly not one for the youngest Ghibli fans. And while I normally prefer memorable films to boring ones (and I will certainly never forget Pom Poko), I just wasn’t feeling this one. I’m glad I’ve watched it as I’ve been wanting to see all the Ghibli films but this isn’t one I’ll have any desire to watch again, which is unlike most of the studio’s other films I’ve happily watched multiple times. So I’ve ranked this below the rather bland & forgettable Tales From Earthsea as I liked that story much more & that one felt more like a Ghibli film to me.

Pom Poko was disappointing but, as I said, at least it was memorable. Seriously, though. What was with the testicles?! Okay – those bits were kind of hilarious. I’m giving this an extra half a point just for the balls.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Earwig And The Witch (2020) (アーヤと魔女, Āya to Majo)

Directed by Gorō Miyazaki

Based on Earwig and the Witch by Diana Wynne Jones

Starring: Shinobu Terajima, Etsushi Toyokawa, Gaku Hamada, Kokoro Hirasawa

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
An orphan girl, Earwig, is adopted by a witch and comes home to a spooky house filled with mystery and magic.

My Opinion:

Oh dear. This is indeed the worst Studio Ghibli film. But if the Ghibli name wasn’t attached to it, would we all think it was so bad? It’s certainly not the worst animated film I’ve ever seen. I’d say it’s something along the lines of the weakest films from Illumination or DreamWorks such as Sing or Home. You know, the kind of stuff you’ll happily watch once with your young kids to keep them entertained and then hopefully not have to watch a hundred more times if they then decide that’s their favorite movie. But that’s not what we expect from Studio Ghibli, who have made so many gorgeous & brilliant films that I as well as my daughter adore and have watched many, many times. The animation in Earwig is so ugly by comparison. Unfortunately, the character is also quite unlikeable, which I wasn’t expecting. I think they were trying to make her seem “cheeky” and precocious but she crossed the line into slightly annoying too often. The story is okay, I guess. I like a story about witches but it was hard to be interested when I didn’t care about any of the underdeveloped characters. And I can see why people complain about the ending. It just stops so abruptly. Could we not get a little closure? At least a small explanation? I thought maybe we’d get a “here’s what happened next” as they had some images through the credits but they didn’t fill in enough of the blanks. 

I don’t know. It’s just a very frustrating film. It’s not absolutely terrible. But it’s not Ghibli. In all honesty, I liked it enough that I’d watch a sequel if it promised to continue the story properly. And I thought the band was actually pretty cool. A sequel could focus more on that and maybe include flashbacks with some cool songs? But I think it’s safe to say that a sequel to the most widely hated Ghibli film is extremely unlikely.

My Rating: 6/10
(My score is being very generous)

Halloween Ends (2022) Review

Halloween Ends (2022)

Directed by David Gordon Green

Based on Characters by John Carpenter & Debra Hill

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Andi Matichak, Rohan Campbell, Will Patton, Kyle Richards, James Jude Courtney

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The plot follows Corey Cunningham, a young man who falls in love with Laurie Strode’s granddaughter while a series of events, including crossing paths with Michael Myers, render him a murderous outcast.

My Opinion:

I’m not a massive Halloween series fan, although I’ve watched them all other than Resurrection & the second Rob Zombie one as I’d suffered enough through his first piece of shit (I’m an Elm Street girl). I do think the 1978 Halloween is a horror classic, with one of the all-time best music themes, but I could live without the rest. Well, the second film is okay. Having said that, I thought Halloween Ends wasn’t terrible? It’s still a pretty rubbish horror film just like all the other Halloween sequels but it’s certainly not the worst in this entire series.

Of this specific trilogy, I think the first film is actually quite good & the best by FAR but I liked Ends more than Kills. At least it tried something different? But I’m guessing that hardcore Halloween fans weren’t fond of this one? Hell, Michael Myers is barely even in it! But that’s fine with me since I think he’s kind of a shit villain anyway. He’s boring. So I liked what they tried to do with the character of Corey (even though he was annoying). And the opening scene was good. 

