Tales From The Crypt – Forever Ambergris (1993) Review

**I’ve done this review as part of the Tales From The Crypt blogathon over at Channel: Superhero. Every day this month, someone will be reviewing a different episode of Tales From The Crypt so head on over there & check out all the participating entries! :-)

My contribution below is a review of the episode Forever Ambergris, starring Roger Daltrey & Steve Buscemi.

Tales From The Crypt – Forever Ambergris (1993 – Season 5, Episode 3)

Directed by Gary Fleder

Starring: Roger Daltrey, Steve Buscemi, Paul Dooley, Marshall Bell, Lysette Anthony, John Kassir, Tim Ahern, Titus Welliver, Luis Antonio Ramos, Kevin Benton

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
A jaded, has-been photographer plots the demise of his younger, talented protégé when they go on assignment in Central America.

No one knows what it’s like to be the bad man

My Opinion:

For some reason, I never saw many episodes of Tales From The Crypt although the stories are the type of thing that I like. They tended to have some sort of twist, right? Growing up, one of my first favorite TV shows was The Twilight Zone (it remains my very favorite now) so it seems like I should really try to check out more Tales From The Crypt episodes. I’d probably like the stories even though the “horror” side of things isn’t really for me so much. I’m really looking forward to reading all the other entries in Channel: Superhero’s blogathon this month! :-)

So what did I, a bit of a wuss when it comes to gore, end up choosing as my episode to review? A thoroughly disgusting one that would give David Cronenberg’s body horror films a run for their money! Damn. And I only chose it because it starred Roger Daltrey & Steve Buscemi, which I thought was pretty damn cool.

As we’re meant to discuss the episode in its entirety as well as the tale’s “twist”, I’ll be doing that now & I’ll also be including the most gruesome images I could find. So, SPOILER & NASTY IMAGE WARNING! Here we go. :-)

Steve Buscemi is a Happy Jack at first…

In this tale, Dalton (Roger Daltrey) & Ike aka Isaac (Steve Buscemi) are war photographers. Dalton was once the best but he’s lost his touch and the younger & more talented Ike looks set to achieve big success while Dalton becomes a has-been. It was funny that Buscemi was this “young guy” compared to Daltrey (but this was back in my generation of 1993 so I guess he was a lot younger then). Anyway, I love Buscemi and you can’t help but like his friendly & enthusiastic Ike.

The kids are alright

Ike is a big fan of Dalton’s work and invites him over one night to have dinner & meet his girlfriend Bobbi (Lysette Anthony). Dalton is immediately smitten with the gorgeous blonde Bobbi (especially after later that night when he peaks through the bedroom door to watch her having sex with Ike. With her fully naked & on top, of course. Sorry, guys – I couldn’t find an image of that). ;-)

“Hey, baby. They call me The Seeker.”

Naturally, the already jealous Dalton becomes more & more obsessed with Ike’s life and, when they’re sent on an assignment to war-torn Central America, he devises a plan to get his career back (and hopefully become the substitute for Ike in Bobbi’s life).

He wants her squeeze box…

While on the plane to Central America, Dalton is visited by a (ghost??) played by Marshall Bell (a total “Hey, who are you?” guy who, to me, will always be Gordie’s asshole father in Stand By Me). He tells of a village in which the population was decimated by a disease caused by some sort of germ warfare. This is when Dalton’s evil plan fully takes shape.

How do you think he does it?

He convinces Ike, as he’s his “friend”, to go to the village because he’s heard rumors of devastation that will guarantee Ike the opportunity to capture some once in a lifetime photos & to achieve the level of fame that Dalton once had. Does the trusting Ike do as Dalton says & visit the village while Dalton remains at the camp? You better you bet!

As soon as Ike gets back & joins Dalton in their tent, it soon becomes obvious that something isn’t right with Ike. First this happens:

Dizzy in the head and I’m feeling bad

Then his eye pops right the hell out:

I can see for miles

Then the evil Dalton, not content with just stealing Ike’s roll of film which Dalton will pass off as his own once Ike has taken the magic bus to heaven, decides to put his cigarette out in Ike’s eyeball:

See me, feel me

Afterwards, back in America, Dalton visits Ike’s girlfriend Bobbi to give his condolences and, of course, to hopefully win her affections as they had some pretty strong sexual chemistry when they first met. But Bobbi has other plans as she knows the photos published after that fateful trip weren’t Dalton’s as claimed.

There has to be a twist

After smoking some weed together, Bobbi and Dalton have sex, during which Bobbi reveals that what they smoked was sent to her by Ike from that contaminated village in Central America. She’s given them both the virus as she doesn’t want to live without her beloved Ike and wants to ensure that Dalton pays for Ike’s death. So as they screw, the virus causes her spine to burst and she bleeds all over Dalton as her skin melts off. Dalton freaks out & runs to the bathroom just in time to see his nose drop off into the sink. Plop! He’ll no longer play by sense of smell…

He won’t get fooled again!

Thanks for letting me join in on this blogathon! :-) I’m going to go watch more Tales From The Crypt now. I suppose I should give this a rating like I do with my movie reviews. I can’t really compare it to other episodes as I’ve not seen many but I did enjoy it & loved that it starred Daltrey & Buscemi, who looked so young! Definitely a little too gross for me but I do love an occasional body horror film and the special effects on Buscemi, although of course dated, really looked just as good as a lot of older movies that probably had a much higher budget. Definitely an episode that should be seen by fans of the show if they haven’t seen it already.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Oh, by the way, I wondered what the heck “ambergris” was so I looked it up at Wikipedia:

Ambergris is a solid, waxy, flammable substance of a dull grey or blackish colour produced in the digestive system of sperm whales.

Freshly produced ambergris has a marine, faecal odour. However, as it ages, it acquires a sweet, earthy scent commonly likened to the fragrance of rubbing alcohol without the vaporous chemical astringency. Although ambergris was formerly highly valued by perfumers as a fixative (allowing the scent to last much longer), it has now largely been replaced by synthetics.

Hmm. Make of that what you will from the story.

Here’s the Crypt Keeper pretending to be a photographer during the episode. His model is a bit chubby by today’s standards. Of course, her head falls off anyway.

They’re all wasted!

My Top Ten Devil & Hell Songs

Oh, sweet Satan – you’ve been the inspiration for so many heavy metal bands!

Today I have not just one, not 666, but TWO Top Ten lists! One for each Devil horn!


When I started making this list, I only had Satan in mind. Then I thought “I think songs with the word Hell in the title can be included as well”. Turns out there are way too many to narrow it down to ten that way so I have one list of songs with “Devil” in the title and one for those with “Hell” in the title. (Although my number one doesn’t actually have “Devil” in the title but I do like to play by my own rules). ;-)

As always, these are ranked according to how much I like the song.

Let’s start with My Top Ten Devil Songs:

10. Billy Talent – Devil In A Midnight Mass
9. Devil’s Spoke by Laura Marling
8. Devils Haircut by Beck
7. Devil Inside by INXS
6. Christmas With The Devil by Spinal Tap

5. The Devil Went Down To Georgia by The Charlie Daniels Band

4. Runnin’ With The Devil by Van Halen

3. Shout At The Devil by Mötley Crüe

2. Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones

1. The Number of the Beast by Iron Maiden

Honorable Devil Mentions:
– Devil’s Child by Judas Priest
– (You’re The) Devil In Disguise by Elvis Presley
– Devil Gate Drive by Suzi Quatro
– Devil With A Blue Dress On by Mitch Ryder And The Detroit Wheels
– Devil Woman by Cliff Richard
– Goddamn Devil by Ugly Kid Joe (Ha! Remember them? I’d forgotten about this song…)
– Grab The Devil By The Horns & Fuck Him Up The Ass by Sum 41 (it’s a title that I had to include)

Now it’s time to go to HELL… Here are My Top Ten Hell Songs:

10. TIE: Hell by Squirrel Nut Zippers & Hell by Foo Fighters
9. Catch Hell Blues by The White Stripes
8. Bat Out Of Hell by Meat Loaf
7. Run Like Hell by Pink Floyd
6. Green Hell by Misfits

5. Cowboys From Hell by Pantera

4. Straight To Hell by The Clash

3. Hell Bent For Leather by Judas Priest

2. Heaven And Hell by Black Sabbath

1. Highway To Hell by AC/DC (and Hells Bells, too!)

Honorable Hell Mentions:
– Go To Hell by Megadeth
– Hell Hole by Spinal Tap
– The Hell Song & Welcome To Hell by Sum 41 (what’s with them and Hell & Devil songs??)

Also, an honorable mention in general to Tenacious D’s Tribute since it’s about the Devil. Plus, Dave Grohl is the coolest Satan ever.

Here’s a quick thanks to Hard Ticket To Home Video’s Brian for recommending Black Sabbath’s Heaven And Hell back when I did a list of My Top Ten Black Sabbath Songs. Thanks, dude – I love it! And I especially love the other one (Children Of The Grave).

And there’s one on this list that I only heard for the first time yesterday but I thought it was pretty damn good considering it’s folk! It went straight into my top ten so thanks to my husband for suggesting I listen to Devil’s Spoke by Laura Marling. Here’s the video:

The Sacrament (2013) Review

The Sacrament (2013)

Directed & Written by Ti West

Starring: A. J. Bowen, Joe Swanberg, Kentucker Audley, Amy Seimetz, Kate Lyn Sheil, Gene Jones

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A. J. Bowen and Joe Swanberg play journalists who document their co-worker’s (Kentucker Audley) attempt to locate his sister (Amy Seimetz) after she joins a reclusive religious commune. The film’s plot borrows heavily from the real life events of the Jonestown Massacre of 1978.

My Opinion:

For some reason, it seems that it’s become a sort of tradition for me to review a Ti West movie on this blog every October. I hope he keeps making them so I have one to watch next year as well! No, wait – I actually don’t care as I can’t say I’ve exactly loved any of them. And, of the three I’ve seen, The Sacrament was my least favorite by far.

As I say every year, Ti West’s films are not to everyone’s taste. They’re sooooo slllllooooooowwwwwwww. It’s more about the mood & atmosphere that he creates, which is something that I appreciate in a horror film, and I think he did a good job with this in The Innkeepers and especially in The House Of The Devil. I actually liked both of those movies just fine, especially as far as horror goes since it’s not a genre I love due to there being so many bad ones made in the past 20 years. They’ll never be favorite films of mine or ones I’ll ever watch again but they’ve actually both gone up in my estimation since seeing them (especially The House Of The Devil). So, if you’re at all curious about his work, I suggest you start with those and not with The Sacrament. The level of “boring” was just far too high this time & with no decent payoff at the end, which at least the other two sort of managed.

The concept behind The Sacrament, a story about a mysterious cult similar to that responsible for the Jonestown Massacre of 1978, is decent enough. I mean, that’s an absolutely fascinating story. I just think watching a real documentary of that actual event would be far more interesting than watching this fictional documentary version of what’s pretty much the exact same story as far as I can tell. Oh! Yeah, this a “found footage” film – had I not mentioned that yet? Some of you are probably running away screaming right now – Ti West AND found footage! Well, I’ll be honest & say that found footage films really don’t bother me that much & I’ve even quite liked a few where I thought that gimmick worked well (Cloverfield & Chronicle). I guess it does work pretty well in The Sacrament but the whole movie just feels a bit pointless and feels like Ti West has run out of ideas so he’s just borrowing a real-life “horror” story.

I’m making this movie sound a little worse than it is. I liked the three main characters (the two journalists & the friend who attempt to rescue the friend’s sister from the isolated commune). Ti West usually does an okay job making us like the main characters (I really liked the girl in The Innkeepers). At the very least, his characters are a little more developed than a lot of modern horror movie characters. I don’t understand horror movies with hateful characters – I want to like them & see them survive. I wanted these three to rescue the sister & escape (do they? maybe – I won’t say). Well, actually, the sister was a bit annoying… There were a lot of children so I found that upsetting as I didn’t want them to be harmed but, overall, I found this movie to be lacking in tension which is odd considering the suject matter. That just may be because it’s quite obvious how it’s all going to end.

The most unfortunate thing is that we don’t get a good look into those who are a part of the cult, though, and what would possess them to follow “Father”, the rather uncharismatic cult leader. That’s the more interesting story here and the one that I’m sure people find most puzzling about real-life cults. How are cult leaders able to convince a group of people to believe their crazy beliefs and to, well, take things so far? (I’m not automatically going to assume that everyone here knows about Jonestown). I was hoping for some sort of exploration of this subject but we really don’t get this at all. Oh, the sister joined as “Father” helped get her off drugs. Really? That’s it? That provides zero explanation for her actions in the movie. It’s just a shame as it’s one hell of a topic but it’s simply used just to make a horror movie & fill cinema seats. It could’ve been so much more but ended up rather shallow. I don’t know… It’s not a “bad” movie but feels a little odd as it actually IS a true story. And 1978 wasn’t really all that long ago, either, so the movie somewhat feels to be in slightly poor taste.

My Rating: 5.5/10

**The best thing about this movie was the use of the fantastic song Heartbeats by The Knife. Although its use felt out of place & was rather jarring… I think Ti West just really liked the song & decided he’d stick it into his next movie whether it fit or not! It’s a great song.

