My Top Ten Stand By Me Insults

I thought it would be a good time to repost this top ten for one of my all-time favorite movies, Stand By Me, as today would’ve been River Phoenix’s 51st birthday (R.I.P. – I’m still upset over that celebrity death). I’m reposting some of the posts I did for blogs that are no longer running. You can currently still see this original post at Silver Screen Serenade HERE.

I find it difficult to talk about my “all-time favorite movies” as I could never do them justice. So, like My Top Ten Star Wars Dismemberments post for Silver Screen Serenade, I decided to just do another Top Ten of a favorite movie of mine.

I’d like to say a little bit about this movie, though. Stand By Me is very special to me. I love movies (obviously) but there aren’t too many that I’ve watched over and over and over and over again. There were really only two that I re-watched to a slightly disturbing & unhealthy degree: Aliens & Stand By Me.

Both out in 1986, these movies came along at a time in my life when I was a latchkey kid & only child (well, I’m still an only child). Our house was also very cold so my routine went something like this during the winter months at the ages of 12-14: Get home from school, turn the heating on, stick Stand By Me into the VCR (if it wasn’t already in there), grab a blanket, sit right up against the heating in the wall, and watch the 90 minute Stand By Me which would finish just in time for the parent to get home. It usually took until the junkyard scene for our old heating to finally warm me up.

Anyway, it was Stand By Me until I discovered Aliens. And to this day I’m still in trouble for having that playing when my mom got home one time & walked in to see the chest-burster scene. God, it wasn’t even that bad! It was much more tame than the one in Alien. At least she never saw my next after-school obsession: A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors.

Wow – I’ve just made my early-teen self sound really pathetic. At least I wasn’t drinking & doing drugs, right?! Or searching for dead bodies…

As for Stand By Me, I never got in trouble for watching that one. In fact, I made my mom & grandma watch it with me once and they loved it. Why? Because it’s really good.

You have Rob Reiner & Stephen King, my two favorite people in their professions. You have a coming-of-age tale (I’ve always liked those) with a group of friends who were the same age as I was when I first watched this (I had a crush on them all except Vern, of course). You have a great voiceover from Richard Dreyfuss, the always adorable John Cusack in a small role, and a beautiful, bittersweet ending that may have made me cry a few times (okay – it did). A movie’s ending is very important to me as I think so many get it wrong but the ending of Stand By Me is perfection (as is The Princess Bride’s – thank you, Rob Reiner!). Finally, I love the 1959 setting and the music that was chosen for this film (especially the title song). I think it’s something that helps Stand By Me feel timeless in a way and made it something that could be loved by an ’80s kid as well as by her mother and grandmother.

I did eventually stop obsessively watching Stand By Me but I’ll never forget walking back from a college party with a guy one night when he suddenly said “Did you hear that River Phoenix died?”. It wasn’t like now where you can easily go online to check so I hoped he was wrong until I later saw a news story confirming it was true. That will always be the one celebrity death that really upset me as he was kind of a big part of my own coming-of-age years. Phoenix was amazing as Chris Chambers, especially considering his young age, and I still wish we’d been able to see much more of his work.

Huh. I guess I actually said quite a bit about Stand By Me! One of the slightly shocking things about Stand By Me, at the time, was the amount of swearing. And I loved it. This is a coming-of-age tale involving a group of four small-town boys. Guess what? Boys actually swear & say horrible things to each other! These characters felt real to me – they weren’t made to be PG-rated characters we wouldn’t buy into. This was rated R, right? Pardon my French but that’s fucking ridiculous. This is a beautiful movie about life, death, friendship, and growing up. Every 13-year-old should see Stand By Me.

Now let’s take a look at some of the horrible things that young boys say to each other! Here are My Top Ten Stand By Me Insults:

10. Piss up a rope!

Okay – I’ve never been entirely sure if this an insult or even what the hell it means exactly. Gordie loses a card game & shouts “Piss up a rope!” so I was never fully sure if he was telling the other guys to do that or if it was a way of saying “Shit!“, Either way, I like it even though it doesn’t really make any sense.

9. You four-eyed pile of shit!

Full exchange:
Chris: You four-eyed pile of shit!
Teddy: A pile of shit has a thousand eyes.

With this one, it’s not the insult I like so much as the response. The two best characters, of course, are Wheaton’s Gordie & Phoenix’s Chris but Feldman was also great as the messed-up Teddy. He was slightly nuts & had some funny lines such as the one above, to the amusement of the other characters.