But I’ll still forget this film a year from now, the way I barely even remember Kills now. It just didn’t feel like much actually happened in this film. It was very anticlimactic. And it’s nice that Laurie Strode is baking pumpkin pies & talking about cherry blossoms & shit but that was also pretty silly. Meh. Whatever. To be honest, I don’t know how I’d except them to “end” these films. Would like to think Strode could indeed get a happy ending at least. But you know they’ll make more of these fucking movies…

I reviewed Halloween 1 through 6 here for Halloween a couple of years ago. Definitely like “The Loomis Timeline” (or whatever they call each of these) the most. Too bad these three David Gordon Green films didn’t go well after a strong start in 2018.

My Rating: 6/10

Rye Lane (2023), The Mother (2023) & Peter Pan & Wendy (2023) Reviews

These 2023 films were fine. Okay. Meh. Nothing to write home about. Blah. I’m so bored with “fine”. Liked The Mother the most out of these.

The Mother (2023)

Directed by Niki Caro

Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Joseph Fiennes, Lucy Paez, Omari Hardwick, Paul Raci, Gael García Bernal

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
While fleeing from dangerous assailants, an assassin comes out of hiding to protect her daughter she left earlier in life.

My Opinion:

This was fine. Love “protective kick-ass mother” movies so watched this to see the mother/daughter scenes more than the action. The story & the action were okay but preferred watching Lopez with the daughter & having to make heartbreaking decisions to do whatever it takes to protect her.

I think Lopez deserves more credit, as she’s proven she can easily do something like this just as well as comedy & romance. She’s been in some decent films but let’s get her into even better ones. Have really liked her in all her recent straight-to-streaming films (this, Shotgun Wedding & Marry Me). She was the best thing about all of them and made them worth watching.

Oh, I should add that I liked the music used in this movie: Massive Attack, Kate Bush & Grimes (yes I like Grimes).

My Rating: 6/10

Peter Pan & Wendy (2023)

Directed by David Lowery

Based on Walt Disney’s Peter Pan Peter and Wendy by J. M. Barrie

Starring: Jude Law, Alexander Molony, Ever Anderson, Yara Shahidi, Alyssa Wapanatâhk, Joshua Pickering, Jacobi Jupe, Molly Parker, Alan Tudyk, Jim Gaffigan

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The story follows Peter Pan and Wendy, who go to the magical world of Neverland with Wendy’s brothers and Peter’s best friend Tinker Bell. Along the way, Wendy embarks on the adventure that will change her life and encounters Peter’s archenemy Captain Hook.

My Opinion:

This was also… Fine?

There’s nothing really wrong with this adaptation so I don’t see why it’s getting such bad reviews. There have been far worse live action Disney films (Hello, Tom Hanks Pinocchio?!). But, meh. This has never been one of my favorite stories anyway. Are we supposed to grow up or not?! The acting from the kids was a little dodgy but I liked Tinker Bell not being a total bitch.

My Rating: 6/10

Rye Lane (2023)

Directed by Raine Allen-Miller

Starring: David Jonsson, Vivian Oparah

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
It stars David Jonsson and Vivian Oparah as two strangers who have a chance encounter, after having both been through recent breakups, and spend the day getting to know each other.

My Opinion:

Liked the couple, enjoyed the London setting, love A Tribe Called Quest, was a little bored by the story. A pleasant enough film – I think I’m just finding it difficult to relate to twentysomethings these days. Fun cameo.

But, again… Just “fine”.

My Rating: 6/10

I’m Your Man (2021), John And The Hole (2021) & 20th Century Girl (2022) Reviews

Three quickies today. These weren’t too bad…

I’m Your Man (2021) (German: Ich bin dein Mensch)

Directed by Maria Schrader

Starring: Maren Eggert, Dan Stevens, Sandra Hüller, Hans Löw, Wolfgang Hübsch, Annika Meier, Falilou Seck, Jürgen Tarrach, Henriette Richter-Röhl, Monika Oschek

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
In order to obtain research funds for her studies, a scientist accepts an offer to participate in an extraordinary experiment: for three weeks, she is to live with a humanoid robot, created to make her happy.