Nosferatu (1922) Review for Halloween Horror Fest & IMDB Challenge


For today’s IMDB Top 250 Horror post, I’m reblogging my old “review” of Nosferatu (1922). Wow, it’s pretty rubbish – I didn’t say much about it! Luckily, no one reads reblogs. Oh, the good old days of my blog when I didn’t ramble on for ages about a movie…. ;-) (Nosferatu was pretty damn cool – just watch it)

Originally posted on Cinema Parrot Disco:

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Nosferatu (1922)Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens (translated as Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror; or simply Nosferatu)

Directed by F. W. Murnau

Max Schreck
Gustav von Wangenheim
Greta Schröder
Alexander Granach
Ruth Landshoff
Wolfgang Heinz

Running time: 94 minutes

Plot Synopsis:
Basically, it’s Dracula. From Wikipedia:

The film, shot in 1921 and released in 1922, was an unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, with names and other details changed because the studio could not obtain the rights to the novel (for instance, “vampire” became “Nosferatu” and “Count Dracula” became “Count Orlok”). Stoker’s heirs sued over the adaptation, and a court ruling ordered that all copies of the film be destroyed. However, one print of Nosferatu survived, and the film came to be regarded as an influential masterpiece of cinema.

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My Opinion:

I watched this back in July as part of my IMDB Top 250 Challenge but never…

View original 282 more words

Horns (2013) Review

Horns (2013)

Directed by Alexandre Aja

Based on Horns by Joe Hill

Starring: Daniel Radcliffe, Max Minghella, Joe Anderson, Juno Temple, Kelli Garner, James Remar, Kathleen Quinlan, Heather Graham, David Morse, Sabrina Carpenter

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Horns is an American dark fantasy horror-comedy film directed by Alexandre Aja, loosely based on Joe Hill’s novel of the same name. Daniel Radcliffe stars as a man who is accused of raping and murdering his girlfriend (Juno Temple) and uses his newly discovered paranormal abilities to uncover the real killer.

My Opinion:

Okay, so I watched this movie after reading the book because I of course wanted to see how they’d adapt such a weird story (you can read my review of the book HERE). I know that movies are rarely as good as the books but they did a pretty poor job with this adaptation. It started out pretty good, too, so it was disappointing that it fell apart.

Yes, we have Harry Potter playing Ig, a guy who grows Devil horns. And has sex! NO! Do NOT have sex, Daniel Radcliffe! That’s just really disturbing – you’re a little kid. And Juno Temple… is it just me or is that girl annoying? I suppose she wasn’t too bad in this, though, as she was kind of how I pictured Merrin. She’s famous because her dad (Julien Temple) is famous. Can we just talk about his music documentary/music video work instead? That’s far more interesting than Horns. My husband told me he likes it more when I go off on a tangent, like when I “reviewed” Primer and ended up talking about Weebles. Really?? Surely people find that annoying! Just Google Julien Temple if you don’t know him – besides things like his Sex Pistols documentaries, he directed far more music videos than I realized (videos for Judas Priest, The Rolling Stones, Neil Young, Depeche Mode, etc etc, and that David Bowie movie Absolute Beginners). Oh, and check out my chat with Hard Ticket To Home Video’s Brian of Billy Idol’s White Wedding video HERE (which wasn’t directed by Temple – I’m just whoring my Music Video Friday posts that only I & two other bloggers like). ;-)

Right! Horns. I think the movie captured the love story between Ig & Merrin pretty well, which was good as that’s what I liked the most about the book. But it did a terrible job with all the other characters. As always, I won’t spoil the story but the two other biggest characters are probably Ig’s brother Terry & Ig’s friend Lee (who couldn’t look more different from how he’s described in the book). Their stories were changed quite a bit and they got no character development at all in the movie. I hated the changes as they didn’t really seem like the type that were necessary to save on time or whatever (I let some changes slide as I know it’s hard to squeeze a long book into a short movie). For those seeing the movie only, I think you’ve totally missed out on most of the characters’ motivations for doing the things they did.

And Heather Graham couldn’t have felt more out of place! They changed & made her role far bigger than it was in the book and I’m afraid to say that she came across as quite desperate in this & her acting was just embarrassing. It makes me sad to say that – I kind of like Heather Graham. I’m assuming she was told to act in that way, though, as Wikipedia oddly describes Horns as a horror comedy, which I don’t think is at all accurate. There are a couple small dark comedy moments but don’t watch it expecting a dark comedy – it’s a supernatural murder mystery horror. It’s a very unique & original story so I suppose that’s just Hollywood trying to give it a simple classification.

Despite my complaints, I did like this movie okay. I’m going to be picky as I liked the book but, trying to look at it as someone who hasn’t read the book would, I think it’s a decent enough film. It does try a little too hard to be “cool” but I think that’s pretty common for movies aimed at twentysomethings. Yes, like Joe Hill’s books are very much aimed at a younger generation than those older fans of his dad’s (Stephen King) work, this movie very obviously knows its specific target audience. Which is fine – I’m sure a lot of now-adults who grew up with Harry Potter love this movie. I think Daniel Radcliffe will have been chosen for this very reason & he’s much better than I was expecting – I ended up having no issues with him playing Ig (I read on IMDB that Shia LaBeouf was originally going to play Ig. Yuck – can you imagine?! That would’ve been a huge mistake!). Also, the movie’s soundtrack is pretty good. It was out of place half the time & far too obvious sometimes (such as using Personal Jesus) but I’m not going to complain at a soundtrack including David Bowie even though the song Heroes worked much better in The Perks Of Being A Wallflower (plus David Bowie is currently the “artist you must include in your soundtrack to make your movie seem cool“).


Horns is a decent enough horror movie if you’re looking for a different sort of story that you’ve not seen in a thousand other films (that’s usually my biggest complaint with horror movies such as Mama). Don’t get the wrong idea when I say it’s aimed at twentysomethings who grew up with Harry Potter – it’s a dark film & very much a “horror”. I was surprised when looking up the director’s other work (The Hills Have Eyes remake, Mirrors, Piranha 3D(!), and the ultra-violent Switchblade Romance which has been on my list to watch for the blog every October but I still haven’t because I’m a wuss). Well, Horns is less extreme than any of those. I far preferred the book, of course, but at least they got the central love story right in the movie even if they made a mess of everything else. I’d actually recommend only watching the movie with this one if you’re not much of a book person – you’ll enjoy the movie more that way. If you are a book person, definitely read the book first.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Here’s a Julien Temple video! This song is stuck in my head now. Judas Priest – Breaking The Law:

My Blog’s September 2015 Stats 

Happy October, everyone! :-) I’ll be back to posting horror-related stuff again tomorrow & for the rest of this month but I realized it’s the first Sunday of the month so it’s time to review my September blog stats.

Here are My Top Viewed Posts For September:

I was happy to see that My Top Ten Toilet Scenes In Movies was number one (better than a number “two”, eh?). ;-) I did that partly due to my old, most-viewed-ever post of My Top Ten Shower & Bath Scenes In Movies. Looks like it’s paid off – Googlers are clearly fascinated by movie scenes involving bathrooms! I’m moving onto sinks for another top ten list soon (seriously).

It’s cool that My Top Ten Number Movies was also one of my top viewed posts (SPOILER: 28 Days Later tops that list). And I’m liking that my mini-review trios are getting a good amount of comments from people (I did three chick flicks HERE & trashed Blue Ruin HERE to everyone’s annoyance (I seriously hated that movie).

And my review of Odd Thomas leads me to…

My Top Search Terms For September:

Ha! That’s hilarious. Apparently mentioning my top search terms each month has meant that I keep getting hits on those same search terms over & over again. So, thank you to Lucy Deakins being cute in The Great Outdoors, Alice Eve for being hot, Addison Timlin for the camel toe in Odd Thomas, and those Minions for being so darn cute. :-)

Finally, thank you as always to YOU GUYS. The best thing about blogging is the chats we have about movies in the Comments. I wouldn’t have kept doing this so long without our chats. :-)

Top Commenters:

New Followers:

Mama (2013) Review

Mama (2013)

Directed by Andrés Muschietti

Starring: Jessica Chastain, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Megan Charpentier, Isabelle Nélisse, Daniel Kash, Javier Botet, Jane Moffat

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film deals with the story of two young girls abandoned in a forest cabin, fostered by an unknown entity that they fondly call “Mama”, which eventually follows them to their new suburban home after their uncle retrieves them.

My Opinion:

Here we are with my first horror movie review for the month of October! You know I’ve clearly watched a load of shit this year if I’m starting with stupid Mama. Well, no one visits this blog on a Friday so let’s get this crappy movie out of the way first, shall we? :-)

Why do 99.98% of modern horror movies suck? And why do I continue to watch them? I suppose I still live in the hope that one will at least be entertaining even if they’re not exactly “good”. Okay, there are two fairly recent ones that I actually loved: The Babadook & It Follows. But that almost makes things worse! Now I’ll have high expectations! But you know they’ll go back to pumping out nothing but shit like Mama & Insidious 8.

I suppose I have only myself to blame as plenty of bloggers trashed Mama before I saw it. Although, reading about this movie online, it got praised somewhat by critics. What?? Maybe us bloggers are becoming too picky or something. Anyway, I love a good supernatural story. And feral children… Feral children (and Satanic children, too) are the BEST! That’s why I love stuff like The Brood & The Omen. Well, the two girls in Mama are the sweetest feral children ever – I probably felt too protective of them since they were totally cute & weren’t psychotic little nutjobs. I also liked, being a mother & all that, the thought of an “entity” protecting the girls. But, dammit, did we have to see “Mama” SO DAMN MUCH?! Why do so many modern horror films do this? I’m far more scared by the things we don’t see or the things we only glimpse. How am I supposed to be scared of this?

What the hell is that shit? Is that seriously what scares audiences nowadays? You know, I suppose the actual story in Mama wasn’t all that bad. It’s a shame they felt the need to show her so much – I’d probably give this a halfway decent rating if it wasn’t for that. And, I was too lazy to look into it but is this one of those cases where a famous star made a crappy movie that didn’t get a full release but then, once they were famous, it did? If not, then what the hell was Jessica Chastain doing in this? I actually find her pretty seriously overrated but she can clearly get better work than this now (other than InterstellarMama is probably a better horror film than Insterstellar is a sci-fi film. no, seriously – I have far higher standards for sci-fi than for horror). At least we had hunky Nikolaj Coster-Waldau to look at in Mama… As TWINS!

I actually forgot he was twins in this until Laura reminded me in our review chat for Headhunters (HERE), which is pretty pathetic as I only watched this a couple of months ago. I have such an excellent memory for great or really horrible movies & such a shitty memory for bland crap like this. Yeah, I prefer a truly horrible movie to something like this one as at least horrible movies are fun to take the piss out of & bitch about with you guys. Mama was just “So what?”. And I don’t want to get into spoiler territory too much in case anyone still wants to watch this but I hated the ending & I hated that there wasn’t “more” to the entity. There’s a story here that actually could have made for a more complex supernatural “villain” but that doesn’t really happen – it’s just good vs evil. Apparently this was a short film first? Well, I wonder what that’s like because the simple story seems like it would be better as a short film.

(Btw, Jessica Chastain is soooo not believable as some “rock chick” in this)

You know what? Screw all this. My hubby told me the other day that my reviews are no fun lately (he may have used the word “suck”) because it’s obvious that I can’t be bothered. Ha! Nice! I don’t care what he says – he went to see The Martian without me yesterday. How rude!

Anyway, I’ve never once claimed to be some kind of writer but he’s right that I can’t be bothered lately due to being too busy but, also, because I’ve watched too much stuff like Mama over the past few months. I seriously need to see a movie that gets me all excited about putting a post together again instead of it feeling like a chore (something like, hmm… The Martian hopefully?!). Mama was a chore. It was a chore to watch & a chore to think of anything to say about it for a post.


I know this review was really negative but I’ve definitely seen worse horror movies than Mama. The problem is just that I’ve seen this same sort of mediocre “supernatural horror” movie over & over again. Here’s the plot: There’s an evil entity, no one believes it’s real, someone does some investigating & discovers the entity’s tragic history, evil entity must then be defeated using the knowledge gained during that investigating that I mentioned. How original – I’ve never seen that story before!

I’ll end on a positive: Mama is an okay “stuck on the couch while off work because you’re sick” movie. That’s how I saw it (along with three others in the same day). Don’t make a big thing of it if you watch it. Like, don’t make it your big date night movie or something – you’ll be pretty disappointed. It’s at least a good movie to watch while throwing up in a bucket!

My Rating: 4.5/10

My Top Ten Horror Movie Quotes

Happy October everyone! Let’s kick off this month of horror with a top ten list of my favorite horror movie quotes. :-)

I fully expect to have missed some with this list (I don’t re-watch horror movies to the degree that I watch favorites from other genres) but I’ve tried to pick the first quotes that popped into my head from my favorites. Oh, and I’ve never considered the Alien films or Jaws to be horror, FYI, so you won’t find “Get away from her, you bitch!” or “You’re gonna need a bigger boat” on this list. Those would top the list.

So here are my mainstream & super obvious Top Ten Horror Movie Quotes:

10. “If it’s in a word, or it’s in a look, you can’t get rid of the Babadook.”

As Heard In: The Babadook

I loved The Babadook – it was one of the very few horror films after 1989 that didn’t totally suck. Anyway, nothing is more freaky than that damn book and this is a cool rhyme (even though it doesn’t actually rhyme if you have an American accent…).

9. “The soil in a man’s heart is stonier.”

As Heard In: Pet Sematary

This is probably my only choice on this list that’s not totally predictable. I don’t know why but I had a slight obsession with this movie when it came out – it probably helped going & seeing it with a group of friends (I assume it was rated R? I actually wasn’t old enough. Hmm). Plus, one girl would shout out “PASCOW!” at school for months after seeing this. Anyway, “Sometimes dead is better” is probably the more famous line but the above quote, said by two characters, is more important to the story & the one I always liked.

