Linoleum (2022), The Artifice Girl (2022) & Possessor (2020) Reviews

A couple of good & I think slightly obscure sci-fi films here. And one not-as-good sci-fi body horror.

Linoleum (2022)

Directed & Written by Colin West

Starring: Jim Gaffigan, Rhea Seehorn, Katelyn Nacon, Gabriel Rush, Michael Ian Black, Tony Shalhoub

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
When the host of a failing children’s science show endeavors to achieve his childhood dream of becoming an astronaut by constructing a rocket ship in his garage, a series of bizarre events occur that cause him to question his own reality.

My Opinion:

Ever watch a film & not pay attention & then the end punches you in the gut & you’re like “Damn, what an ending! I should’ve paid attention”? This film. Damn. What an ending. Can see why it’s compared to Donnie Darko & I’d add Predestination & maybe even Brigsby Bear, though not as good as those. Wish it had grabbed me earlier on but will be great to rewatch with knowledge of the end.

My Rating: 7.5/10

The Artifice Girl (2022)

Directed & Written by Franklin Ritch

Starring: Tatum Matthews, Lance Henriksen, Sinda Nichols, David Girard, Franklin Ritch

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A team of special agents discovers a revolutionary new computer program to bait and trap online predators. After teaming up with the program’s troubled developer, they soon find that the AI is rapidly advancing beyond its original purpose.

My Opinion:

Love when intriguing “smart sci-fi” discreetly appears on services. This one has a great concept & explores some deep ideas when it comes to Artificial Intelligence and its ramifications that, admittedly, have been explored in many films. But there are some fresh ideas here that make it worth watching if you’re a fan of this genre. Starts better than it ends but was still a rewarding watch.

My Rating: 7/10

Possessor (2020)

Directed & Written by Brandon Cronenberg

Starring: Andrea Riseborough, Christopher Abbott, Rossif Sutherland, Tuppence Middleton, Sean Bean, Jennifer Jason Leigh

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Riseborough portrays an assassin who performs her assignments through possessing the bodies of other individuals, but finds herself fighting to control the body of her current host (Abbott).

My Opinion:

Been desperate to see this as I’m a fan of David Cronenberg’s body horror (I ranked his films here) so wanted to check out his son’s work & I liked the look of that freaky melty face on the cover. Well, freaky melty face is the best thing about this. I was very disappointed overall. And, yeah, I expected violence but bloody hell. Stabby stabby stab stab. Holy shit. Bit too much for me. I’ll stick to his father’s good old fashioned, fake looking, wounds that look like genitals, parasites into orifices, watermelon head exploding body horror. 

Okay, I didn’t actually hate this. I just didn’t like it as much as I was hoping. I’ll probably still check out his other work. But the story in this wasn’t anything we haven’t seen done much better in other sci-fi films & the excessive violence seemed pointless. But the ending wasn’t too bad. And I admit I’m liking Andrea Riseborough‘s choices in roles (big fan of Mandy). Plus I always love seeing Jennifer Jason Leigh. So it was still worth a watch. I’ll just lower my expectations before I watch his other films. Probably very hard to be compared to his father all the time, too, but that’s going to happen when sticking to the same sort of genre.

My Rating: 6.5/10

Minions: The Rise Of Gru (2022), Black Bear (2020) & Bullet Train (2022) Reviews

Three mega short reviews today. Also pretty pointless reviews as I slept through half of two of these. 🙂

Minions: The Rise Of Gru (2022)

Directed by Kyle Balda

Starring: Steve Carell, Pierre Coffin, Taraji P. Henson, Lucy Lawless, Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Julie Andrews, Alan Arkin, Michelle Yeoh

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
In the film, an eleven-year-old Gru plans to become a supervillain with the help of his Minions, which leads to a showdown with a malevolent team, the Vicious 6.

My Opinion:

Not ashamed to admit that I like minions. Those little dudes are fun. But, man, this movie wasn’t very good. I’m a big fan of Despicable Me and think that first film has a lot of heart & is surprisingly as good as some of the Pixar & Disney stuff. But the sequels and now especially these Minions movies are missing what made the first film so great, which was Gru’s growing relationship with those three girls. Minions are still lots of goofy fun but I’m missing the heart of Despicable Me. 

Also, I have to admit that I fell asleep for a while in the middle of this but it’s very unlikely I’ll bother to catch up on the bits I missed. Which isn’t saying much as I always try to finish a movie I’ve started.

*Wait… My beloved Jean-Claude Van Damme was in this?! I really must stop sleeping through movies…

My Rating: 6/10

Black Bear (2020)

Directed & Written by Lawrence Michael Levine

Starring: Aubrey Plaza, Christopher Abbott, Sarah Gadon, Paola Lázaro, Grantham Coleman

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
A filmmaker at a creative impasse seeks solace from her tumultuous past at a rural retreat, only to find that the woods summon her inner demons in intense and surprising ways.

My Opinion:

This started out promising. Atmospheric with an unsettling feel that I appreciated. Liked the first half of the film far more than the second half, though, which really dragged despite a good performance from Aubrey Plaza. Not a bad film, just a “what was the point?” film. Worth watching for Plaza, who is hit or miss for me, but I’d lost interest by the end.

My Rating: 6/10

Bullet Train (2022)

Directed by David Leitch

Starring: Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Benito A. Martínez Ocasio, Sandra Bullock

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Bullet Train stars Brad Pitt as an operative who must battle killers while riding a bullet train.