My Opinion:

Always love sci-fi films exploring AI & its dangers & what it means to be human. I’ll always watch this subgenre although it’s been done so much that the ideas have pretty much all been explored in previous films already.

I’d say this one brings something fairly new to the table, though, in really focusing on if we could have a truly meaningful relationship with a robot specifically built to be our ideal mate in every way. It’s certainly something to think about. So I could have a Chris Hemsworth-looking robot that pretends to be madly in love with me & caters to my every need?! Hmm. Several years ago I’d have gone “No thanks!” (I’ve seen The Terminator way too many times) but the human race is pissing me off so damn much lately that I’m thinking, you know, “Mayyyyyybe?”…

My Rating: 7.5/10

20th Century Girl (2022) (Korean: 20세기 소녀)

Directed & Written by Bang Woo-ri

Starring: Kim Yoo-jung, Byeon Woo-seok, Park Jung-woo, Roh Yoon-seo

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A South Korean film that depicts the friendship and freshness of first love against the backdrop of 1999.

My Opinion:

My daughter really likes this South Korean romance drama & has watched it several times. Was so happy when she actually asked me to watch it with her! If you like overly dramatic teen romances, this one is well worth a watch. Very likeable characters & a good story. Will be shocked if they don’t do an annoyingly pointless American remake. If they do, watch the original instead.

But, man – these teens really need to learn how to communicate. Would have stopped so many misunderstandings in this. And those girls were soooo dramatic. That was cute, though. It’s a sweet film.

My Rating: 7/10

John And The Hole (2021)

Directed by Pascual Sisto

Based on El Pozo by Nicolás Giacobone

Starring: Charlie Shotwell, Michael C. Hall, Jennifer Ehle, Taissa Farmiga

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film revolves around a boy who discovers an unfinished bunker in the neighboring woods of his home.

My Opinion:

Was intrigued despite the bad reviews as I wanted to know why a boy stuck his family down a hole. Unfortunately, when the film ended, I still wanted to know why a boy stuck his family down a hole.

Didn’t hate this movie, though, and still liked the idea. Just don’t go into it expecting an explanation. Do wonder if it has a deeper meaning that I missed. And I think it may be trying to say something about how much it sucks to be an adult? But it also might just be a movie about a boy who stuck his family down a hole.

My Rating: 6/10

The Super Mario Bros. Movie, Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre, We Have A Ghost & Murder Mystery 2 Reviews

Four 2023 movies today. One I even saw in the cinema! It was okay but very kiddie. One straight-to-streaming was decent & the other two were meh…

The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

Directed by Aaron Horvath & Michael Jelenic

Based on Mario by Nintendo

Starring: Chris Pratt, Anya Taylor-Joy, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Keegan-Michael Key, Seth Rogen, Fred Armisen

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film features an origin story for the brothers Mario and Luigi, two Italian-American plumbers who are transported to an alternate world and become entangled in a battle between the Mushroom Kingdom, led by Princess Peach, and the Koopas, led by Bowser.

My Opinion:

This was cute. It’s aimed very young (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m an old fart of the Space Invaders generation & never been into games (except Duke Nukem, Myst & Plants Vs Zombies – what a dork). So I don’t know much about Mario etc & wasn’t going to get the same level of nostalgic enjoyment out of this. I’m sure little kids love it, though, and the characters were fun even though I only knew some of them. I adore Jack Black so he was my favorite thing about this (and I can’t get that Peaches song out of my head). The story is simple but, hey, it’s for kids. Cute & inoffensive entertainment for the family with probably just enough to keep the older Mario fans in the audience happy as well.

Oh! I should add that I loved that adorable little blue flame dude of doom as well. Blue flame dude & Jack Black rule this movie.

My Rating: 6/10

Operation Fortune: Ruse de Guerre (2023)

Directed by Guy Ritchie

Starring: Jason Statham, Aubrey Plaza, Josh Hartnett, Cary Elwes, Bugzy Malone, Hugh Grant

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film is about a spy, Orson Fortune (Statham), who must retrieve a stolen high-tech device before an arms dealer (Grant) can sell it to the highest bidder.