8. “They’re all gonna laugh at you!”

As Heard In: Carrie

I also love “I can see your dirty pillows.” Ha! Dirty pillows! Carrie’s mom is such a nutjob. Yeah, I like my Stephen King movies…

7. “You are all my children now.”

As Heard In: A Nightmare On Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge

Oh man, there are SO many A Nightmare On Elm Street quotes to choose from! Funny I’ve chosen one from my least favorite & least watched of the series. In fact, I was like “does he say that in number 2??”. It’s just such a well known Freddy line. I was also always fond of “Welcome to prime time, bitch!” and Nancy’s “Whatever you do… don’t fall asleep“. Well, I have another one higher on the list.

6. TIE: “One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach; all the damn vampires.” & “Death by stereo!” & “My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire!”

As Heard In: The Lost Boys

Dammit, there are also so many quotes in The Lost Boys! I’m also fond of saying “Maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.” anytime we have Chinese food. Goddamn I must be shit-sucking annoying to live with.

5. “They’re here!”

As Heard In: Poltergeist

Well, duh. So obvious. But you all immediately knew what it was from!

4. “One, two, Freddy’s coming for you. Three, four, better lock your door. Five, six, grab your crucifix. Seven, eight, gonna stay up late. Nine, ten, never sleep again…”

As Heard In: A Nightmare On Elm Street

I’m a sucker for rhymes or creepy lyrics to the tune of some kids’ song. “One, two, buckle my shoe” will only bring the above lyrics to mind for a generation of Freddy fans now. Or, maybe more than one generation – you young kids seem to like this one too!

3. “Heeere’s Johnny!”

As Heard In: The Shining

Again, like the Poltergeist quote, this one is super obvious. But The Shining is my favorite horror movie (along with The Omen, the Nightmare On Elm Streets & the series that my top two are a part of) so it’s naturally going to be high on my list. Guess that’s three Stephen King movies on my list (even though he hates this movie).

2. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!”

As Heard In: Night Of The Living Dead

I love Romero’s zombie movies (yes, even Day, Land and Diary. but especially Day!). The Barbara (it’s spelled “Barbra” on IMDB but that just looks weird) line has to be the most famous Romero line & the one I quote the most by far, unlike my number one choice. But number one is just so damn cool

1. “When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the Earth.”

As Heard In: Dawn Of The Dead

Love it. I don’t find this to be a very “quotable” quote like most of those on the list but it’s just such a great line. And I also love it being said by once again by Ken Foree in the (also totally excellent) 2004 remake. I suppose it’s somewhat quotable – you could say things like “When there’s no more room in hell, the Kardashians will walk the Earth“. Or something. Nah, that doesn’t really work – someone come up with something better! Well, I love these movies & keep saying every year that I’ll review the whole lot in October but never do. Maybe next year! ;-)

NOS4A2 & Horns by Joe Hill (Book Reviews)

I finally read my first two Joe Hill books this year. His father, Stephen King, has been my favorite author for years and I can be a little stuck in my ways so I wasn’t overly excited at checking his stuff out as I already had a favorite horror author & didn’t need another one. I figured there was no way he could top his dad’s stuff anyway.

It must suck being compared to your famous parents all the time but it’s impossible to ignore the fact that Stephen King is his father, especially when he’s gone into the exact same field as his dad with these two books. Well, neither of these books topped his dad’s work for me but they were still really good. Okay, I’ll admit that they top some of his dad’s not-so-good books but they’re not as good as King’s very best. Those here who have read & recommended these two books to me may be surprised at which one I liked more, though, and I’ll try to explain why. Let’s talk about them! :-)

NOS4A2 by Joe Hill (aka U.K. title NOS4R2)

What It’s About: (from the back cover)
Young Victoria McQueen has a gift for finding things. All she has to do is ride her bike through the Shorter Way Bridge and she’ll come out wherever she needs to be… it’s an ability she keeps secret because no one would understand it. Until she discovers she’s not the only one with a special gift.

Charlie Manx takes children for rides in his 1938 Rolls-Royce Wraith with its NOS4R2 vanity plate, driving them away from their families, their homes, even their own humanity. When they reach their destination they’ve changed, utterly. They’ve become Charlie’s children: as unstoppable and insane as Manx himself.

Only one kid ever escaped Charlie Manx: Vic McQueen. But the end of that nightmare was just the beginning of their life-and-death battle of wills… a battle that explodes a quarter century later. Because now Manx has taken Vic’s son. And Vic McQueen is going to get him back. Or die trying.

My Thoughts:

**I first want to say it’s weird that this book is called NOS4R2 in the U.K. but I’ll use A2 for the review. I just wanted to share this story: I got this book from my husband & my daughter was curious about it. Obviously, it’s a nasty horror book not for kids so he told her it was about “C-3PO & R2-D2 on a quest to find a nose for R2, everyone’s favorite little droid“. Too cute.** :-)

This book is definitely the better of these two, which I’m sure most everyone would agree with. I never read any book reviews online other than from a few bloggers I follow but I’m pretty sure I remember them saying this one was better… Although it contains one of the two topics I normally avoid in books & movies, children being harmed (rape being the other thing, which is in Horns), I did enjoy the book and found it to be an interesting & original story. I mean, it’s supernatural – I can handle “horror” and murder & all that stuff in the supernatural realm but I’m not the type you’ll ever find reading a “true crime” type of story. I don’t know – I can’t explain it. Maybe I’m weird. Or I suppose I can only handle evil when it’s not something that could happen in real life. But I do love the supernatural and this book has plenty of that. My favorite bits involved the main character, Vic McQueen, riding her bike through a covered bridge that only she can see in order to find things that people have lost.

The bridge and Vic as a child are in the first half of the book, which I found to be much stronger than the second half. I suppose it depends on what you prefer but I thought Hill did a better job setting things up in the first half of the book. Vic was a sympathetic child with a difficult life and it reminded me of the way in which Stephen King develops such rich characters and an overall setting that’s so real that it feels like you’re going to set down his book & then open your front door to find you’re in Castle Rock. I could so easily picture Vic’s “Shorter Way Bridge” and thought this book was on its way to being pretty damn fantastic at first. Unfortunately, as I often find with a lot of King’s work as well, it loses its way a bit halfway through as the action picks up and we see much more of the character of Charlie Manx. Like I say, though, it depends on what you want from a book and I’m sure many people prefer the second half – I just found myself losing interest in Manx’s story and found the book a little longer than was necessary.

I know I keep bringing up Stephen King in this review but that’s because NOS4A2 feels so much like a King book. Indeed, if you love King like I do, this is the Joe Hill book I’d recommend to you of these two. I think my main complaint is that it’s too similar to his dad’s work. We already have a Stephen King and he’s great so I don’t really want another one of him. I think that’s a big part of the reason why, although NOS4A2 is more well-written and has, I suppose, the more “accessible” storyline (as far as strange & supernatural stories go), I enjoyed Horns more. Horns is utterly bizarre and I can see why it would maybe be the less popular of these two but I felt like I was reading a book by a whole new author I’d never read before. I liked that!

NOS4A2 is a good book, though, so don’t let my somewhat negative-sounding review keep you from reading it if you think you’d like it. I just happened to read a King book (Revival) as well as this & Horns all within a few months of each other so I’m going to be comparing them all in my mind. I’ll be honest, though, and admit that this was better than Revival was overall, although I preferred a storyline that didn’t involve a child “murderer” (of sorts…). I can see why this is the Joe Hill book I’ve seen recommended the most.

My Rating: 4/5

Horns by Joe Hill

What It’s About: (from the back cover)
Once, Ig lived the life of the blessed: born into privilege, he had security and wealth and a place in his community. Ig had it all, and more – he had the love of Merrin Williams, a love founded on shared daydreams, mutual daring, and unlikely midsummer magic.

Then beautiful, vivacious Merrin was gone – raped and murdered, under inexplicable circumstances – and Ig was the only suspect. He was never tried for the crime, but in the court of public opinion, he was and always would be guilty.

But now Ig can hear people’s deepest, darkest secrets and means to use this ability to find whoever killed Merrin.

It’s time for a little revenge. It’s time the devil had his due.

My Thoughts:

I won’t talk about Stephen King in this review. Promise! Because this book doesn’t feel like a Stephen King book. Horns is, well, pretty damn bonkers. It’s a bit all over the place as well & seems to lack focus. Plus it gets pretty seriously “What the fuuuuuuck?” at the end.

Geez, I’m making it sound so good! Well, it’s not one that everyone will like but I enjoyed it quite a bit despite its obvious flaws. And there’s no being evil to children in this one! There’s a rape, however. I think Hill handles that bit alright (it’s not gratuitous from what I remember) but he makes the character of murdered Merrin far too “perfect” and the “ideal girlfriend”, which didn’t feel real. I didn’t exactly find any of the characters very well developed in this one beyond Ig and maybe his brother somewhat. I think I just really liked the story and the fact that I’ve never really read another one quite like it. I also have to say that I really liked the love story. That’s pretty typical of me – screw shit like The Notebook & give me a fucked-up love story instead!

I think I’ll keep this one short as I’ll probably be discussing it a little more when I review the movie next week. I can tell you now that the film adaptation started out so good then ended up so bad. What a disappointment! I suppose it was a difficult one to adapt, especially near the end when it gets so weird but they changed too much with certain characters.

As for the book, the characters are a little too one-dimensional but, hey, when you’re dealing with a guy sprouting Satanic horns out of his head, the purely good vs purely evil thing works out okay. I gotta say that Hill & his father must have a pretty low opinion of humanity – when Ig sprouts his horns & starts hearing people’s deepest & darkest thoughts, it seems that everyone is a complete asshole deep down if not a complete psycho. Normally this would annoy me (it’s why I actually hated King’s Under The Dome – those people were awful) but it somehow works in Horns. The main focus anyway is the love story between Ig and Merrin and then Ig’s desire to find her killer. It’s sort of a “revenge” story and I often like those. Especially a revenge love story.

Yeah… I’ve only just now realized why I liked this – it reminded me of The Crow (the movie), which I adore. I want a supernatural devil-man or a dead crow-man to avenge my death! That’s totally romantic. (The Crow is much better, though).

Oh shit – I mentioned Stephen King in this review after I promised I that wouldn’t. Oops.

My Rating: 4/5

(It was also a little too weird having Harry Potter playing Ig)

Hey, everyone – it’s October tomorrow so I’ll be starting my October Horrorfest! I figure I can’t skip out on reviewing any big new non-horror releases for a whole month but, besides a couple of things like The Martian, it’ll be ALL HORROR, baby! And it’ll be truly horrific as I’ve unfortunately ended up watching a load of shit in preparation, which wasn’t my intention.

I’m going to stick with my little routine and have Tuesdays be my own IMDB Top 250 reviews (horror movies only) and Thursdays be Top Ten Lists (all horror-related of course). But I’ll be skipping Music Video Friday as there isn’t much I could do beyond Michael Jackson’s Thriller but, hey, my music video posts get no love anyway. Well, I love ’em! ;-) So, see you all tomorrow for my first Horror Top Ten of the month. :-)

All Quiet On The Western Front (1930) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from S.G. Liput of Rhyme And Reason. Thanks for the review, S.G.! :-) Now let’s see what he has to say about All Quiet On The Western Front, IMDB rank 231 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE. Also, if you’d like to add a link to your IMDB review(s) on your own blogs, feel free to use any of the logos I’ve used at the top of any of these guest reviews.

All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)

A simple pair of boots am I,
Inanimate no more.
I’ve watched my many owners die
Engaging in this war.

I marched with them to battle,
Felt them proudly standing tall.
I sensed their spirits rattle,
And I felt their bodies fall.

I started out so polished
On the feet of fearless men,
But as nerves were demolished,
I was passed along again.

I’m now as bruised and battered
As the broken troops I wear.
They ask if all this mattered,
But the answer I can’t bear.

Rating: Not Rated (should be PG)

I’m very particular about old movies. Some are undeniably classics, like Gone with the Wind or It’s a Wonderful Life, but others are so highly acclaimed that, when I finally see them, I just don’t understand their appeal. “Classics” like The Philadelphia Story and The Third Man puzzle me because something prevents them from reaching the potential that supporters like the AFI claim they reach, whether it be the music or the stilted dialogue or the overacting that is given a pass simply because it’s a classic. It’s not often that I see an old black-and-white film that I can admire along with all the die-hard critics and pronounce a timeless work of art. All Quiet on the Western Front is such a film, and it won the 1930 equivalent of Best Picture and Best Director (the aptly named Lewis Milestone).

War has always been one of mankind’s most unfortunate trends, but World War I has always struck me as one of the worst, a conflict with no good or evil side, no goal, no motive except mounting European tension and entangling alliances. In addition, both sides were introducing new forms of warfare, and inventions like mustard gas and modern trench warfare made the battlefields a uniquely deplorable hell. All Quiet ably captures the horror and dread of a war no one really wanted to fight.

The film begins with a patriotic professor urging his students to join the war effort, filling their heads with dreams of heroism and duty, and despite initial hesitation, they take his advice and run with it. It doesn’t take long for their unrealistic bubbles to be popped, not by the enemy, but by the rigors of military life. A former friend promoted over them revels in his superiority and shows them all that war is no time for buddies. Then comes the real introduction to war, the hunger of poorly supplied countrymen, the unnerving wait as explosions around them tax their nerves, the terror and fury and guilt of killing and being killed, things that demagogue recruiter never told them about.