8. Then you won’t mind if we check the seat of your jockies for Hershey squirts, will you?

Full exchange:
Vern: I wasn’t that scared. I wasn’t. Sincerely.
Gordie: Okay. Then you won’t mind if we check the seat of your jockies for Hershey squirts, will you?
Vern: Go screw.

Ha! Hershey squirts. Pants-pooping! Hershey squirts is just a really funny thing to say…

7. I’m gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!

Another Teddy line, this one isn’t funny but sad. Is it a horrible thing to say? Yes, but it’s a great Teddy moment and you can feel how upset he is when he says this to the man who has just called his father a “looney”. Seeing how these boys were all “damaged” in some way helped to make them all the more believable and helped the audience relate to and care about them.

6. You use your left hand or right hand to do that?

Full exchange:
Teddy: Okay, you guys can go around if you want. I’m crossing here. And while you guys are dragging your candy asses half way across the state and back, I’ll be waiting on the other side, relaxing with my thoughts.
Gordie: You use your left hand or right hand to do that?
Teddy: You wish.

Okay, I’m not sure if I entirely understood this one when I was young & watching this over & over again. But I think it get it now…. ! *no further comment*

5. Yeah, but you’re gonna be stupid for the rest of your life.

Full exchange:
Teddy: This is my age! I’m in the prime of my youth, and I’ll only be young once!
Chris: Yeah, but you’re gonna be stupid for the rest of your life.

This is actually a very sweet moment in the film & the line is delivered in a way that says “I love you guys but I can’t say that because we’re male so I’m going to tease you instead to show you that I care”. As the voiceover says “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

4. Lardass! Lardass! (Boom-baba Boom-baba)

Again, it’s not so much the insult that I like in this case but the moment. I love this bit of the film. It’s so juvenile & immature but it’s exactly the type of story that I’d expect a group of 12-year-old boys to enjoy. And I love the disgustingly awesome revenge of “Lardass”.

3. Why don’t you go home and fuck your mother some more?

Is this an awful thing to say? Yes. Have I heard real-life boys say similar (and much much worse)? YES! Along with my number one choice, it’s an important part of the movie, though, which I’ll discuss a bit more when I get to that one…

2. I don’t shut up, I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up!

Full exchange:
Teddy: You’re a real wet end, Lachance.
Gordie: Shut up.
Teddy/Vern/Chris: I don’t shut up, I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up!
Gordie: And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up.

That final reply is good as well but I love the rhyming insult the three boys do together even more. Certainly much more innocent than the previous insult, I like the immaturity of this one and how it reminds us that these four boys are still just kids.

1. Suck my fat one, you cheap dime store hood

Anyone who has seen this movie probably already knew that this would be number one. It’s good for a number of reasons. First of all, it’s not exactly the greatest ever insult. Suck my fat one? Cheap dime store hood?? Nice try, though, Gordie! It’s likely something he’ll have read in some sort of pulp comic of the time and he’s trying to sound grown-up by saying it. And unlike a lot of the other insults, it’s delivered with absolutely no humor. Along with my third choice, this is the climactic moment in which these four boys have to make a stand (by me! ha!). It’s one of the many “growing up” moments in the film and these young boys deal with this in the only way they really know how at this age (by telling people to suck their fat ones & to go and fuck their own mothers).

Well, hopefully you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed putting it together. Maybe someday I’ll manage to do a proper review of Stand By Me and try to explain why I still love it so much.

My Top Ten Stephen King Movies

Welcome to Day Two of Stephen King Week! King turns 70 on Thursday so I’m going to post something King-related all week. One book review (End Of Watch, yesterday), two movie reviews (including the new It film tomorrow), and two Top Ten lists. Here’s my list of My Top Ten Stephen King Movies.

I love when Stephen King’s novels are made into movies, even though some of the films have been atrociously bad. But I do my best to watch every adaptation that I can, and… Holy shit – I’ve watched a lot. I think this is the longest list I’ve ever done since I now choose to rank everything that I’ve seen instead of just the top ten. Wait – I lie! My list of My Top “Ten” Best Picture Oscar Winners is slightly longer. But not much.

For this list, I’ve excluded TV shows & most straight-to-TV mini-series(es?!). I cheated & included It (1990) & Salem’s Lot (1979), however. They’re so good we’ll pretend they were theatrical releases (which they actually were in the UK, I think). Some others may have been TV – hard to remember. Enough faffing! Let’s start this countdown.