My Opinion:

A bit confused by the really bad reviews as I thought this was quite fun. Admittedly, it’s not my favorite genre & I do prefer when these types of stories are more lightweight like this. Maybe people were disappointed by a little less in-your-face action than usual but I can live without excessive action scenes. This wasn’t as good as Ritchie’s recent The Gentlemen but I in some ways preferred that this one was more subtle. Shockingly, Hugh Grant was great in both films – this type of role really suits him. And Aubrey Plaza is finally growing on me – Plaza & Grant were the best things about this. Jason Statham was tolerable as well (though could be easily replaced by any action dude). Also liked seeing Cary “As You Wish” Elwes and Josh Hartnett did well as a famous Tom Cruise-y movie star. The story, which I don’t ever give the tiniest shit about in these sort of action movies anyway, was decent enough for this kind of thing. Why all the hate? It’s one of the better straight-to-streaming films I’ve seen in a while.

My Rating: 6.5/10

We Have A Ghost (2023)

Directed by Christopher Landon

Based on “Ernest” by Geoff Manaugh

Starring: David Harbour, Jahi Winston, Anthony Mackie

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Finding a ghost named Ernest haunting their new home turns Kevin’s family into overnight social media sensations. But when Kevin and Ernest investigate the mystery of Ernest’s past, they become a target of the CIA.

My Opinion:

This was slightly better than I was expecting. A likeable family, a simple but enjoyable mystery, and Jennifer Coolidge (who I’d happily watch in anything). A shame it’s longer than it needs to be thanks to an unnecessary government agency plot. But I thought the ending was quite lovely. Felt a little choked up!

My Rating: 6.5/10

I can’t for the life of me find a poster for this movie…

Murder Mystery 2 (2023)

Directed by Jeremy Garelick

Starring: Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston, Mark Strong, Mélanie Laurent, Jodie Turner-Smith, John Kani

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Full-time detectives Nick and Audrey are struggling to get their private eye agency off the ground. They find themselves at the center of international abduction when their friend Maharaja, is kidnapped at his own lavish wedding.

My Opinion:

This was fine – not the best Adam Sandler comedy but certainly not the worst. Sandler doesn’t have the same magic with Aniston as he does with Drew Barrymore but they still have decent chemistry & Aniston seemed to be having fun with this. Not gonna lie, I’ll completely forget this one in a year (just like I don’t remember the first film). It’s a safe, inoffensive Sandler comedy. Worth watching if you like Sandler (I do) but you’re probably not going to watch this if you’re one of his haters anyway.

My Rating: 6/10

Minions: The Rise Of Gru (2022), Black Bear (2020) & Bullet Train (2022) Reviews

Three mega short reviews today. Also pretty pointless reviews as I slept through half of two of these. 🙂

Minions: The Rise Of Gru (2022)

Directed by Kyle Balda

Starring: Steve Carell, Pierre Coffin, Taraji P. Henson, Lucy Lawless, Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Julie Andrews, Alan Arkin, Michelle Yeoh

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
In the film, an eleven-year-old Gru plans to become a supervillain with the help of his Minions, which leads to a showdown with a malevolent team, the Vicious 6.

My Opinion:

Not ashamed to admit that I like minions. Those little dudes are fun. But, man, this movie wasn’t very good. I’m a big fan of Despicable Me and think that first film has a lot of heart & is surprisingly as good as some of the Pixar & Disney stuff. But the sequels and now especially these Minions movies are missing what made the first film so great, which was Gru’s growing relationship with those three girls. Minions are still lots of goofy fun but I’m missing the heart of Despicable Me. 

Also, I have to admit that I fell asleep for a while in the middle of this but it’s very unlikely I’ll bother to catch up on the bits I missed. Which isn’t saying much as I always try to finish a movie I’ve started.

*Wait… My beloved Jean-Claude Van Damme was in this?! I really must stop sleeping through movies…

My Rating: 6/10

Black Bear (2020)

Directed & Written by Lawrence Michael Levine

Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Christopher Abbott, Sarah Gadon, Paola Lázaro, Grantham Coleman

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A filmmaker at a creative impasse seeks solace from her tumultuous past at a rural retreat, only to find that the woods summon her inner demons in intense and surprising ways.