While most of the recruits lack enough character to be distinguishable, Paul Bäumer (Lew Ayres) is the main character we follow. His are the goodbyes and the rude awakenings. His are the friendships made with his comrades, such as the food rustler “Kat” Katczinsky (Louis Wolheim). His are the moral struggles and the starkest disillusionment. Yet Paul serves not just as one character, but as the embodiment of an entire generation, “a generation of men, who, even though they may have escaped its shells, were destroyed by the war,” as the opening title card knowingly states. By himself, Ayres sometimes drifts into that dated acting standard of old movies, but with others, he and all the actors perform their roles with earnest dedication and credibility.

Despite its age, this pre-Code film effectively recreates the intensity of battle, in both its morbid anticipation and its on-field brutality. While most of it is bloodless, there was at least one brief but rather shocking scene, in which an exploding bomb leaves only a man’s severed hands clinging to barbed wire. The traditional shooting and charging of war are contrasted with more artistic sequences, such as following a pair of unlucky boots from one ill-fated owner to the next. And though its black-and-white cinematography dates it somewhat, there are certain scenes, especially toward the end, that are just as effective as if they had been filmed with modern-day techniques.

All Quiet on the Western Front is among the best war films I’ve seen, though some scenes away from the front drag a bit, such as Paul’s tryst with a French woman. Not many English films focus on the losing side of the conflict; Joyeux Noel did in part, but All Quiet centers on the Germans exclusively, from the cynical veterans to the out-of-touch generals. In doing so, it presents a sweeping picture of World War I in all its futility and weariness, an indictment of both that struggle and all political excuses for bloodshed.

Best line: (Paul) “Up at the front you’re alive or you’re dead, and that’s all. You can’t fool anybody about that very long. And up there we know we’re lost and done for, whether we’re dead or alive. Three years we’ve had of it, four years! And every day a year, and every night a century! And our bodies are earth, and our thoughts are clay, and we sleep and eat with death! And we’re done for because you can’t live that way and keep anything inside you!”

Rating: List-Worthy

© 2015 S. G. Liput

The Martian by Andy Weir (Book Review)

The Martian by Andy Weir

What It’s About: (via Wikipedia)
The story follows an American astronaut, Mark Watney, as he becomes stranded alone on Mars and must improvise in order to survive.

My Thoughts:

I’ve been working my way through the big pile of books that I got last Christmas. Here’s the picture that I took of them at the time:

I’ve done okay – I’ve now read everything in that photo other than The Book Thief, Straight White Male & A Game Of Thrones (I don’t have the energy to start on that last one but I’m currently reading George R.R. Martin’s Tuf Voyaging – has anyone read that?). Oh, and I’ve read a few library books as well so that’s a lot of books for me in one year since I’m a pretty slow reader.

Yeah, I’m rambling. As always, I hate doing book reviews! But I feel like I should, just like I can’t watch a movie without sticking my thoughts on this blog. I just really enjoy discussing movies & books with you guys in the comments. And I LOVED The Martian (it’s a very close second place to Ready Player One of the twelve books I’ve read this year) so let’s get this “review” over with so we can chat about it. :-)

The Martian works so well, for me, thanks to the character of Mark Watney. I loved him! The most important thing to me, when reading a book, is that I actually like the main character. I mean, it takes time to read a book! At least if you hate the characters in a movie, you haven’t wasted as much of your time. And, obviously, this book is about a guy stranded alone on Mars – it wouldn’t be a very fun read if people hated Mark! Judging from the popularity of the book, people have clearly bought into the character. Hell, I’d totally have a crush on him if he was a real person – he has a fantastic sense of humor! I didn’t expect that & it worked perfectly within a plot that sounded like it had the potential to be boring. I guess if you’re stranded on Mars, you’d have to have a sense of humor about it so you don’t go insane, huh?

Oh, and while I prefer what I assume is the U.S. cover up there as I like to form my own picture of the characters in my mind (and there’s nothing I hate more than a book cover with pictures of the stars from a movie adaptation – does anyone else hate that?!), the U.K. The Martian cover has a really hot guy on it so I was a little disappointed at Matt Damon being cast in the movie as he’s not at all what I pictured while I read it. We’ll see – I think he should at least be able to pull off Watney’s sense of humor.

Check that dude out. He’s seriously hot. I mean, he’s sweating but he’s also super attractive.

Okay, enough about Mark Watney. Yes, he’s what really made this book such a great read for me but sci-fi is also my favorite genre so that was going to help as well. I hadn’t heard anything about this book when I spotted it in a shop & read the back. It immediately went onto my Christmas list. It’s such a simple sounding set-up & I wanted to see just how on Earth (er, Mars) the author would manage to make a story about a lonely castaway at all interesting. Well, Weir certainly manages this! It’s obvious now thanks to the movie coming out that there are other characters but I didn’t know if that would be the case before I read it. I have to say that the bits focusing on Watney were by far the best & most exciting anyway. I know nothing about science & the accuracy of everything in the book (I’m assuming nothing is too outrageous as people love to bitch when things are too far-fetched) but I even loved reading the technical-sounding things Watney had to do to survive. You’d think reading a lot (and I mean a lot) about growing food on Mars would be boring. But it wasn’t! I found all that fascinating (whether it’s accurate or not – no idea).

Okay – I’ve said enough. Another book review DONE. Yay! I’m also going to try to squeeze in a double review of the two Joe Hill books, NOS4A2 & Horns, on Wednesday. I want to get those out of the way before I start off another “October Horrorfest” on Thursday since I watched Horns as well & plan to review it next week.

Blah blah blah. Just read The Martian. It’s seriously great! Although, I’ve left it too late to review it so, if you haven’t read it yet, you’ll probably just go to the movie now instead. I’ve avoided reviews but the word so far seems to be that it’s Ridley Scott’s best in a long time. I really do hope that’s true but I also hope people will still check out the book too. I think you’ll be missing out if you only watch the movie.

My Rating: 5/5

A Daft Punk Documentary & The Warriors: Last Subway Ride Home 

Hi all! A couple of little things to share with you today involving two things that I love: The Warriors & Daft Punk. :-)

There was apparently a Warriors festival a couple of weeks ago that I’d heard nothing about. I loved the movie, which is my favorite movie I’ve watched since starting my blog a few years ago (you can read my review HERE). Thanks to Laura of Filmnerdblog for tweeting me about this! :-) The original cast members recreated their subway journey to Coney Island & you can watch the YouTube video of that journey here: Neatorama.

In other news, there’s apparently a Daft Punk documentary. YES! I want to see this NOW!!! I’m a big fan of Daft Punk (you can read my review of their artsy fartsy but thoroughly awesome film Electroma HERE).

The documentary about my favorite robot duo (oh wait – that’s probably R2-D2 & C-3PO)… Okay, the documentary about my second favorite robot duo, Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo, was directed by Hervé Martin Delpierre & is called Daft Punk Unchained. It features people such as Giorgio Moroder, Kanye West, Michel Gondry, Paul Williams, Pharrell Williams & Nile Rodgers. Oh thrill, Kanye. Well, it sounds pretty damn cool. You can read a bit more about it here: Firstshowing.net.

Here’s the trailer!

Music Video Friday: Blind Melon – No Rain

Here’s a lazy contribution to Music Video FridayBlind Melon’s No Rain. I mean, who hasn’t seen this video?! This got played on MTV SO. DAMN. MUCH. in 1992/1993.

I have to say that I really kind of hate that early Nineties era of music now. Well, actually, all of the Nineties pretty much sucked for music. I’m not saying there aren’t songs throughout that decade that I like – just that, as a whole, there were a lot of shitty ones. It’s weird that I feel all warm & fuzzy when I hear songs from the Eighties but I don’t get that way with many from the decade that followed. I mean, I was actually still a teenager when this came out in 1992 so you’d think I’d be more fond of that era.

It’s like the Grunge thing came along & started to kill off the metal thing, which sucked. I worded that poorly – heavy metal rules! I mean, it sucked that Grunge kind of killed it off. I’ll fully admit that I liked Grunge at the time (other than Nirvana – never could get into Nirvana. Foo Fighters are so much better!). I preferred Pearl Jam to Soundgarden and slightly preferred Alice In Chains to Pearl Jam. Hey – what were Faith No More considered? They were better than all of these! I still like them. But I honestly don’t think I’ve listened to any of my old Grunge stuff once since the Nineties ended. However, to this day I still listen to things like Metallica & Anthrax sometimes. It’s like Tenacious D said in The Metal: “Grunge tried to kill the metal. They failed, as they were thrown to the ground!”. lol. I love that song.

Where the hell am I going with this rant?! I only chose this video today so I’d have a really quick & easy post for my last Music Video Friday until November! (I’m going to skip this little series while I focus on horror through October). I think that, while No Rain is a good song, it’s a “pop” song & it felt like too many bands similar to Blind Melon popped up during that whole Grunge movement. Bands with long hair & that Grunge look who made really tame, radio-friendly pop songs like this one. Then it got worse during what I call the “American Pie Era” of the very late Nineties with crap like Semisonic & Third Eye Blind & things like that “heart in a blender!” song. (Okay, I lie – I kind of like that Eve 6 song).

Anyway! Blind Melon were a part of a time which, musically, I’ve grown to hate a little in my bitter old age. But, you have to admit that the video is fantastic. I loved it then & I love it still. Who can’t relate with wanting to just be accepted for who we are? It’s such a simple idea for a video but so effective. And the end still puts a smile on my grumpy old face. :-)

Here’s a little bit about the video from Wikipedia:

The music video, directed by Samuel Bayer, stars Heather DeLoach as the “Bee Girl” — a young tap dancer wearing a homemade bee costume and large glasses, modeled after the Blind Melon album’s cover: a family picture of Georgia Graham, younger sister of drummer Glen Graham. The Bee Girl’s story is intercut with footage of Blind Melon performing in a field against a clear blue sky.

Dance away, little Bee Girl!!

My Top Ten Kelly Jo Minter Movies

Happy Birthday to Kelly Jo Minter, who turns 49 today! What’s that? Did I just hear a bunch of you say “Who?”.

Kelly Jo Minter! YES! She’s in two of my all-time favorite movies! She seemed to often play a hooker or “drug addict”… But she was a cutie & a perfectly good actress so I don’t know why she never made it big. Also, when you see these “Happy Birthday” Top Ten posts it usually means I was short on time so looked up actor birthdays for a quick, easy post. ;-) Anyway, I was excited to see that it was Kelly Jo Minter’s birthday today – she was in a lot of good movies! (Okay, in very small roles plus I really could do with re-watching the bottom four but, hey – I saw them so they count! lol!).

Here are My Top Ten Kelly Jo Minter Movies counting down to my very favorite:

10. Doc Hollywood

Kelly’s role: Mulready

Oh yeah, Doc Hollywood… This was totally the type of movie you’d catch on TV back in those days. I saw it once. Pretty sure I didn’t hate it. Don’t remember Kelly in it!

9. New Jack City

Kelly’s role: Recovering Addict

Saw part of this while at a party & don’t remember much other than Chris Rock smoking crack. Don’t remember Kelly! Good to see she was a “recovering” addict.

8. House Party

Kelly’s role: LaDonna

Saw this with a guy I made out with in college. God he was a loser. Or maybe that was House Party II? Either way, I don’t remember Kelly. At least her character had a name.

7. The People Under The Stairs

Kelly’s role: Ruby Williams

Oh yeah – I kind of remember Kelly in this now (after looking up pictures for it). At least it was a big enough role for me to find pictures of her! I should watch this again. (R.I.P. Wes Craven)

6. Popcorn

Kelly’s role: Cheryl

One I remember! Since I just watched it last year for my Horror Month last October… It was okay! Well, it was bad. But good! In that shitty old slasher kind of way. With a bigger budget, it would’ve done better. It had potential.

5. Miracle Mile

Kelly’s role: Charlotta

Another one I watched & reviewed recently! I was shocked to find that this film has quite a few blogger fans. Kelly has a very small role but it was cool seeing her in it. There were lots of familiar faces in this one.

4. Summer School

Kelly’s role: Denise Green

Oh yeah… Summer School! I remember really liking this at the time. I bet it’s one that hasn’t aged well, though. Maybe it’s one that I should leave in the past.

3. A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Kelly’s role: Yvonne

This has to be Kelly’s biggest role by far. When looking for pics of her, the majority are from horror conventions thanks to her being in this. I love every single Elm Street film – I don’t care what anyone says. (But it’s a shame she wasn’t in 1 or 3 since those are the really really good ones)

2. The Lost Boys

Kelly’s role: Maria

Hell, I have to say I don’t think I ever noticed her in this. Look! There she is talking to Alex Winter! Best vampire movie EVER, dammit.

1. Mask

Kelly’s role: Lorrie (aka “a hooker”)

I love Mask so much – it’s easily in my Top 10 Movies of all time (with about 15 other movies). It also tops My Top Ten Tearjerkers list – even though I’ve probably seen this a good 30 times, I can’t make it past the end without blubbering like an idiot. Anyway, it’s again a fairly small role for Kelly but not a bad one. She’s a very sweet hooker! It’s a nice moment in a severely underrated film.

I think this must be a fairly recent picture. According to IMDB, Kelly designs handbags now.

Gimme An ‘F’ (1984) Review


Gimme An ‘F’ (1984)
aka T & A Academy 2
aka Cheerballs

Directed by Paul Justman

Starring: Stephen Shellen, Mark Keyloun, Jennifer Cooke, Lisa Wilcox, Beth Miller, Daphne Ashbrook, John Karlen

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDB)
Can a squad of misfit cheerleaders with an over-age trainer possibly win the big cheerleading competition? Looked down upon by the other teams, it will be difficult. Their lack of skill and talent make it even harder.