Here are My Top Ten Stephen King Movies (from least favorite to favorite & not judging on if they’re “loyal” to the book). I could do with re-watching a lot outside the top twenty so don’t take the order of those too seriously… 😉

**Edited October 22nd 2017 to add Gerald’s Game & 1922 & the new Pet Sematary April 2019**

The Rest That I’ve Seen:

44. The Mangler
43. Sleepwalkers
42. TIE: The Lawnmower Man (WTF? Shares only the title.) & The Dark Tower (WTF? Also nothing like the book.)
41. Dolan’s Cadillac
40. Rose Red
39. The Night Flier (Don’t really remember this)
38. Sometimes They Come Back
37. Dreamcatcher (Why, Morgan?!)
36. Quicksilver Highway
35. Desperation (Also don’t really remember)
34. 1922
33. Cell
32. Storm Of The Century
31. A Good Marriage
30. Carrie (2013)
29. The Dark Half
28. Pet Sematary (2019)
27. Apt Pupil
26. Dolores Claiborne (Could do with re-watching)
25. Thinner
24. Secret Window
23. Needful Things
22. The Langoliers
21. Hearts In Atlantis (I need to re-watch this – it probably deserves to be higher)

Top Twenty:

20. Christine (Again, I could do with re-watching this)
19. 1408
18. Firestarter
17. Cujo (Although the complete change of ending was odd)
16. Maximum Overdrive (I like this more than I should. The soundtrack helps.)
15. Children Of The Corn (I like this. Not ashamed. Malachai!)
14. Creepshow 1 & 2 (I could do with re-watching. To be honest, I’m not sure which is which so stuck them together)
13. Misery (I know this should be higher)
12. Silver Bullet (I know this should be lower but, you know, it has one of the Two Coreys…)
11. Cat’s Eye

Top Ten:

10. TIE: The Running Man & Gerald’s Game

9. ‘Salem’s Lot

8. The Dead Zone

7. Pet Sematary

6. The Mist

5. TIE: It (1990) & It (2017) (In all honesty, the 2017 adaptation is the superior film but I’ll always have affection for the 1990 version and, of course, Tim Curry)

4. The Green Mile

3. Carrie

2. The Shining

1. TIE: Stand By Me & The Shawshank Redemption (Sorry. Don’t make me choose between them!)

Movies Not Seen:
Graveyard Shift, Tales From The Darkside: The Movie, Children Of The Corn II through VIII & TV Movie, Sometimes They Come Back…Again & …For More, Trucks, The Rage: Carrie 2, Firestarter 2, Carrie (2002), The Diary Of Ellen Rimbauer, Riding The Bullet, ‘Salem’s Lot (2004), Big Driver

TV Series/TV Movies:

Seen:
Golden Years, The Tommyknockers, The Stand, The Shining (1997), Nightmares & Dreamscapes, Haven (Saw most of. Stopped watching when it stopped being pretty damn good.)

Didn’t finish:
Under The Dome (Started. Stopped. Not bothered. Hated the book’s characters.), The Dead Zone (2002) (Saw most of this. Pretty good show. Need to finish.), 11.22.63 (Started. Just don’t have the time to devote to TV shows nowadays.)

Not Seen:
Bag Of Bones, Kingdom Hospital, Mr. Mercedes, The Mist (2017), Various short stories…

**I cannot WAIT for Castle Rock to start up as I adore King’s short stories & want to see more of them made! But it’s gonna air on this Hulu thingymabob so who the hell knows how/when/if I’ll ever see that in the UK… 😦

My Top Ten John Cusack Movies

Happy Birthday to John Cusack, who turns 51 today!

I love John Cusack. I’m of the age where I had (and, okay, still have) a massive crush on Cusack’s Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything. Thanks a lot, John Cusack! No boy can ever live up to Lloyd Dobler. You made a generation of girls have expectations that were way too high when it came to teenage boys. Teenage boys are awful. Teenage boys are NOT like Lloyd Dobler! Certainly not any that I knew in 1989, anyway…*sigh*

Anyway – I still love Lloyd & I still love John. It’s funny how he’s tried to never be a big “movie star”, which I respect, yet I have to say that of all these many Actor Top Ten lists that I’ve done, Cusack’s is possibly the best one yet for having so many of my personal favorites in it. The Top Five kick ass! So Cusack has certainly been in some damn enjoyable movies, even though he prefers to not be a huge movie star.