My Opinion:

This started out promising. Atmospheric with an unsettling feel that I appreciated. Liked the first half of the film far more than the second half, though, which really dragged despite a good performance from Aubrey Plaza. Not a bad film, just a “what was the point?” film. Worth watching for Plaza, who is hit or miss for me, but I’d lost interest by the end.

My Rating: 6/10

Bullet Train (2022)

Directed by David Leitch

Starring: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A. Martínez Ocasio, Sandra Bullock

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Bullet Train stars Brad Pitt as an operative who must battle killers while riding a bullet train.

My Opinion:

I fell asleep. I don’t know why I wasn’t feeling this one as there’s certainly plenty of action & I like Brad Pitt & I thought Aaron Taylor-Johnson was good. But I had no clue WTF was going on, not that it mattered as I don’t think the “plot” was important. Think it was just trying too hard to be cool & not living up to Tarantino, John Wick, etc. I’ll attempt to finish it sometime but unlikely my rating will change.

*Wait… Michael Shannon & Sandra Bullock were in this?! I really must stop sleeping through movies…

My Rating: 6/10

Fall (2022), The Black Phone (2021), Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) & Come True (2020) Reviews

Four quickies today! One movie I thoroughly enjoyed, one I found disappointing, one full of the most annoying & hateful twats imaginable, and one that was sadly not very good despite the poster & plot synopsis sounding intriguing.

Fall (2022)

Directed by Scott Mann

Starring: Grace Caroline Currey, Virginia Gardner, Mason Gooding, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Darrell Dennis

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film is about two women who climb a 2,000 foot (610 m) tall radio tower and become stranded at the top. Dumb bitches! (that dumb bitches part isn’t via Wikipedia – that’s via Me)

My Opinion:

This was so dumb and so cheesy and so predictable and I enjoyed it so much more than the vast majority of films I’ve watched in the past year. It was exactly what I was expecting & wanting and you can guarantee I’ll watch the sequel just announced. I have an intense fear of heights so knew I wouldn’t be watching this in the cinema but that I’d watch it on a little screen the second it showed up on services. I do love “how the hell are they gonna get out of this crazy predicament” films. Is there a name for this genre of film?! We need more of them. I want more. Any recommendations for similar films? I’ll watch them all!

Oh. And I just wanted to add that I LOVE Converse & have had a pair in most every color but I fell on my ass on some slightly slippery cobblestones once because Converse are slippery as fuck. Are they really the shoe of choice for expert climbers?! I’m guessing not. But what do I know? Other than the fact that climbing up a tower like this is probably not a good idea, of course.

My Rating: 7.5/10 (I enjoyed this so much I was tempted to give it an 8/10 but it’s not a “good” enough film for an 8)

The Black Phone (2021)

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Based on “The Black Phone” by Joe Hill

Starring: Ethan Hawke, Mason Thames, Madeleine McGraw, Jeremy Davies, James Ransone

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
In the film, an abducted teenager (Thames) uses a mysterious telephone to communicate with the previous victims of his deranged captor (Hawke).

My Opinion:

Been desperate to see this as I’m a big fan of Joe Hill (and his father Stephen King, of course). Was disappointed with this film. While there were some things I really appreciated, such as the great performances from the two main child stars (Mason Thames & Madeleine McGraw – will be on the lookout for them in future projects), the film was just too slow & quite dull considering I thought it was a simple yet brilliant story. It was too obvious that it was a short story stretched into a film. Thought Ethan Hawke was effectively creepy & liked the mask.

The film just didn’t quite work and I can’t figure out exactly why as there are some great elements to it plus I always love a ‘70s or ‘80s setting. As I like the story a lot & was impressed by the performances it was certainly worth the watch. My expectations were maybe just too high as I was hoping to love this.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022)

Directed by Halina Reijn

Starring: Amandla Stenberg, Maria Bakalova, Myha’la Herrold, Chase Sui Wonders, Rachel Sennott, Lee Pace, Pete Davidson

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
When a group of rich 20-somethings plan a hurricane party at a remote family mansion, a party game turns deadly in this fresh and funny look at backstabbing, fake friends, and one party gone very, very wrong.