My Opinion:

This cheesy 80’s cheerleading sex comedy is my dirty little 13-year-old secret. I watched this so damn much at that age and for years I’ve been desperate to own it in some way but it was quite obscure & I was never able to find a copy. Well, this being 2015 and not 1984, it’s made its way to YouTube so I watched it for the first time in years a few months ago. Hilarious!!! It’s so damn bad. I love it.

Here’s the story: When I was 13 (actually, I was possibly only 12), I got a regular job babysitting a boy of about eight. This was back in small-town American Eighties when that was common – the thought of leaving my kid at home alone with some idiot 12-year-old nowadays seems freaking insane! Anyway, I was lucky as the kid was a real sweetheart. We’d usually have some supper & watch a kids’ movie together then he’d go straight to bed with zero fuss. That kid was awesome. What was even more awesome, though, was the collection of slightly dirty movies that his parents had & that I would then spend all night watching until they came home drunk at about 2:00 in the morning & paid me way too much because they were all drunk & happy. They had a collection of videotapes full of stuff they’d obviously recorded off the one & only movie channel we could get in our town (Showtime, if I remember correctly. We didn’t have it. I wanted it).

One movie they had that I watched a few times was the Brian De Palma film Body Double, which I remember nothing about now – I should track that one down too! Gimme An ‘F’ was the one for me, though. Actually, I think it was on the same tape as Body Double – I’m surprised I didn’t wear that tape out. So I’d sit there with my shoebox full of bracelet-making supplies and make friendship bracelets all night while watching a bunch of horny cheerleaders. Oh, I’d also bring a few teen magazines with me, too – usually Sassy or BOP.

Ahh, the good old days! Sorry – I suppose I should stop reminiscing & just talk about Gimme An ‘F’ (also apparently called T & A Academy 2 or Cheerballs. Seriously? Cheerballs?!?!). Anyway, this Oscar-worthy screenplay involves a group of sweet, innocent, virginal cheerleaders called the Moline Ducks and they totally suck (at cheerleading). They go to a cheerleading camp in a place called Beaver View (haha – very funny) where they are trained by twentysomething professional cheerleaders (one being a hot male cheerleader). We have several squads but the important ones are: The Falcons, who are the best & whose captain is an ice-cold bitch…

The Demons, who are a squad of skanky sluts… 

And, of course, the sweet little Moline Ducks, who don’t have a hope in hell of winning the competition at the end…

The Ducks embarrass themselves when the squads all do a cheer to determine which professional will train them. Luckily, hunky male cheerleader is there to cheer up our main Duck after her appalling performance.

She soon falls for hot, older cheerleading dude and blah blah blah virgin and blah blah blah sexual tension followed by blah blah blah sexual awakening. I’m not here to tell anyone to watch this. Don’t! It’s so damn cheesy & soooooo 1984 and watching it now, as an adult, I’m not sure what I saw in it.

Okay, screw it – I’m lying. I know exactly what I saw in it. Roscoe! Yeah, that guy in the above picture. I’ve never been the type of girl to go for the usual type of boy. Maybe this movie is to blame for that?! Anyway, the handsome cheerleader did nothing for me. No thanks! I had a massive crush on the wild & wacky Roscoe, who was another one of the trainers. Roscoe has a big boner for the ice-queen captain of the evil Falcons squad & does all he can to win her heart (well, I don’t think it’s her heart that he wants…). Anyway, his final effort is to put on that weird ass Mad Max type outfit up there and to spit out some (fake?) blood as the girl goes past. Honestly, that scene was hot. This finally turns her on & she licks it off his face.

Then they go behind the bushes & you see their clothes go flying in the air while she goes “Gimme an F! Gimme a U!” and I was always like “U? That’s not how you start to spell Falcons…“. Lol. Unfortunately, no guy ever put on Mad Max gear & spit out fake blood for me. (It totally would have worked) ;-)

The filthiest this movie got was when one of the professional cheerleaders had sex with the owner of the Beaver View camp (the dude who was Lacey’s husband in Cagney & Lacey). Anyway, this is the closest we get to seeing boobs. Check out those patriotic nipples!

For reasons too boring to explain, handsome male cheerleader bets Lacey’s husband that he can train The Ducks to beat The Falcons in the competition. And (SPOILER, not that it matters…), The Ducks do well after sexing it up & doing a dirty routine thanks to our main sweet blonde girl’s sexual awakening.

Well, you get the idea. I have to say the images make the movie look dirtier than it is. Handsome cheerleader decided to not take advantage of the innocent Ducks girl. But he did do a sexy underwear dance in the steamy shower room for her. It’s absolutely hilarious. Watch it! I BEG YOU. That shit is funny. I’ll put the clip at the end. GOD I love the Eighties!

I’ll shut up now. I suppose I have to give this a rating but how do I rate a movie that I know is awful yet I have really fond memories of it? Yes, I’ve watched this once again while writing this & I do still like it. I was really upset when I lost that babysitting job because the family moved away to another town, removing my ability to ever watch Gimme An ‘F’ again (until now). I had to make do with my friend’s stash of saucy movies that she recorded late at night when her parents were asleep. But all she had was About Last Night… & Bolero – they were never as special to me as Gimme An ‘F’.

My Rating: 7/10

THE UNDERWEAR DANCE. Please watch this. Please! I laughed my ass off watching this again as an adult.

And here’s the saucy routine The Ducks do at the end of the movie. It’s so tame!

Okay, if those have whet your appetite, you can watch the full movie HERE.

Shutter Island (2010) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from Zoe of The Sporadic Chronicles Of A Beginner Blogger. Thanks so much for all the reviews, Zoe! :-) Now let’s see what she thinks of Shutter Island, IMDB rank 235 out of 250…

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE. Also, if you’d like to add a link to your IMDB review(s) on your own blogs, feel free to use any of the logos I’ve used at the top of any of these guest reviews.

shutter island poster

Sanity’s not a choice, Marshall. You can’t just choose to get over it.” Dr John Crawley

SYNOPSIS: A U.S Marshal investigates the disappearance of a murderess who escaped from a hospital for the criminally insane. – via IMDB

Yes! You better believe it! I am back again, I just cannot resist this IMDB Top 250 challenge at all, and I just want to thank the lovely Miss Mutant for allowing me to submit so many reviews to her site for it. Well, we all know what goes here, so now we will move on to the movie reviewing bit itself – I am talking Shutter Island today.

Now, I know there are a few people that are not overly enamoured with this endeavour by the dream team that is Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio (super cough directed at you, Eric). But you know what? I guess we will leave this at each to their own.

shutter island the island

I have read Dennis Lehane’s novel of the same name, and I loved that, too. Lehane is a gifted writer and I have enjoyed all his work so far. Granted, I read the book after the movie, but I would like to mention that it is one hell of a loyal and great adaption of the book. Shutter Island was a trip to take; it was just wonderful for me. It was suspenseful, very well acted and I loved the cast. The CGI may not have been perfect, but that was really peripheral for me in all honesty. I have always said that I can deal with crappy effects provided that the story is gripping and captivating. Now, these effects were by no long shot dreadful, but they were quite a way from being on the level of something like Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. The score for this was loud and in your face, building suspense, though at times I even thought that it was a little excessive (yes, defender of the film that I am and all). Most people complain about how heavy and loud it is in the beginning, but I thought that it served its purpose perfectly there – it was going out of its way to make you feel uncomfortable and jangle your nerves.

I did not see that plot twist coming really; I was more interested in experiencing what was going down as it was without thinking too far forward. That is usually unlike me, I call these things rather quickly, and I know a lot of other people did call it early for this movie, but still. Maybe it is because the first time I watched this I was distracted with other things I was doing at the time, either way, it was a really pleasant surprise for me. Now, let’s talk about the performances. We all know that I am extremely taken with the super-talented Leonardo DiCaprio, and what he did in Shutter Island was no exception to his wonderful repertoire of roles. He came in as US Marshal Teddy Daniels and just… worked that role. He was angry, upset, driven by his work though definitely had some undertow of grief due to the loss of his family and a side project he was working. Mark Ruffalo complemented him fantastically as Chuck Aule, the two working back and forth, engaging and entertaining. DiCaprio came in and lent credence to Teddy, giving us some intense flashbacks of the things that he has seen in the past, the places he has gone.

shutter island sick world

The flashbacks are broken apart by the main story, which is also broken by the flashbacks. They come together so well, and give the movie a cool way of storytelling. The partnership between Teddy and Chuck was something different. Suspect, trusting, devolving into the mad crusade that Teddy is so preoccupied with… it is presented as a locked box mystery, but that in itself is such a side measure to the real issue at hand: Teddy and Shutter Island.

shutter island which would be worse

Martin Scorsese might not have delivered his finest work with Shutter Island, but he did deliver a solid adaptation of Lehane’s novel as well as a highly entertaining and undervalued film exploring the lengths that the mind will go to in order to protect itself. I find it to be a extremely enjoyable watch and something I will always recommend to people.


Chalet Girl, Austenland & Endless Love Movie Reviews (A Chick Flick Special)

Look at me, watching chick flicks! WHAT?! Well, it happens occasionally – I am a girl, after all. ;-) I just watched Chalet Girl a week ago but the other two were at least a year ago & I never got around to reviewing them so it made sense to do three “chick flick quickies” together. Chicky Flicky Quicky??

Anyway, regulars here will know that I’m not really a chick flick type of girl. My type of chick flick usually involves women kicking ass. Give me Ellen Ripley & Furiosa over romantic bullshit! (Okay, or Drew Barrymore – I watch all of her stuff). So what did I think of these three girly movies? Let’s see!

Chalet Girl (2011)

Directed by Phil Traill

Starring: Felicity Jones, Ed Westwick, Tamsin Egerton, Ken Duken, Sophia Bush, Bill Bailey, Brooke Shields, Bill Nighy

My Opinion:

I LIKED THIS! There. I said it. Is it good? No. Is it cheesy & predictable? Oh god yes! I don’t care. Screw it. Sometimes it’s nice to just have fun with a movie and not be all judgmental & snobby. I enjoyed this one quite a bit for something that’s not normally very “me”.

I might as well start right away with saying that adorable Felicity Jones is 100% to thank for this movie working & being at all watchable. With another actress, it could have been a disaster. I know she was nominated for the Best Actress Oscar for The Theory Of Everything (which I have yet to see) and that she has a lead role in the upcoming Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (a Star Wars role! Lucky girl!) but this is the only film I’ve seen her in. It was a bit weird watching this knowing that she’s gone on to much bigger & better things but it’s easy to see why as she’s so damn likeable in this & has that special “thing” that only a handful of actors have (I’m so crap with words. The only other way I can think of to describe that “thing” is “the X Factor” but that makes me think of those stupid singing competitions with Simon Cowell. Puke!). Anyway, she definitely has that here and if I hadn’t liked her, I would have been bored with this movie.

As for this movie, I don’t know how to talk about it without making it sound bad. I mean, it’s not a good movie but I really liked it so don’t want to trash it. It’s very odd in that it’s a British film that couldn’t be more “American”. I moaned the other day in my review of A Long Way Down that too many British movies are bland dramedies so now I’ll be praising a British film that doesn’t feel at all British. I feel bad about that! I have to say, though, if it had actually been American, they’d probably have cast some horrible actress in the lead role so it wouldn’t have worked. So…. Um, hooray for British people! ;-)

I think what worked for me, being a girl who likes strong female movie characters, was the fact that Felicity Jones’ Kim fit the bill. She’s young & she’s a bit unsure of herself after the tragic death of her mother but she’s determined to help her father to pay the bills (which is why she takes a job as a chalet girl in the Alps) and, best of all, she’s a former skateboarding champion. That’s cool! (Not that you ever see her riding a skateboard…). But, inevitably, she takes up snowboarding while in the Alps and it turns out that she has a natural talent for it thanks to her skateboarding years. Shocker, huh?! Oh, and there’s of course a big snowboarding competition coming up with a big cash prize! HUH. What are the odds of that?!?!?! lol

Shit. I’m sounding snobby. Hey, what can I say? This movie is cliché every step of the way. We have the snobby, slutty chalet girl who is pissed off at having to work with “poor girl” Kim, we have the rich boy and a forbidden romance with “poor girl” Kim as well as that boy’s rich-bitch mother who doesn’t approve and, finally, we have the tragic past and a fear that must be overcome in order for Kim to get her life back on track. But, hell – it works. There are just enough laughs and annoyingly “feel good” moments that I found it very hard to not like this movie. I didn’t like the rich boyfriend (soooo not my type but I’m sure some girls will like him). However, some really likeable lesser characters, such as the guy who teaches Kim to snowboard as well as my favorite comedian, Bill Bailey, as her father make up for some of the movie’s mistakes (such as Brooke Shields as the disapproving mother of the rich boy – her character is so damn annoying). The movie has lots of fun moments but doesn’t ever get too silly (although these young kids do know how to party & enjoy a bit of naked hot tub fun…).

Most of all, though, Felicity Jones is just seriously loveable as Kim and you’ll want to see her succeed in every clichéd way possible. Unless you have no soul.

My Rating: 7/10

Would A Manly Man Like This?: Possibly. I think it’s definitely the one that men would find the most bearable of these three.