As always, I’m ranking these based on the movie (not the performance). Say Anything would most definitely top the list if it was by performance but no movie can really ever top my number one on this list, which Cusack only had a small role in. So, here are My Top Ten John Cusack Movies:

The Rest That I’ve Seen:

20. Class
19. The Grifters
18. Hot Tub Time Machine
17. Eight Men Out
16. 2012
15. Adaptation
14. Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil
13. The Player
12. Identity
11. Serendipity

TOP TEN:

10. TIE: 1408 & Being John Malkovich

9. High Fidelity

8. Anastasia

7. Grosse Pointe Blank

6. Con Air

5. Better Off Dead

4. The Journey Of Natty Gann

3. Sixteen Candles

2. Say Anything…

1. Stand By Me

Saw But Don’t Remember Well Enough To Include In List Without Re-watching:
One Crazy Summer, Hot Pursuit, The Sure Thing, Tapeheads, America’s Sweethearts

Some I Haven’t Seen At All:
Grandview USA, Broadcast News, True Colors, Bullets Over Broadway, The Road To Wellville, The Thin Red Line, Pushing Tin, Runaway Jury, Must Love Dogs, Martian Child, Igor, The Paperboy, Maps To The Stars, Love & Mercy, Hot Tub Time Machine 2, Chi-Raq, Cell

Oh, Lloyd… *sigh*

Music Video Friday: Ben E. King – Stand By Me

Today’s video is Ben E. King’s Stand By Me.

Today is Wil Wheaton’s 44th birthday. Happy Birthday, Wil Wheaton! I’ve had a thing for Wil ever since the movie Stand By Me, one of my most-loved & most-watched movies. Then I of course loved him again in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Naturally, I also adored River Phoenix… I’ll forever be sad about his death. And Ben E. King passed away just over a year ago. R.I.P. River Phoenix & Ben E. King. 😦

Here’s the 1986 video for Stand By Me, featuring the boys dancing along with King (and River being all cool with his guitar). Yeah, the video is a bit cheesy in that 80’s kind of way. But I love 80’s cheese and I love this song. Happy Friday, everyone! 🙂

My Top Ten Movies With Song Title Titles


With these top ten lists that I do, the ideas often come to me while discussing movies/music/life in general with my hubby. With this one, it was the death of a singer on this list that got me thinking about movies that share their titles with song titles. And, boy, are there ever a lot of them!!!

I immediately thought of several but this time got a big helping hand online – I’d have forgotten about some obvious ones if I hadn’t gone searching. This seems to be a fairly popular topic! As always, though, this is my own personal top ten of my favorites as I often have different taste from a lot of people.

With this list, there are SO MANY movies named after songs (or vice versa) that I’ve had to make rules. So… don’t go telling me I’ve forgotten one of it doesn’t fit my criteria! 😉

  1. THE SONG HAD TO BE FIRST: The movie has to have come AFTER the existence of the song
  2. Songs written specifically for a movie don’t count (loads of songs are written for films & given the same name as the film’s title)
  3. Music movies don’t count (so, no musicals or Beatles films like Yellow Submarine or movies based on music people like What’s Love Got To Do With It – obviously these movies would have song title titles)
  4. The movie does NOT have to deliberately be named after the song (but it’s better when they are) and it doesn’t actually have to have the song in it (but it’s better when they do). Sometimes it’s a coincidence that a movie has a song title, sometimes it’s on purpose but the song isn’t used in the film (clearance rights, probably), and sometimes it’s named after a song and the song is used (like my number one – I prefer these).
  5. I have to have seen the movie. 

    Ha! Sorry… This one really needed rules for me to narrow it down to ten!

    So now, here are My Top Ten Movies With Song Title Titles (ranked according to how much I like the movie, not the song – but I’ll give my opinion on the song too):

    10. TIE: American Pie & Drive


    Song by: Don McLean & The Cars
    Is it named after the song? Pie, probably. Drive, definitely not.
    Is the song in the film? No
    Do I like the song? I like both but prefer Drive – I went through about a two-month phase of being a big Cars fan at the age of 17.

    9. Pretty In Pink


    Song by: The Psychedelic Furs
    Is it named after the song? Yes. As are many John Hughes movies…
    Is the song in the film? Yes, a re-recorded version
    Do I like the song? Yes

    8. Whip It


    Song by: Devo
    Is it named after the song? No
    Is the song in the film? No
    Do I like the song? Yes – I love Devo

    7. Some Kind Of Wonderful


    Song by: The Drifters & Soul Brothers Six
    Is it named after the song? Assume so but don’t know which one! 
    Is the song in the film? No
    Do I like the song? Totally different songs. I like the Soul Brothers Six one, which is the one I assume John Hughes liked??