My Opinion:

Mixed feelings on this. Admit I expected to hate it as I’d heard that the characters were hateful (and, my god, they sure as shit are) and I can’t stand movies filled with nothing but annoying assholes. But that sometimes works for horror as we get to see the fuckers die, right?

I did hate this at first but it kind of grew on me as the death toll mounted and I did really like how it ended. Plus I like shit that glows in the dark. So I initially gave this half a point more but then changed it back after thinking about the movie a bit more. Because, I’m sorry, these assholes were just far too annoying. There’s not a chance in hell that I’d ever sit through this movie a second time. Entertaining enough for a one-off watch, though, and as I said I appreciated its ending. And I did think Maria Bakalova was pretty good. I’ve just come to the conclusion that I’m finally too old for this shit.

My Rating: 6/10

Come True (2020)

Directed by Anthony Scott Burns

Starring: Julia Sarah Stone, Landon Liboiron

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film plot follows a teenage runaway who takes part in a sleep study that becomes a nightmarish descent into the depths of her mind and a frightening examination of the power of dreams.

My Opinion:

I love a good obscure sci-fi film with an interesting concept so this sounded right up my alley. Plus the poster was cool. Soon realised that the “slow burn” mentioned in so many reviews was due to nothing happening until the very end. Which can be okay sometimes if that ending is amazing but this one was a let down. Sort of felt like this would’ve been better as a short film as it had a good look & mood but not enough story. But I appreciate that films like this get made and I think this one shows some promise. Am sure it has some fans even though it didn’t really work for me.

I watch a lot of movies like this and sometimes find an absolute gem. This reminded me of a great obscure sci-fi film that did work for me that I’m always recommending & that absolutely no one I know has watched. If you like this kind of thing, check out The Frame (2014).

My Rating: 5.5/10

Barbarian (2022) Review

I wanted to end the year with two 2022 horror movies I found interesting. I reviewed Men yesterday & today is a film a lot of people raved over & I really didn’t want to be disappointed…

Barbarian (2022)

Directed & Written by Zach Cregger

Starring: Georgina Campbell, Bill Skarsgård, Justin Long

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The plot sees a woman find out that the rental house she reserved has been accidentally double-booked with a man, while not knowing of a dark secret within the dwelling.

My Opinion:

Damn. Another big 2022 disappointment. This was an odd one. I wanted to love it as I liked the look of that cool red poster, it sounded like it would be the weird & unpredictable sort of horror I love, and Bill Skarsgård is my new favorite Skarsgård.

The film started out great. It was unsettling & I was intrigued as to what might be going on plus Georgina Campbell & Bill Skarsgård were both really good in this. I liked it a lot & was really digging its vibe. And then Justin Long’s annoying character showed up & the entire thing went completely off the rails until that absolute train wreck of an ending. 

I’m struggling with what to rate this one as I’m honestly not sure if I absolutely hated this movie or if I actually kind of liked it for indeed being slightly weird & unpredictable. I’m always complaining that too many horror movies are boring & unoriginal so I have to give this one credit for being a bit different. But it really feels like two or three movies spliced up & stuck together and I so wish the whole film had managed to live up to its start. At the very least, I’ll say I’d certainly watch another movie from Zach Cregger as I’d be interested to see what else he has to offer.

My Rating: 6/10

The Forever Purge (2021) & No Exit (2022) Reviews

Here’s a two for one! And to think I was going to spend this week reviewing Oscar nominees. Screw that – I have no time for movie award shows that have no time to spend on presenting awards to everyone involved in the filmmaking process. So here are two movies definitely not nominated for any Oscars…

The Forever Purge (2021)

Directed by Everardo Gout

Starring: Ana de la Reguera, Tenoch Huerta, Josh Lucas, Cassidy Freeman, Leven Rambin, Will Patton

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film follows a group of people who attempt to escape from the United States after an insurrectionist movement continues committing crimes and murders nationwide after the Purge’s ending.