Austenland (2013)

Directed by Jerusha Hess

Based on Austenland by Shannon Hale

Starring: Keri Russell, JJ Feild, Bret McKenzie, Jennifer Coolidge, James Callis, Jane Seymour, Georgia King

My Opinion:

This movie is weird & utterly ridiculous. Keri Russell plays a lonely American woman obsessed with Jane Austen novels. She saves up her money for “the trip of a lifetime” – a bizarre English retreat run by Jane Seymour where women dress up & partake in Jane Austen-y role play with attractive male actors. Seriously – this movie is bonkers. But, like Chalet Girl, I LIKED THIS ONE TOO!

This has to be the girliest girly movie I’ve watched in years. I should point out that I’ve never read a Jane Austen novel as they just don’t really appeal to me. So, this will have been missing that little extra element of enjoyment for me that I’m sure Austen lovers probably got out of it. I know enough, though, and have watched some period dramas (I actually love the movie Sense & Sensibility) so I was able to enjoy this just fine – I don’t think it’s totally necessary to be an Austen novel reader to like this.

I find Keri Russell to be a pretty likeable actress in what I’ve actually seen her in (she was in one of my absolute favorites of recent years, Waitress, which I plan to praise to high heaven when I do my planned Adrienne Shelly Week at some point). So, I have no complaints there. But, more importantly, my girl Jennifer Coolidge was in this! LOVE her. Yes, she’s once again playing a loveable idiot. Who cares?! It’s funny! I’ll happily watch her play that same idiotic character over & over again. In this, she plays one of the guests at the retreat and, unlike Russell, appears to not have read a Jane Austen novel in her life. She’s just horny & wants some sexy role play with the men. It’s hilarious to see her attempting an English accent and being treated to all the best things at the retreat as she’s paid for the full experience while Russell could only afford the most basic package. A lot of the laughs come from this as Jane Seymour is an evil bitch to poor girl Russell while Coolidge is completely oblivious but totally sweet in her idiocy.

There’s not a lot more that I can really say about this one. It’s the true definition of “chick flick”. I liked that it was quite quirky in its own way, though – the overall concept isn’t really one that we’ve seen in a romcom before. As for the romance, it’s of course there and it’s predictable yet not quite as predictable as some. The movie was a pleasant surprise in that it had more humor than I was expecting and an interesting setup that took some balls to make into a film as this story could have ended up a disaster onscreen (it’s apparently a book but I know nothing about the book). Yes, I said this chick flick has some balls to it! But people with balls would be unlikely to watch this one.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Would A Manly Man Like This?: Oh HELL no! lol. But it’s at least a lot more fun than an actual Jane Austen period drama.

Endless Love (2014)

Directed by Shana Feste

Based on Endless Love by Scott Spencer

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Gabriella Wilde, Bruce Greenwood, Joely Richardson, Robert Patrick

My Opinion:

I love how Chalet Girl is linked to my two other movies today. A girl in a small role in Chalet Girl was also in Austenland. And… Brooke Shields was in Chalet Girl as well as the superior 1981 adaptation of the Endless Love novel. Oh dear – I just said “superior adaptation” and everyone knows that the 1981 Endless Love is complete & utter shit! Well, so is the 2014 version. But I liked it! Just not an ALL CAPS “I LIKED IT” as with the other two movies I reviewed. Just a lowercase “i liked it” with no formatting.

The two lovers in this 2014 version are so very pretty. So pretty and BORING AS FUCK. Now, I’m of the age where I should love the original Endless Love. However, I was too young for it at first & then didn’t see it until I was well into my twenties so I don’t have the nostalgia thing going on for it. Goddamn it’s bad. It’s seriously shit. But I kind of liked it. I think it’s the law for a girl my age to like the 1981 film. What that film has, at the very least, is passion. The story is a bit pathetic and Shields & whoever the hell the guy was couldn’t act for shit plus the mother of Shields lovingly watches her daughter having sex with the guy (which was beyond weird & creepy) but at least the guy in 1981 had a believable, obsessive passion. The 2014 film has none of that. What’s the point? I don’t know the book so can only compare this to the 1981 film but that film was about an obsession. Alex Pettyfer’s poor boy loving rich girl Gabriella Wilde in 2014 is all well & good but we’ve seen that story a million times. Take out the dangerous obsession & you just end up with two really pretty people who probably have really pretty but really boring sex.

Alex Pettyfer’s poor “bad boy” isn’t a “bad boy” at all. In fact, he’s a sweetheart. He’s in love but not obsessed – he’s not going to go set things on fire or some crazy shit like that. And I praised Gabriella Wilde in that pointless remake of Carrie but, man oh man, her character in this is so DULL. Talk about zero personality! It’s not necessarily her fault – it’s more likely the script. They’re both so sweet & so cute together, though, which makes for a good enough love story. You can’t exactly hate them as they’re SO FUCKING NICE. Too nice. Just…. Ugh! I don’t know. It’s just pointless to call it Endless Love when it’s a completely different film from the other one (other than a tiny bit of tension from “girl’s dad not approving of boy who isn’t good enough for his daughter”). Give me the crazy 1981 obsession, please! Their acting was worse but at least you know they probably had much better sex!

But I still liked this 2014 film in its own right for some reason I seriously can’t explain. Maybe I just like watching really pretty but really dull people making out.

My Rating: 6/10

Would A Manly Man Like This?: Unlikely. But they may find Gabriella Wilde very pretty in a safe & boring kind of way.

Now here’s that sappy piece of shit Lionel Richie & Diana Ross song from the original movie. Complete with clips full of shitty acting from the original movie! God, I really do like that shitty movie…

Emoji Film Posters

Ha! Sooo sad. ;-) But some of these are pretty clever. These have been around for a while but I had to share. Yes, movie posters made using Emoji.

You can view them all on the Emoji Films Tumblr HERE. I love The Shining one, of course. Spring Breakers is also pretty clever, as well as the Melancholia one below. I also like the simplicity of Secretary – I always thought of that Emoji as the “spanking” one. Guess I was right! ;-)

Music Video Friday With Hard Ticket To Home Video: Billy Idol – White Wedding

For this week’s Music Video Friday, I had a chat with Brian of Hard Ticket To Home Video about Billy Idol’s exploding-toaster classic White Wedding. Thanks for doing this with me, Brian! :-) I’d also like to thank Pat Benatar and her shoulder shimmy shake for the inspiration.

Now let’s talk about White Wedding, shall we? Here’s the video in case any of you twentysomethings haven’t seen it:

My Chat With Brian:

B: I love when Billy’s taking the scarf off (like you didn’t think it would be him) and it gets caught on his crucifix necklace and you can see he’s pissed. That was the best take they had?

B: Then in the next shot you can see a part of the scarf hanging off the crucifix.

M: Really?? I’ve just finished watching this thing three times & didn’t even notice that. I think I was too distracted watching his mouth while he sang. Also, I was trying to decide if I ever found Billy Idol attractive in any way. Or if I do now. (No. I don’t.)

M: I’d rather be “dancing with myself”. Ha!

B: His flesh isn’t your fantasy?

M: With a rebel yell, I wouldn’t cry more more more.

M: Seriously, though, I was always really freaked out by the ring cutting the bride’s finger. Man, Billy Idol is a bastard in this video! I also can’t figure out if she’s marrying Idol or if he’s the best man or something. If he’s the best man, I think cutting the bride’s finger is a massive best man FAIL.

B: I thought that was his sister?

B: His little sister.

B: And doesn’t want his sister to get married, so he tries to change her mind with the help of some biker chicks, getting her hooked on LSD (via the ring he cuts her with, most likely) then blows up her kitchen?

M: Wait a second… I didn’t even give the lyrics a thought! He does say hey little sister. WTF? That makes the video even more disturbing!

B: Yeah so I guess it’s a “shotgun” wedding.

B: And he’s her big brother, and left home and wasn’t there to protect her when some creep knocked her up.

M: You’re blowing my mind. I’m seeing this video in a whole new light. Yet he also calls it a “white wedding” which implies that the bride is a virgin. This video makes no sense.

B: But there is no groom in this, and it does seem like they’re getting married, so maybe I’m wrong.

B: Maybe it’s about an abusive husband? This girl thinks she’s in for a fairytale wedding but it turns out to be a nightmare, mostly because of her husband’s pants and hair.

B: And she thought her home life was going to be so great but it all blows up in her face.

B: While Billy bends over at her all the time, because he’s an asshole.

M: Ohh – now we’re getting somewhere! I was actually going to ask you what you thought the exploding appliances were meant to symbolize. This video is deep! As for those exploding appliances, do you think those were on their wedding gift registry? I hope they’re still under warranty.

B: Well even if their toaster exploded, they probably got four more from relatives.

M: True. Maybe that’s what Idol is so pissed off about! Okay – I just read about the video & it said Idol is a “guest” at the wedding. And I read that he cut the girl’s finger for real. She was his girlfriend at the time & she insisted that her finger actually be cut so that it looked real. I bet those two had really kinky sex.

B: I would imagine it involved using cocaine for lube.

M: Lol! How would that even work?? (Don’t answer that!) ;-) Anyway, it’s not as cool as Ozzy snorting ants. Ozzy is way cooler than Billy Idol ever was.

B: At least Ozzy never tried to pretend to play the guitar. In this Billy is trying to play two different guitar parts simultaneously.

M: Was he playing a guitar in this video?! I didn’t notice that. I’m a girl – I was more upset by the treatment of the poor bride in this thing.

M: I wish the bride would exact revenge on Idol and all these horrible wedding guests “Kill Bill style”. That would be awesome.

B: Well at the end she’s in a cocoon, so at least she’s safe.

M: With Wilford Brimley! I thought she was covered in cobwebs… Isn’t she dead at the end? It’s like November Rain! What were these old rock stars trying to say about marriage? The only good wife is a dead wife??

M: And was Idol (or… someone at the wedding?) planning to murder the bride from the start as it looks like those guys are digging a grave outside the church? And is that a coffin they’re putting nails into?

M: Also, why do those chicks in tight leather pants smack their own butts? Are they the bridesmaids??

B: I think he means that getting married is basically ending the life you knew.

B: Those chicks smack their butts because they’re nice butts and you needed more titillation in this video than Billy’s nipples.

M: You’re very deep, Brian! And it makes more sense with that being a cocoon instead of cobwebs. This video is better than I realized! And I agree that those are nice butts. One of the chicks in leather is the same one playing the bride, actually.

M: Did you know this video was directed by David Mallet? I knew his name but didn’t realize just how many videos he’d directed. Holy shit! If you want to do this again sometime, I’m sure we may end up doing another one of his. He did most of Bowie’s videos. And I have even more respect for him now that you’ve made me realize that White Wedding is super deep & not just about hot chicks in tight leather pants. And exploding toasters.

B: And a shitload of AC/DC and Joan Jett. Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes video is so creepy.

M: That’s probably my hubby’s favorite video ever! Of course, if it isn’t he’ll bitch at me when I post this tomorrow. If I post this bit. Are we done with White Wedding?? I like how I just typed out “Whore Wedding” by accident…

B: We’ve probably rambled on long enough.

M: Okay – We’re done with Billy Idol’s nipples! Thanks for the chat, dude! :-)

B: But they’ll still haunt me until the end of my days.

My Top Ten Toilet Scenes In Movies

Yep, I’m going there! Sort of. I’m not normally a fan of “toilet humor”. I find the loads of poop scenes that Hollywood squeezes out to be gross & only occasionally funny. This was originally going to be My Top Ten Poop Scenes but I didn’t know how to go about ranking that. Would I rank them by humor or by gross-out factor? I found that, in the end, there just weren’t ten poop scenes that I enjoyed enough to compile into a list. So I decided to wipe that idea & start out fresh.

As a companion piece to my most-viewed post, My Top Ten Shower & Bath Scenes In Movies, this list will contain scenes that all involve a toilet in some way. As in, that thing you sit on (or stand in front of if you’re a guy). Outhouses also count as do public toilet stalls. In some cases, poop may be involved. I guess I should move onto sinks next & then I’ll have the whole bathroom covered! :-) (Hmm… that came out sounding a bit like another poop joke).

Anyway! Here are My Top Ten Toilet Scenes In Movies:

Honorable Mention:


This deserves a mention as, although I’ve been planning this top ten list for a while, I decided it was time to finally post it after reviewing Headhunters with Laura of Filmnerdblog on Monday (our review chat is HERE). Very good Norwegian movie with an extremely disgusting outhouse scene!

10. TIE: Dead Snow & Night Of The Creeps

There are so many horror movies with bathroom scenes! I guess I prefer the ones that are more horror/comedy. These are two of the first scenes I thought of when I decided to do this list and I have to say that the Dead Snow outhouse scene was hilariously gross (mainly for the finger-sucking as he’d JUST wiped himself. NASTY!)

9. TIE: Witness & Lethal Weapon 2

These both deserve to be much higher on the list so I’ll explain why they aren’t. I immediately thought of Lethal Weapon as it’s such a famous scene. In fact, it’s the only scene I remember from any Lethal Weapon movies & I had to Google which one the scene was actually in (number 2! how appropriate). As for Witness, this is the closest I’ve come to “cheating” on one of my lists as, in doing a search for toilet scenes online, I “re-discovered” this one. I didn’t remember this scene at all from when I saw this years ago but after watching it on YouTube I couldn’t leave it off the list. The scene is intense. And, holy shit, the whole movie is based on what happens in that bathroom. Plus… Danny Glover was in the Witness scene too! What?! Okay, I seriously need to re-watch both of these movies.

8. Arachnophobia

The shower scene in this gets all the attention, of course, but I think I was more disturbed by the spider under the lid of the toilet seat while the dad was sitting on it. To this day, I sometimes check under toilet seats for spiders. Seriously. Thanks a lot, Arachnophobia!