My Opinion:

I fell asleep. I don’t know why I wasn’t feeling this one as there’s certainly plenty of action & I like Brad Pitt & I thought Aaron Taylor-Johnson was good. But I had no clue WTF was going on, not that it mattered as I don’t think the “plot” was important. Think it was just trying too hard to be cool & not living up to Tarantino, John Wick, etc. I’ll attempt to finish it sometime but unlikely my rating will change.

*Wait… Michael Shannon & Sandra Bullock were in this?! I really must stop sleeping through movies…

My Rating: 6/10

Annabelle: Creation, The Autopsy Of Jane Doe & It Comes At Night Movie Reviews

Here’s another repost of three super brief “reviews” of three dreadful horror movies I watched this year. I desperately need to see a GOOD horror film. Here’s hoping Mandy lives up to the hype. I’ve booked a ticket to see it this week. Can’t wait!

Annabelle: Creation (2017)

Directed by David F. Sandberg

Starring: Stephanie Sigman, Talitha Bateman, Anthony LaPaglia, Miranda Otto

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
Annabelle: Creation is a prequel to 2014’s Annabelle and the fourth installment in The Conjuring Universe. The film stars Stephanie Sigman, Talitha Bateman, Anthony LaPaglia, and Miranda Otto, and depicts the possessed Annabelle doll’s origin.

My Brief Opinion:

Ugh. I trashed the first movie HERE. The first film was ridiculous and couldn’t have been more cliché. At first, it seemed that this one was going to be much better. Oh, hell no! It’s even worse. I think it made me appreciate the first film more, even with all its overused horror tropes. Those things are overused because they sometimes work. This sequel probably could have used a little more of that. I dunno. I think what annoys me with modern horror films such as these, besides the predictability and stupid jump scares and lack of originality or good storytelling, is the filmmakers’ obvious hatred for the characters. The characters are only there to die. So why would I give a shit about what happens? In that case, I’d rather watch silly 80’s slashers which had a sense of fun. We need at least one person to root for/to possibly survive/to not be possessed. I mean, we do have a nice group of young girls I wanted to like but they got so little character development. And a tragic beginning turns a sweet couple into “creepy people who act strange”. It doesn’t end well in this film for people who don’t deserve to suffer (sorry if that’s spoiler-y). And, okay, maybe I don’t like sweet young girls turning into psychotic demons. Well, maybe in a good movie. Actually, I like demonic kids – The Omen is awesome… Never mind. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. This movie just sucked.

Oh, hey – I suppose I can again use this opportunity to link to my post of My Top Ten Creepy Dolls In Movies & TV. And, as I reviewed The Nun last week, here are my reviews & ratings of all the Conjuring Universe films:

The Conjuring – 7.5/10
The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Case – 6/10
The Nun – 5.5/10
Annabelle – 5/10
Annabelle: Creation – 4.5/10

My Rating: 4.5/10

The Autopsy Of Jane Doe (2016)

Directed by André Øvredal

Starring: Emile Hirsch, Brian Cox, Olwen Catherine Kelly

Plot Synopsis: (via Wikipedia)
The film stars Emile Hirsch and Brian Cox as father-and-son coroners who experience supernatural phenomena while examining the body of an unidentified woman (played by Olwen Kelly).

My Brief Opinion:

Why do I bother to watch modern horror movies when 90% of them suck? Like this one. I don’t know if I have the energy to again do horror movie reviews for all of October this year. If I do, I’ll review this piece of shit. For now, I’ll be nice and say that at least this one also had a fairly original concept and going through the stages of the autopsy was kind of interesting.

**Okay – that was my initial review. Damn! I guess I didn’t actually review this. Since seeing this film, I’ve seen far worse (Jug Face – WTF was that?! I’ll review that later this week). So I’m now thinking I was a little harsh on this one. I’ll say that this one did have a fairly creepy atmosphere. I mean, what’s more creepy than a morgue? And it started out fairly promising. As I said, the stages of the autopsy were interesting as they found more & more bizarre things to do with this unidentified girl’s body. Too bad it turned too silly by the end, as most horror movies do.

My Rating: 4.5/10

It Comes At Night (2017)

Directed by Trey Edward Shults

Starring: Joel Edgerton, Christopher Abbott, Carmen Ejogo, Kelvin Harrison Jr., Riley Keough

Plot Synopsis: (via IMDb)
Secure within a desolate home as an unnatural threat terrorizes the world, a man has established a tenuous domestic order with his wife and son. Then a desperate young family arrives seeking refuge.

My Brief Opinion:

Another 2017 movie that I was wanting to see ASAP due to its rave reviews at the time. WTF?! I was bored out of my damn mind! I’m starting to truly believe that IMDb is being filled with fake reviews written by the studios. This has a 78 out of 100 metascore?! Fuck off! Nothing happens in this but, to be fair, there’s more of a plot than the mumblegore stuff. The performances are good, especially from Joel Edgerton’s son in the movie (Kelvin Harrison Jr). But. But. Ugh. I don’t know. If someone here did like this, I’d genuinely be interested to hear why. Because maybe I’m missing something since, for a horror, it has a decent IMDb user rating as well (6.2). I’m really annoyed with the shitty movies I wasted time on this year. I have too many other things to do.

My Rating: 4.5/10