My Opinion:

Here’s my ranking of all of The Purge films:

The Purge – 7.5/10
The Purge: Election Year – 7.5/10
The Purge: Anarchy – 7/10
The Forever Purge – 6.5/10
The First Purge – 6/10

I don’t really know what’s better of The First Purge & The Forever Purge. I just know that I barely remember The First Purge and that was quite recent so that’s pretty bad. And I think I’ll also barely remember this newest one in a few years. But I still enjoyed them & 6/10 seems a little harsh. Maybe I’ll change my mind & up them half a point (okay, I’ve just upped the rating on this one) . But the first three are far better (and had the same director, so luckily it looks like he’ll be back to directing the sixth film).

For reasons I can’t fully explain, I really like this series of movies. I always love a good concept & I think these movies have a fantastic idea that they’ve never managed to explore in-depth. You’d think we’d get something more meaningful after five films? But I think they’ve managed to evolve the story pretty well & I’m not bored with this idea and know I’ll watch film number six. In this one, a large group of people have decided that the Purge should never end & break the rules by continuing their murder spree after it finishes.

This actress was in The Hunger Games. I know that because my daughter has watched it 2 million times.

I again liked the idea for this movie just fine. If you make all crime legal for one night every year, you’re obviously going to end up with a situation like this so I think it’s a logical progression of the story. I still think they’ve left plenty of situations unexplored, though, so I’m interested to see where they go with the next film. Where they’ve focused plenty on the rich vs the poor so far and the obvious advantages that the rich would have in this situation (as they have with everything in life), this one takes on immigration. I think it worked okay but prefer when they’re a little more subtle with the social commentary. But these films have never been subtle in any way so that’s fine. I think the issue was mostly that this one really dragged in the middle & I lost interest through all of that after it had an okay start.

Well, I like these movies and I’ll keep watching them although I think they have yet to make a truly good film based on this great idea. Maybe they just take things too seriously? This time, it made me think back to The Hunt & how great I thought that was at poking fun at how fucked-up America has become. But maybe that’s just me as I’ve always loved dark humor. It’s a serious issue so maybe these films do need to stick to what they’ve been doing. Maybe they need to take it more seriously? I don’t know but I want to feel like they’ve finally done this idea justice in one of these films. Maybe film number six will be the one?!

Oh, and I’ve not watched The Purge TV series & I don’t know why since I like these movies. I think it’s because a TV series is too much of a commitment for me. Anyone watched that?

My Rating: 6.5/10

No Exit (2022)

Directed by Damien Power

Based on No Exit by Taylor Adams

Starring: Havana Rose Liu, Danny Ramirez, David Rysdahl, Dale Dickey, Mila Harris, Dennis Haysbert

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film stars Havana Rose Liu as a recovering drug addict who discovers a kidnapping in progress while stranded at a rest stop during a blizzard.

My Opinion:

Watched this as it’s a 2022 movie release on Disney Plus & I’m still desperate to see any 2022 films that I can via services. It’s interesting that Disney is getting some new horror/thriller releases (in the U.K.). Last year, I thought The Empty Man was pretty good & The Night House was very much my type of supernatural horror (although it could have been a bit better). No Exit is the most disappointing of the new straight-to-Disney thrillers so far but, hey, it passed the time.

**Edit to add that I’ve just watched Fresh on Disney Plus & that was pretty entertaining. The best of those I’ve mentioned.**

This film pretty much all takes place at a rest stop where these people are stranded during a blizzard & the main character (above) discovers a girl locked in a van. At the rest stop, there are four other adults who become the suspects as she doesn’t know whose van it is. So there was a bit of suspense there at first, which was fine. This is one of those movies where all the characters aren’t very likeable, though, including the main girl and even the young girl who has been kidnapped! You should like the victims at least! It also got a bit too violent for me at the end. Nothing massively gross – I think I just wasn’t in the right mood. Meh. The movie was okay. I’ll forget it in a year. Oh! And Dale Dickey was in this & I always think “the prostitute from My Name Is Earl!” whenever I see her so it’s hard to take her seriously in dramas, etc.

My Rating: 6/10
*This rating is a bit generous. I guess I’m feeling nice. I was too nice to The Forever Purge too.*