7. Full Metal Jacket

Disturbing scene but certainly memorable. (But I still prefer Vincent D’Onofrio as Thor in Adventures In Babysitting) ;-)

6. Despicable Me

I adore this movie & certain scenes still crack me up every single time. This is one of them. I love when Gru is explaining his evil plan & turns the page to find the drawing the girls did of him on the toilet. I love those girls. :-)

5. Monsters, Inc

And… Monsters, Inc! Another movie that I adore as much as Despicable Me. It’s cute when we see them all hiding in the toilet stall as Randall kicks the door open yet doesn’t see them all hiding there.

4. Jurassic Park

Again, this scene was one of the first that I thought of. I’ve realized that most in my list don’t involve actually using the toilets for their intended purpose! They’re clearly a good place to hide. Except from dinosaurs, I guess…

3. The Goonies

I was always confused by this scene. I mean, would it actually be possible for water pressure to cause a toilet to blow up into the air like that? Plus, the guy is clearly sitting on the toilet with underwear on. How do you poop through your underwear??

2. The Godfather

When I thought of toilets in movies, I thought of their different uses. Such as… Hiding things in or behind the tank. I swear there are several scenes like this (one movie has someone hiding money in the tank – is it Pretty Woman?? Not sure). Anyway, the gun hidden behind the toilet tank in The Godfather was the best one I could think of.

1. Trainspotting

Obviously. Ewan McGregor’s toilet swim is famous. Or infamous? Well, it’s super gross but no one who has seen the scene will ever forget it.

Some That Didn’t Make The List (but I did think of them):

Fast Times At Ridgemont High (since it’s already on my list of My Top Five Movie Scenes Of Self-Pleasure, of course)
The Big Lebowski
Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist
Slumdog Millionaire
Scream 2
Pulp Fiction

Now let’s end this with some scenes actually involving poop that I did find amusing:

Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle (“You sank my battleshit!” I love the Harold & Kumar movies)
Bad Grandpa (sorry, but the shart up the wall was pretty damn funny)
American Pie (not the best poop scene EVER but a pretty funny movie overall so I’ll give it some credit)
The Help (there’s a lot involving actual toilets in this movie but I saved it for the “poop list” as the actual “shit” scene is awesome – loved it!)
Caddyshack (okay, it’s not actually poop plus I already included it in My Top Ten Swimming Pool Scenes In Movies)

By the way, I don’t believe I ever actually saw all of Ghoulies

We Are The Best!, Blue Ruin & A Long Way Down Movie Reviews

Three more quickie reviews today! I know I often do “meh” movies or the occasional movie that I HATED in this way so I decided to throw a good one in this time as well. Okay, of the other two, one is “meh” and one I HATED. :-)

Here we go!


We Are The Best! (2013)

Directed by Lukas Moodysson

Starring: Mira Barkhammar, Mira Grosin, Liv LeMoyne

My Opinion:

I really enjoyed this Swedish film set in 1982 Stockholm in which three 13-year-old girls decide to start a punk band. In fact, I just watched the trailer again (which I’ve included at the end of this post) and it genuinely made me smile & realize just how much I liked the movie.

The movie starts with two friends who have very different personalities but share a love of punk music so are therefore not exactly “popular” at school because of their strange taste in music & their short hair. Bobo is shy & insecure while Klara is mouthy & confident. The girls one day decide to start a punk band after being picked on by some boys. Unfortunately, they’ve had no musical training. After seeing a Christian girl named Hedvig perform in a talent show at their school, the girls ask her to join their band.

What I really liked about this movie is that these girls seemed real. You never forget they’re only 13 and, even though I’m far, far, FAR away from that age now, I think every female alive remembers that age well as it’s a very tough time in life and all you want is to fit in. Klara, who has a better home life than Bobo, is pretty secure in herself but Bobo always worries that she’s not pretty enough and that boys will never like her. When they befriend Hedvig, who is very shy and has had a strict Christian upbringing that goes against Klara’s beliefs, they form such an odd trio with very different personalities that somehow end up working perfectly together. They literally bring out the Best(!) in each other.

We Are The Best! is a coming-of-age film but without all the melodrama that sometimes comes from movies in that genre, which can feel contrived at times. It just tells a believable, straightforward story of three very likeable misfits who love punk music. Or love, at least, the punk lifestyle as, other than Hedvig, they don’t have any musical talent. But, hey – that IS punk and, by the end, these girls prove that they’re more punk than the boys who originally made fun of them. It’s a great final scene & the whole movie was just fun. I also found it very interesting hearing a lot of punk music in Swedish (which sounded no different as, let’s face it, all punk sounds the same). And the song the girls write, Hate The Sport, is hilarious. That’s SO what a 13-year-old girl would write about! They write this while annoyed at having to run laps in gym class & the song talks about people dying all over the world while some people obsess over silly sports (I like the lyrics “The world is a morgue, but you’re watching Björn Borg.” lol!).

Seriously, this is a delightful film & I can’t remember the last time I liked all the main characters in a movie so much. It’s still a bit “indie” and the story may feel like it’s not going anywhere as it’s just that style of film but I love that – it makes it feel real. Oh! And the 1982 thing felt so genuine that you kind of forget that it was made in 2013. I don’t have a bad thing to say about this movie – it’s just great to watch a simple film that leaves you with a smile on your face.

My Rating: 8/10


Blue Ruin (2013)

Directed by Jeremy Saulnier

Starring: Macon Blair, Devin Ratray, Eve Plumb

My Opinion:

I saw a lot of reviews for this movie pop up on WordPress in the last year or so. I could tell it probably wasn’t my type of thing but, when I saw it appear on Netflix, I hit ‘Play’ against my better judgment. I should’ve gone with my gut instinct – I HATED this movie.

I do like a good revenge film (like Kill Bill!). A good revenge film. For a revenge film to work, you need a sympathetic character. This is very important & Blue Ruin doesn’t manage this. Okay, I guess you do feel kind of sorry for the main character & see why he’d want revenge but his character is so poorly developed! We learn very little about him other than the past tragedy that occurred to make him want to seek revenge. You never warm to his character, which makes it hard to care what the outcome of the movie will be. And what a load of scumbags he goes up against! I just didn’t find that realistic – no one is that horrible, are they??

I struggled to make it through this one. I watched it in three sittings as I kept getting so bored that I turned it off. It’s soooo slow! I do have quite a bit of patience when it comes to movies but, god, it felt like this one would never end. It was also far too violent for me, which is something I’m not a big fan of (unless it’s Kill Bill, I guess! lol). Umm… I don’t know. I just didn’t care. By the end, when there’s a little “twist” of sorts, I was like “So what? NOW we finally get a bit of a story to this thing? Five minutes before it ends??”. I didn’t care. Just like I don’t care enough to discuss this movie any further. Boring. Pointless. I hated it. But Jan Brady was in it so that’s kind of cool, I guess. Not as cool as if it had been Peter Brady, though!

You’re welcome for that in-depth review. ;-)

My Rating: 3/10


A Long Way Down (2014)

Directed by Pascal Chaumeil

Based on A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby

Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Toni Collette, Imogen Poots, Aaron Paul

My Opinion:

MEH! Sometimes I really wish they could make better British movies. They just make far too much of this sort of bland drama over here (sorry, British people. I do love 28 Days Later…!). This suffers from the same sort of problems that Starter For 10 had – I think it just tries too hard to be a some sort of “quirky” indie based-on-a-book drama.

First of all, I’m a fan of Nick Hornby’s books. I wouldn’t call him my favorite author (that’s Stephen King) but I’ve enjoyed all his books that I’ve read & High Fidelity was great. I did read A Long Way Down & it was okay but not one of his best so it was unlikely to be a really great movie. It was a long time ago that I read it so I can’t really compare it to the movie but it seemed a fairly faithful adaptation from what I remember.

The movie is about four people who meet on a London rooftop on New Year’s Eve. They’ve each come there planning to take their lives but, after meeting and forming an unusual sort of friendship, they make a pact to at least wait until Valentine’s Day to decide if they still wish to, well, kill themselves. Sounds morbid by my description. I suppose it is but instead of ending up some interesting sort of dark comedy, it’s a rather bland drama with only two likeable characters out of the four.

Toni Collette’s character is the most sympathetic by far. To avoid spoilers, I won’t go into their reasons for each wanting to commit suicide but Collette’s Maureen is the one you’ll feel for the most and she makes the other three appear shallow by comparison. Brosnan’s character is kind of the main one in the book from what I remember and, while he’s not totally unlikeable, his problem is the one that most people really won’t be able to sympathize with. I did like Aaron Paul’s character, who is the most withdrawn and seems genuinely sad. Imogen Poots, however… First of all, how much do you think she got made fun of for having the name Imogen Poots?? That name is hilarious. As for her character, she’s very hard to like. She’s rude to the others and comes across as completely selfish. She’s one of these “pretty, young, damaged girls” (okay – I’ll admit I’m probably just jealous as I’ve always wanted to be one of those). Granted, when you find out her true reason for being on that roof, you do start to care more about her but her treatment of the others, especially Aaron Paul, does get annoying at times. I think she’s a decent actress, though, with stunning eyes. I thought she was very good in 28 Weeks Later (which is a much better British movie than this one).

This movie isn’t bad, it’s just a bit “What’s the point?”. For a fairly controversial set-up, it goes a little too predictable-mainstream-Hollywood at the end. But, from what I remember of the book, that also didn’t delve too deeply into the dark subject matter. It’s worth a Sunday afternoon watch if it sounds like something you’d like, though.

My Rating: 5.5/10

Trailer for We Are The Best! – Check it out if you’re interested. I’m hoping I’ve talked some people into watching this film. :-)

The Elephant Man (1980) IMDB Top 250 Guest Review

Today’s IMDB Top 250 Guest Review comes from Tom of Digital Shortbread. Thanks for the review, Tom! :-) Now let’s see what he has to say about The Elephant Man, IMDB rank 138 out of 250… (it was 116 when I started this project – it makes me mad when worthy films move down the list to make way for inferior films like Interstellar!)

There are still some movies up for grabs if anyone wants to do a guest IMDB Top 250 review. You can find the list of remaining films HERE. See the full list & links to all the reviews that have already been done HERE. Also, if you’d like to add a link to your IMDB review(s) on your own blogs, feel free to use any of the logos I’ve used at the top of any of these guest reviews.

imdb top 250 logo

IMDb Top 250 movie challenge: The Elephant Man (1980)

So there was this movie I needed to watch for this IMDb Top 250 movie challenge thing I was participating in. I’m using the past tense because this was something I had committed to about . . . a year and a half ago at this point. (Is that about right Mutey? Year and a half? or has it been longer?) The movie was David Lynch’s The Elephant Man and I finally managed to calm my ADHD down enough to where I could actually watch it. However, as I was cueing it up to watch my mind started being a bit of an ass, provoking me and stuff, telling me to flip to a different On-Demand channel, something that was playing a more recent movie.

“No!” I yelled back at it, out loud. Seated on a couch in the middle of a very quiet living room. All I had done over the last several months was learn to procrastinate better. Err, sorry, excuse me — blog about other movies that to me at the time seemed more urgent.* Finally I realized I could always procrastinate — yes, that ‘extremely-nonsensical-combination-of-letters-that-if-repeated-enough-over-a-short-span-of-time-makes-even-less-sense-but-somehow-if-you-only-say-it-once-you-know-exactly-what-it’s-referring-to’ word — later on anyway. I had to hit the play button now.

I was transported back to the late 1800s, and Victorian England, where traveling circuses were still all the rage and attracted (semi-) massive crowds. I think it’s only fair to assume those who did not turn out for these shows had some kind of moral compass that wasn’t shattered into shitty little useless bits. After a brief but trippy dream-like sequence, Lynch pans in on a striking man (Anthony Hopkins) moving through the crowds, trying to access a particular exhibit known only as ‘The Elephant Man.’ However a shift in the public perception of what these most bizarre and unholy of events actually represented — not curiosity, but cruelness — led to more than a few of the more obscure and unattractive exhibits being closed down by authorities. ‘The Elephant Man’ was one such exhibit.

Cut to a dank and depressingly dark alleyway somewhere in the London area, where once again Hopkins’ Dr. Frederick Treves is trying to get a glimpse of this elephant-like man. To do so, he must uncomfortably agree to some terms (mostly monetary . . . natch) set by the manager, a horrible man named Bytes (Freddie Jones). When he’s finally granted access Treves is so moved by what he sees that he asks if he may ‘study him’ back at the London Hospital, where Treves is a renowned practitioner of medicine. Or whatever fancy way 19th Century English people referred to medical-y people.

As Lynch’s often powerfully emotive work seeks to explore the relationship Dr. Treves formed with his patient, Joseph Merrick (a breathtakingly good John Hurt), during the time he stayed in this hospital, the narrative gets cozy in this facility, spending much of the remaining time concerned with the passage of time and how it can quite literally heal wounds. Unfortunately, the London Hospital had been deemed a facility fit only for those who could be cured of their ailment(s). Go figure, Victorian England. As if Joseph needed the added pressure of becoming an inconvenience to the bureaucracy. (Random bit of trivia: Joseph’s so commonly mistakenly referred to as John that he is actually ‘John’ in the movie as well, so for the purposes of this review I’ll stick with his movie name from here on out.)