    6. My Girl


    Song by: The Temptations
    Is it named after the song? Assume so
    Is the song in the film? Yes
    Do I like the song? Yes – it’s a great song!

    5. Can’t Buy Me Love


    Song by: The Beatles
    Is it named after the song? Must be
    Is the song in the film? Yes
    Do I like the song? It’s okay – I love The Beatles but it’s not one of my favorites

    4. Sixteen Candles


    Song by: The Crests 
    Is it named after the song? Yes
    Is the song in the film? A cover by The Stray Cats is
    Do I like the song? Not especially

    3. Dazed And Confused


    Song by: Led Zeppelin
    Is it named after the song? Not sure – Don’t think so
    Is the song in the film? No (the soundtrack is awesome, though)
    Do I like the song? It’s okay – they have other songs I prefer

    2. Pump Up The Volume


    Song by: M|A|R|R|S
    Is it named after the song? Unlikely
    Is the song in the film? No
    Do I like the song? Definitely 

    1. Stand By Me (as if my number one was going to be anything else!)


    Song by: Ben E. King (R.I.P.)
    Is it named after the song? Yes
    Is the song in the film? Yes
    Do I like the song? Love it. Like the film, it’s an all time classic.

    Honorable Mentions: (I just like the song with some of these)

    • Boogie Nights (Really like both the movie & Heatwave song)
    • Boys Don’t Cry (Good movie, LOVE The Cure song)
    • Just Like Heaven (Meh movie but, again, adore The Cure song. Witherspoon also ripped off Lynyrd Skynyrd for Sweet Home Alabama…)
    • Blue Velvet (Like the movie okay, loads of people have done the song. The most famous version by Bobby Vinton is good but totally not my type of thing)
    • Pretty Woman (Like the movie a bit more than I’d care to admit & the Roy Orbison song isn’t a favorite but is catchy as hell)
    • Take Me Home Tonight (Movie okay but I really like the Eddie Money song. As with Pretty Woman, I probably like Eddie Money more than I’d care to admit. Billy Squier too. Guilty pleasures! God I’m old & uncool…)
    • Babe (I don’t care about that stupid pig, but: Woohoo! Styx!)
    • Starman (sorry Carpenter fans but I keep falling asleep trying to finish this. I just use any excuse I can to get David Bowie into my posts. Great song!)
    • Lean On Me (Good movie & excellent Bill Withers song)
    • Running On Empty (I really need to re-watch this River Phoenix movie that shares its name with a really good Jackson Browne song)
    • Cars (the weakest Pixar films but I totally admit to liking the Gary Numan song)

    Look at Eddie Money’s beautifully feathered hair. Get that wind machine going!

    Put the needle on the record!

    My Top Ten Stand By Me Insults

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    I did a post about Stand By Me, an all-time favorite film of mine, to celebrate Cara’s Blogiversary Bash over at Silver Screen Serenade. Thanks for letting me join in on the celebrations, Cara! Happy Blogiversary! I hope you have many, many more. 🙂

    You can read my post (in which I said I was unable to talk about my love of Stand By Me & then spoke of it at length) HERE. I’ve done another one of my Top Ten Lists for it – My Top Ten Stand By Me Insults. Stand By Me is filled with loads of great, foul-mouthed insults and I LOVE IT. 🙂

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    My Top Ten Tearjerker Movies

    I haven’t done a top ten list in ages so I thought this would be a good topic. I’m not a girly girl & don’t get all teary eyed at the usual sort of contrived chick flicks (piss off Beaches!). For the most part I’m going to leave out true stories (except for my number one) because it would be insane to not have something like Schindler’s List at the top. So bear that in mind before asking why certain movies based on horrific real life events aren’t on here. I’m also almost more of a sucker for happy endings than sad ones so you won’t only find sad ones here.

    So here are my Top Ten Tearjerker Movies counting down from ten: 😦

    10. American History X

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    9. Brokeback Mountain

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    8. Toy Story 3

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    7. The Bucket List

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    6. The Shawshank Redemption

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    5. Stand By Me

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    4. City Lights

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    3. Cinema Paradiso

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    2. Up

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    1. Mask

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    Honorable Mentions:

    Bambi
    The Lion King
    The Green Mile
    Always
    Midnight Cowboy
    The Lives Of Others
    Legends Of The Fall
    The Elephant Man
    Untamed Heart
    It’s A Wonderful Life
    The Secret In Their Eyes
    Untouchable