The fabric of this narrative is weaved from a tough, humanistic cloth. The Elephant Man is an absorbing study of one of the most fundamental aspects of existence, the need and desire to fit in and belong to something. For the heavily disfigured John, it’s heartbreakingly sufficient for him to have his presence actually acknowledged by at least one person. Perhaps this explains why he opens up at all to the doctor who found him in the streets and why he said precious little to his circus manager/owner. John sees Dr. Treves as a paternal figure of sorts. At the very least, a reincarnation of his mother, of whom he carries around a picture in his pocket. Since early childhood, around the age of 10 when she passed away, John was always curious to know if she, too, would have rejected him like his father and his new wife had . . . or would she have accepted him for what and who he was?

The Elephant Man is powered by two tremendous performances from Hurt and Hopkins, the former being one of the strongest in all of cinematic history. (Certainly in my history of watching movies, which is like, so totally not a history at all . . . . . ) I feel pretty comfortable making that claim even when factoring in make-up effects that were ahead of their time, effects so convincing they inspired the Academy to introduce an award category the following year specifically for Make-Up Artistry.** Hurt, behind a mask that graphically depicts the brutality of random chance (a.k.a. the nature of genetics), is mesmerick (see what I did there? I spelled that word as if it were his last name as part of the . . . okay, yeah this is pointless information). But for cereals, you cannot turn away from this performance, not for a second. The man is utterly transfixing throughout, in ways that ingeniously distract from the grotesque physical appearance. Physically embodying the character was one step, but giving the man personality . . . that’s another challenge entirely. And yet, it doesn’t seem to be a problem for Hurt. He’s stoic yet nevertheless heartbroken by his past; grateful for Treves’ kindness yet still aware that not everyone can be like him. There’s an aura surrounding John that is wholly indebted to Hurt’s interpretation.

Obviously Hopkins is no slouch either. A complicated individual, Treves is first at odds with the hospital and its ‘curable patients’ policy. Over the months and years of John remaining under his care Treves makes more enemies than just Bytes, who reemerges infrequently throughout, eager to reclaim his prized possession any day. John’s life in the London Hospital begins in isolation, but as the doc makes leaps and bounds in progress with the patient, and the tenuous bond of trust they establish eventuates in John’s transfer to a more social area of the hospital, Treves must face up to the ethical consequences of using John as a pseudo-medical experiment. Hopkins is immensely likable as Dr. Treves, yet he’s perfectly imperfect. He doesn’t immediately question his approach with John, like how one of the first things he did with him was show him off to an auditorium packed with, yes, other medical-y people and laying claim to how this would be his most interesting patient yet. Instead, that question comes much later, after circumstances have changed dramatically. Yet, if we’re meant to feel ambivalent towards Treves, Hopkins does a damn fine job of convincing us of his better qualities.

This is of course not easy material to get through. If you have the patience to sit through some many trying scenes (I’m talking the kind that make you angry), then the upshot will be powerful, a potent reminder that people have an immense capacity for kindness in spite of all that has been shown here. Yet the treacherous scenes that come before are often punishment on the conscience; their bluntness at times visceral and greatly upsetting. Some parts are sickening, while others can be downright unwatchable. How can ignorance beget such monstrous behavior? The kind of freakishness that occurs naturally only in tents that capitalize on monsters. Lynch crafts a beautiful symmetry between John’s unfortunate looks and society’s collective hideousness.

The Elephant Man has been described as one of Lynch’s most accessible films. Structurally speaking it’s as straightforward as a . . . I don’t know, something that’s straightforward — a ruler, perhaps? No, a documentary. As straightforward as a documentary. I hesitate to make that comparison because it makes the film sound uninspired and possibly even lazy. Given the way The Elephant Man flows from one stage of life to the next, ducking and diving in and out of the various rooms that constituted John’s life the film does take on some of the evaluative properties of an in-depth documentary. Lynch didn’t have to concoct a timeline-distorting, reality-bending head trip to leave an impression here. He just needed to let the subject matter speak for itself.

*  just FYI Mutey, films like Mortdecai, The D-Train, A Million Ways to Die in the West, and what was your favorite film ever? oh yeah — Interstellar ;) were reviewed before this was watched. Lol?

** slight correction: the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences created the new category for the following year’s ceremony, but only after they were pressured publicly to do so. When The Elephant Man failed to garner attention for its make-up effects, it was petitioned to have an honorary award bestowed upon it, even though the AMPAS refused. An American Werewolf in London was the first film that won the prize in the following year

THANK YOU to Mutey for your PATIENCE and your PERSEVERANCE and your HOSPITALITATITY for letting me post this review on your site, and so late! :) The Elephant Man is incredible stuff, I recommend anyone who has not seen it give a look-see sometime. 

Headhunters (2011) Review Chat With Laura Of Filmnerdblog

I watched Norwegian film Headhunters on Filmnerdblog Laura’s recommendation & we decided to have a little chat about it. You can read our chat below (we did try to avoid any major plot spoilers).

Thanks for doing this with me Laura – it was lots of fun! And it was a great recommendation, too. :-)

Headhunters (2011)

Directed by Morten Tyldum

Based on Hodejegerne by Jo Nesbø

Starring: Aksel Hennie, Synnøve Macody Lund, Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Eivind Sander, Julie Ølgaard

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
A successful but insecure corporate recruiter lives a double life as an art thief to fund his lavish lifestyle. He finds out that one of his job prospects is in possession of a valuable painting and sets out to steal it.

Our Chat: (I’m “M”, Laura is “L”… Obviously!)

M: Hi! :-)

L: Mutant!

M: I have Headhunters on in the background to refresh my memory but forgot that I can’t understand a damn word so it’s kind of pointless to have it on while typing… Lol

L: Ha! When did you watch it? I watched it on Tuesday, but had seen it before.

M: I watched it about a month ago. I remember it well anyway. I really liked it!

L: It’s good isn’t it? I wanted to see it because it’s based on a Jo Nesbo book and I’ve read most of the Harry Hole books, which I really liked. Plus… ding dong!

M: Hello Jaime Lannister! When did he get so hot?! I can’t believe I never noticed how hot he was on Game Of Thrones. The sister screwing distracted me!

L: And the sister raping was the final nail in that coffin for me, but in a suit? And with that moody look on his face? Simply, yes.

M: Hell yes! And he was also super hot in Mama, which almost made that movie not suck. Almost…

L: Oh yeah, I forgot he was in that. And as twins, too!

M: But I do love how the other guy in Headhunters is like the Norwegian Steve Buscemi!

L: You’re so right! He was really good, but I did find his peculiar face a bit distracting. It was just right for the character, though.

M: Oh, right – I forgot Jaime Lannister dude was twins in Mama! I’ve tried to put that shitty movie out of my mind. Hmm – two of him… We could share! I think maybe I liked this movie so much partly because of the main guy’s weird face. I have a weird sort of crush on Buscemi.

M: I also love Norwegians, so that helps. But Troll Hunter is still my favorite!

L: Wow, that IS a weird crush! Mama was SO SHIT everyone should probably put it out of their minds. I liked Troll Hunter too. Rare Exports was good as well. Was that Norwegian? Or Danish? I don’t remember. But anyway, Headhunters

M: I don’t know that one – I’ll have to IMDB that later! Oh – I like those earrings Buscemi guy buys his way-too-sexy-for-him wife. I have similar from my Norwegian ancestors. The concave mirror bits apparently “ward off evil spirits”.

M: Can’t find the exact earrings from the movie. Plus I don’t think mine are anywhere near as expensive as hers!!

L: Ah, pretty…

L: She reminded me of Heidi Klum. She was way out of his league. Not so much because he looks like he fell out of the ugly tree but because he was such a monumental douche.

M: Ha! Oh – Gollum is so cute in that picture. Actually, he looks kind of like the dude in this movie (Aksel Hennie – I suppose I should stop calling him Norwegian Steve Buscemi).

M: Yeah – I think she’s even prettier than Klum. Definitely out of his league, especially when he’s being such a douche at first!

M: Boob-grabbing douche!

L: I was really annoyed at how he gives her absolutely no credit throughout the entire film. He’s so insecure.

L: I mean, he thinks she’s a gold-digger, right?

M: I know! If he thought that, why did he marry her? Because she’s pretty, of course! Plus, what a DICK he was to be banging away at that other woman while he has such a lovely wife at home who treats him so well! (not really a spoiler as he’s shown cheating at the very start)

M: Shirtless Jaime Lannister on right now!!! (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is his real name. I was too lazy to type that out during the chat) ;-)

L: The character was called Roger(!) so we could call him Roger?

M: Sounds good! Oh, main guy was Roger. Lannister was Clas. Thank you, IMDB!

L: I only watched it 2 days ago and had already forgotten.

L: Anyway, Roger was an arse. His wife was gorgeous, loving, and kind. And he thought the worst of her, and treated her so badly.

M: Asswipe! I could say he maybe changes his ways at the end. Is that a spoiler? I won’t get into any major plot spoilers I suppose as one thing I really liked about this movie is that it actually keeps you guessing. For once I didn’t have it all figured out from the start! I loved that. It was twisty & turny and I thought the climactic moment toward the end was quite brilliant. The “plan”…

L: Yeah he did get a grip by the end but, look what it took to get there?! None of that is acceptable behaviour in a relationship, and he didn’t deserve her loyalty. I feel very strongly about this!

M: Hehe. I noticed! You can tell we’re women. ;-)

M: I wish Roger had been more likeable but another thing I did like about this movie was that it wasn’t exactly the movie I was expecting. It starts out this high class “art heisting” movie, which is cool. But then it REALLY goes to shit for Roger (literally).

M: I liked how there was a sort of a dark humor to the whole thing.

L: Yeah, it was really clever, and good at subverting your expectations because, as you say, it isn’t a straight art heist movie. Is that a spoiler?! I really liked that it kept switching on me, when I thought it was one thing and then it was something else.

L: Urgh! Imagine the smell!!!

M: Lol. I know!!! That outhouse scene was nasty. I almost couldn’t watch it. But it was kind of awesome as well. Yuck! Disgust indeed. ;-)

L: This looks good – Max Manus: Man Of War

L: Sorry, I digress…

M: Oh look – Norwegian Buscemi again. That does look kind of good! I really should explore more foreign films instead of just the famous ones I hear about…

M: Ha! I’m a terrible digresser. Always digressing!

L: I love foreign films but it’s hard to fit them in because it means I can’t simultaneously prat around on the internet.

M: Hahaha! EXACTLY! I love to second-screen (except in an actual cinema, of course. That would be super rude). But at home I’m almost always writing a review while watching a movie. Or tweeting!

M: No wonder I have such a terrible memory when it comes to movies I watch lately…

L: Yep, it’s hard not to. I’m currently watching Trollied.

M: Oh! It’s the outhouse scene right now! EW.

L: Yuk!

M: What the hell is that? I’ll look it up on my iPad. I’m actually three-screening right now. ;-)

L: You’re taking it to another level, now.

M: Ohh – English TV show?

L: Yeah, it’s quite cute.

M: I’m one bad, multi-tasking fucker! Hmm – I really should try watching English TV shows since I’ve been here over a decade now. Lol

L: Definitely.

M: I did like Never Mind The Buzzcocks when it was good. Are we digressing again???

L: We’re digressing again, should we wrap up this Headhunters business so I can go and look up more pics of Jaime Lannister…?

M: You’ve already been doing that this whole time, haven’t you? I know I have a bit. ;-) Right! Let’s wrap up this Headhunters conversation. Um… I recommend it! It’s good! You get to see the Norwegian Steve Buscemi covered in shit! And Jaime Lannister looking super hot! I give it 7.5/10

M: And I’ll possibly read some Jo Nesbo now. :-)

L: I concur. Part of me wishes that Roger was a likeable protagonist I could cheer for, but I do like that it wasn’t a run of the mill, paint by numbers, lovable rogue heist movie. Maybe I’ll cheer for the wife. Yay, Diana!

M: Hooray for Diana! I liked that she was not only sexy but also smart. Poop on Roger! Cheating bastard.

L: Screw Roger!

L: I recommend it too. Smart, original and intriguing. Jaime Lannister is a hottie, obvs and I really like the main female character, Diana. Norwegian Steve was good, too. 7/10

L: Also, knitwear

jaime knit

Peter Stults recasts movies with vintage actors & gives them appropriate posters

These are fantastic! Artist Peter Stults has done a series of what he calls “What If” posters where he takes classic film stars & creates old-fashioned posters of modern movies. 

You can read the article here: A.V. Club. And you can visit Peter Stults’ site with loads of these “What If” posters as well as lots of other great art he’s done here: Behance

I wish these were real movies! I love the thought of a Chappie that stars Jimi Hendrix & THIS Interstellar looks a million times better than that overblown Nolan version! Seriously, check out the rest at the above link – I had a hard time deciding which few to post. 

Music Video Friday: Dirty Vegas – Days Go By

This week’s video is Days Go By by Dirty Vegas & it’s a breakdancing love story! Well, a story of heartbreak. Breakdancing heartbreak! Heartbreakdancing???

Anyway, I loved this video because 1) there’s a story & I love videos with stories – it reminds me of the good old days of 80’s videos and 2) Breakdancing!!!! :-)

As for the song, I loved that as well! It’s a great song. I can’t say I know anything else by Dirty Vegas, however. I’ll let Wikipedia tell you how well the song did in the charts:

“Days Go By” is a 2001 song by the British electronic band Dirty Vegas from their eponymous album. The song became a radio hit in 2002, peaking at #14 in the United States, and received the Grammy Award for Best Dance Recording. It also peaked at #16 in Dirty Vegas’ home country of the United Kingdom.

As with most of the videos that I post, I’m assuming that most people have seen this. But if you haven’t & you like a good “video with a story” (and breakdancing!!!), check this one out (sorry for the bad quality on this one):